Rufus and Dufus
Dear Folk,
On this day, August 2, two nasty kings were killed. If I were king, I think today would be one I would stay in bed. It makes Friday the 13th look lucky.
King of England William II (known as Rufus - no kidding) was William the Conqueror and his wife Mathilda of Flanders' middle son, born in 1057. They had three and when Bill I (the Conqueror) died, here is how he split up his goods: Robert (the eldest) got the duchy of Normandy, Rufus got Jolly Old England, and Henry (the youngest) got 5000 pounds of silver. It is tough having three sons, ask Fred MacMurray, and King Bill I did the best he could by them. Of course nobody was happy about it.
Quite a few of the Norman barons, who had come over with Bill I, had one foot on each side of the pond: holdings both in Normandy controlled by Robert, and England controlled by Rufus. You know that saying about not being able to serve two masters? Exactly! The barons favored Robert because he was a relatively nice guy. Do you want to know about Rufus? In a moment, my children.
Anyway, the barons decided that they would just behave for Robert. Unfortunately for them, Robert did not come across the channel and stand up for them. Rufus made sure the barons knew exactly with whom they were playing. Something about a Louisville Slugger along side some of their heads, if you get my drift. Further, Rufus decided that Robert across the short and briny was a threat to him in Albion. Rufus took some petty cash and quietly slipped across to Normandy in 1089. Barons have been known to see the light, especially when it is reflected off gold. Rufus really didn't mean to but he wound up eroding his brother's power base. How do these things happen? In 1096, Robert, tired of governing and quarreling with his brothers, pawned Normandy to William Rufus for 10,000 marks to finance his departure to the Holy Land on the first Crusade.
William Rufus employed all the powers of the crown to secure wealth. What else makes up for the weight of wearing it? Every little law or secret codicil he turned to his favor such that he levied the heaviest of fines, taxes, confiscated land, even put in an incredible inheritance tax. He really had little else to do with his life: he never could win a bride and never sired any children. Rufus could also be a tad choleric in temperament. Raising money was as good of a hobby as any. Was good for his digestion.
Rufus did not stop there. He really hacked off the church. One of the ways he did that was in how he sneakily brought in money. When a bishop would die, King Rufus would not appoint another in his place. He held that position open. When folks were tithing and being all holy by giving money to the Church, Rufus was pocketing the loot. He had a royal weasel, Ranulf Flambard, who helped him figure out ways of milking the Church out of every conceivable penny. Heck, the Church looked like a big business to Rufus and darn it, they should pay taxes too. There was a big to-do when Anselm, Abbot of Bec, was appointed Archbishop of Canterbury in 1093. Rufus was sick at the time and thought to get right with God, so he named Anselm as Archbishop. Then when he got well, Rufus made Anselm quit the post. Talk about brash! Well, Rufus just never thought the wealth of the Canterbury bishopric should be entrusted to a churchman.
On August 2, 1100, William Rufus was out hunting in the woods with his dear brother Henry. Remember Henry? Something happened. An arrow, it is not clear who fired it, went straight into William Rufus' eye. Rufus was stone dead at the age of 40. Accident? Murder? I wasn't there. Robert was away on crusade. What else could a loyal brother do? Henry rode straight to get himself crowned Henry I King of England. The Church refused to give Rufus a church funeral or burial. Guess that showed him.
Another king who got himself seriously acutely and chronically dead on this date was Henry III of France. I know you remember our "Kiss me, Kill me, Kate" column where I talked about Kate de Medici. Here is her last son, the last of the Valois kings of France. He helped out on the St. Bartholomew's Day massacre in 1572 where tens of thousands of Huguenots suddenly died of an excess of steel in their diets. His brother Chuck IX died, it is rumored by an accidental poisoning by Mommy, in 1574. Henry was off in Poland where he had been elected king in 1573 so we know he did not do it. Honest.
Henry III came back to France and did his best to serve there. Guess he just let Poland fend for itself. He aligned himself with a group called the Catholic League -- it wasn't about bowling, I checked - headed up by Henri de Guise. This gets a tad confusing but hang on. The other leg of this triangle was a guy named Henry of Navarre (later became King Henry IV of France) who had married Margot, Kate's beautiful and willful daughter. Henry Navarre was in line to become king of France. This rankled both Henry III and de Guise. They tried to whomp up on Navarre but he beat them at Coutras (1587) in the War of the Henries. Henri de Guise, a sleazy cavalier, then left his king's side and decided to lead the mob against Henry III, his former friend. The mob ran poor King Henry III Valois out of Paris.
Henry Valois was nothing if he was not his mother's son. He arranged de Guise to have an accident. Some would call it an assassination. Then King Henry Valois joined forces with his brother-in-law (well, Margot no longer lived with him exactly) Henry Navarre to try to retake Paris. During the siege on this day August 2, 1589,. he was assassinated by a fanatical monk, Jacques Clément. Henry III was the last male member of the house of Valois.
What have we learned from Rufus and dufus Henry? Sometimes being king of one place is enough? Be careful of whom you go hunting with? Barons can be persuaded by being nice and giving them gifts? Henry might be too common of a name? Politics makes strange bedfellows? I like to think that anyone can be taken out if you are personally willing to put yourself on the line. No one is safe from a person "doing God's will."
Thanks for reading these small mailings. If you would like to send them on, just keep my name and sig attached.
Not looking to be king, myself; Pope is enough,
J. Ellsworth Weaver
SCA - Sir Balthazar of Endor
AS - Polyphemus Theognis
TRV - Sebastian Yeats