Oh yes, I served in the Vietnam War...and it was a war, in the conventional sense. However, there is a greater war that each man and each woman faces on this earth. That is the "War Within"- the struggle we all eventually face regarding the basic battle between good and evil. Not good and evil in the sense of American vs. North Vietnamese, or veteran vs.VA..., but the eternal war between good and evil in our own hearts. Each of our lives is directly affected by that supreme war, which has been raging since before the beginning of time. Recognize it or not, we are part of it. Every decision we make, every choice we make, every victory we win is a part of a larger war that is going on right now.

God requires each person He has created to eventually come to the point where (1) he recognizes the war (2) he sees his place in it (3) he comes to the realization that he is not able to be victorious in his own strength, and having realized this (4) he cries out to God for mercy and help. Ultimately, every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord. Unfortunately, lifetimes of pain and suffering often have to occur before this will happen. Often times, a person dies without bending the knee to the Lord....but he will eventually- not as Lord, but as Judge. What a terrible awakening!

This is my story:

I guess I always knew there was a God. I mean, only a fool would look at a beautiful flower, or the stars at night, or a new born baby and not see God. But God was not real to me in the sense that I could say he was "my God". In my mind, He was afar off. Unapproachable. Distant. Somewhere "up there", beyond the stars there was a supreme being who was obviously "too busy running the universe" to be interested in little ole' me. Sure, there was a God, but He wasn't my God. And anyway, I had my whole life before me- there was plenty of time for religion later.

I remember when I was in high school. I went with some friends in my neighborhood to a church. I enjoyed the people, other high schoolers, and the fun times they had. Although I often thought some of the things they did were "corny", it was still fun all the same. They seemed to have something I didn't. I know now that God was calling out to me then. He was trying to show me Himself in the lives of those other kids...but I wasn't interested in God, just a good time! There is plenty of time for God later on.

In college, I discovered something that really drew me further away from God. It was called "the party". You're free now, have a ball! Why study when you can have a good time-- like a dance every Friday and Saturday night...some beer if you were lucky. And on Sunday, how nice it was to lay around and watch TV to recuperate from the weekend's activities. Life for me at that time was having a good time...being free to do my own thing...no, not God, not religion. Anyway, who could prove that God was real? No, there was plenty of time for that stuff later.

The pleasures of college life soon gave way to the jungles of Vietnam as a natural outcome of poor college performance. I wasn't laughing then! I wasn't having a good time then! But even in the midst of the war and my tour as an FMF Corpsman with a Marine infantry company, God was there. Even though I didn't see it, He was there all the time. I can remember no less than five occasions when God miraculously intervened and my life was spared. (Looking back it's very clear! That bullet that just missed! The huge hunk of shrapnel that thudded into the ground next to my right leg! The enemy machine gun that pinned me down! Why wasn't I on that chopper that crashed? The foxhole someone had dug in the trail that just happened to be there as
I tripped and fell in... a split-second before the mortar round exploded. How did that RPG miss the chopper hovering just inches over my head?) Some would call this fate (my time wasn't up) or luck (being in the right place at the right time), but I know now it was God. Did I stop to give thanks and submit my life to the one who had repeatedly save my life? No, there was plenty of time for that.

On returning to the states and eventually finishing college, getting married and securing a job, I found that many things occupied my time. Working, having a family, trying to make it in the world, only caused me to put God further on the back burner. Oh yes, I went to church occasionally, mostly to please my wife. And because it was good for business (good contacts, you know). Anyway, there was plenty of time for God, hey, I was still young and healthy. God can allow you the desires of your heart, and yet send leanness into your soul. I am convinced that the continued lack of satisfaction in life I experienced was exactly that.

As my business life became more active, so the distance from God.. I wasn't concerned about God then. I didn't realize that I was hell-bound, getting further and further away from God. My heart appeared to be getting harder. I became insensitive to my sin and to those around me. I didn't see myself as a sinner...that is, compared to some people I knew. Was God still speaking to me? Yes.
In His love for me, He sent some Godly people and a Bible study into my life at that point and I began to listen...but, there was plenty of time for God. Perhaps soon!

What happened then?

What changed my life? What caused me to desire to stop going my way and turn to God? It was this! One night in a church service, God spoke to my heart (not audibly, but very real) . He spoke like He had ever spoken before. The conversation might have gone something like this:

"Son, for 38 years I have put up with your sin, your rebellion, your procrastination. For 38 years you have lived a life of going your own way. Remember the times I spoke to you? Remember the people I sent your way? Remember the times I saved your life in Vietnam?"

"Yes, Lord."

"Well, that's it. I'm not going to speak to you anymore. For you today is the day of salvation. You come today! This is your last chance, the last time I'm speaking to you."

"But God, there's plenty of time. I'm young. I have so much to do."

"No, this is it! There isn't any more time. You must committ your will and follow me. Not next year,
next week, or even in the morning."

"OK, Lord. Yes, I will do that. I take You to be my Lord and Savior, my King. I'm sorry! Forgive me, Lord. Help me to change."

Well, I was set free that day in July of 1984. God is in the "life changing" business, you know! Do I still sin? Yes. Do I still dishonor God? Yes, at times I'm afraid I still do. But sin no longer controls my life. I do not desire to sin. And when I do, God is gracious to point it out to me. I go to Him, ask forgiveness, and I know He forgives me. (1 John 1:9 tells us "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.")

You see, there was a point in my life where I had no time for God, although intellectually I believed in Him. Nevertheless, He had no real place in my life. He wasn't in the equation (unless I got desperate!). But all the time, He was there. He was speaking. He was patient. He gave me every opportunity to respond to Him, and eventually "called my hand." If I had not responded that night, or had died in my procrastination, I would have been eternally separated from God.
You see, God was never afar off. He wasn't distant....I was!!

A favorite verse of Scripture is 2 Peter 4:1-5:

"Therefore, since Christ suffered in His body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do--living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. They think it strange that you do not plunge with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you. But they will have to give account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead."

I am thankful to God for His mercy and His forgiveness. Enough of the old me! By His grace and with His help, this verse will characterize my life from now on. I choose victory! I choose not to go my own way, but God's way. I have experienced true love, freedom, and forgiveness. Have you? . Is He your God?