A More Extended Biography
Disclaimer (sorta): Some of what I've written here is about the more troublesome aspects of my life and my past. The kind of things you don't just "get over" quickly, if at all. My goal is not to get pity, but rather to give hope to anyone out there who can relate, to let them know they are not alone, and that help is readily available, even if "cures" are not . But not everything is/ was bad. I've had many great times as well as awful times, but the "unpleasant" stuff described below had a major influence on my life and overall quality of life, often over-shadowing the better parts. Through such things I have learned the immeasurable value of having Christ in my life.
I was born 02/02/79 in Holland, MI (USA), premature by 7+ weeks and taken C-section. I was the last of 4 surviving children (I had three brothers older than my eldest sister who all passed away). I have two older sisters and one older brother, as well as six terrific nieces and nephews, with another on the way! My father left our family for good when I was 10 months old, leaving my (fantastic and spiritually strong) mother to raise 4 children with very little money. He was an "unkind" man, so it was good that he left, for all of our sakes, but before departing he left me with an affliction (due to some form of abuse in my infancy) that I've had my entire life, called Fibromyalgia. As a child, I often complained of severe pain in my body, especially my arms and legs, and I remember several instances when I literally begged my mother to cut my legs clean off. I went to several doctors and specialists for many years, and was incorrectly diagnosed at age 7 with Muscular Dystrophy. I spent the next 5 years in a wheelchair most of the time, at the stern recommendation of my doctors.
When I was 12, I abandoned the wheelchair as I felt I didn't need it, and was more than sick of people teasing me, gawking at me, pointing, staring, and making comments to each other about me. I experienced this type of crap from people of all ages, and was fully aware of it (the social stigma of being in a wheelchair can be overwhelming, just ask anyone who's in one). I was also overweight and made fun of for that as well as my diagnosis. Basically to my peers, I was the fat kid without a dad in a wheelchair with a "disease". Growing up I didn't have many real friends, and most of the kids in the neighborhood would literally run away from me if they saw me coming. There were very few exceptions, like Cory.
As I got older and moved from my small country grade school (where I had made a few great friends, like Kate and Jen!) into high school, I began to make more authentic friends. Particularly Ryan, Jason, Marc H., Tommy, Leah, Becky S., Jodi K., Ben D. Ben H., Mark D., Adam E. ("Spleenless"), Boeve, Kate H., among others like Betsy, Lindsay L., and Becky (not to be confused with the other Becky mentioned). They accepted me exactly as I was, despite my shortcomings, and still remain members of my core group of friends, along with Jim F.
When I entered college I was blessed with even more true and wonderful friends like Whitney, Adam H., Sarah "PEZ-ly", Chris, Chevron, Carrie, Maggie Moe (Love ya', sparkler!) and Nick, Celia (insert *big* Internet hug here), Lisa, Barber, Maria, Karl, Mark and Jen, Craig and Dana, Melissa C. Erin, Amy P., Sandy, "Putsy", Andy B., and so many more! Though some of these people I've lost contact with, I will always keep my faith in re-connecting and reparation for those I've been distanced from. If you're an old friend, PLEASE email me at animuspugna@hotmail.com. I'd love to hear from you!
Around this same time I became friends with other very special people, like my brother-in-heart, Abraham and his sweetheart sister, Quenta, and their folks, Kelly and Doug! (that whole family has done nothing but treat me like family from day-one. God bless them all).
I could just keep on going (Aimee, Stacey, Jen A., Jess and Gabe...)- God has truly blessed me with amazing, fun and supportive friends who are considerate, caring, compassionate and forgiving! I also have my pets: my sweet little 4 pound Yorkie, Gidget, and my *big* white, fluffy cat, Gabriel.
As a college freshman, I also began researching Muscular Dystrophy, and realized that I just didn't fit the symptoms. I went back to my doctors, who agreed. So I was back to square one, still having all of the widespread pain throughout my entire body, as well as awful stomach trouble, sleep disturbance, and chronic fatigue. For more than 11 years I believed I had a disease which I didn't, and spent years in a wheelchair that wasn't necessary. At age 22 I was finally properly diagnosed with Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS). The specialist that diagnosed my Fibromyalgia, who spent much time working at the well-respected Mayo Clinic, told me that at least 9 out of 10 children with Fibromyalgia (which I've had my entire life) were subject to severe emotional or physical trauma/ abuse in infancy. With my father's record of abuse, it was easy to connect the dots. As a child, my fear of my father carried over even to other kids' dads, and if I was playing at a friend's house and their dad came home, I would have a full-blown panic-attack and insist that I had to go home (without giving any clear reason). Over the years I slowly got over this fear, though it did take a while. I also at a young age resolved myself to be nothing like my father, and to try to get all that he had gotten wrong in his life right in my own life. This goal is still paramount for me today.
When I started college, I was also diagnosed with Depression. My depression grew deeper and darker over the next few years and I started having awful spiritual experiences, night-terrors, and felt an overall strong sense of emptiness, worthlessness, and a crushing inner darkness. A few years later, while in my darkest days, I heard of a young minister that was said to be very understanding, committed and caring, named Trent. Without Trent's willingness to help me, a total stranger, I might not even be here right now! He immediately pledged to do whatever he could for me, and introduced me to Neil Anderson's "the Bondage Breaker" book and "the Steps to Freedom in Christ", which Trent took the time to guide me through, along with Joanne, a friend and prayer-partner. My life was forever changed. Though I still struggle and backslide at times, I now know that there is always hope- for everyone.
So now you have an idea as to who I am. Questions or comments? Email me at animuspugna@hotmail.com .