Silent Like an Orange

Dear Folk,

On July 10, 1584, William of Orange who was known as "The Silent" was killed by a fanatic. Why was this Orange sliced? Why was he known as "The Silent?"

Billy was a German count who had come by a French principality, Orange, and some land in the Netherlands as an inheritance. He was pretty good friends with Emperor Chuck V. Chuck's son was the infamous Spanish guy Phil II. Remember he had married Bloody Mary I, jilted her, and then later put together a fleet of ships -- called them his Armada -- to take England away from Lizzie I? True, same guy. Phil later married one of the daughter of Kate de Medici and Hank II of France. Isn't it interesting how this all links together?

Anyway, the Netherlands belonged to Spain at the time. The Spaniards believed that anyway. The Netherlands was a hotbed of Protestantism (although some of the Protestant beds were cold) and Phil II had instituted what he thought were needed reforms. Most of them revolved around whacking Protestants. The Dutch did some armed revolving themselves. Billy Orange was sent to France to arrange a treaty of truce. The king of France thought Billy was pro-Catholic and in the pocket of Chuck and his son so he kind of spilled the beans about how he knew Phil was going to essentially wipe out all those Protestants. Billy was like a tar baby: he didn't say nothing he just sat there and listened; thus, his nickname "The Silent." Billy supported freedom of religion and notified the rest of the boys what was up. Forewarned and all of that.

Phil II sent in the Duke of Alba and things got really low in the Low Countries. Billy's eldest son, Philip William, got abducted and hauled away to Spain. Alba played dragoon and killed most everyone who even looked non-Catholic. He beheaded the Counts of Egmont and Homes. This eventually po'd the Dutch such that they fought back. We now call it the Eighty Years War. Billy (who would be played by Mel Gibson if this were a movie) and his brothers sold their plates and jewels to raise money to kick out the Spanish. It was tough guerrilla fighting. Billy lost most of his early battles and two of his brothers got themselves killed.

Billy parked his wife, Anna, safely in Germany with his folks during the fighting. Anna got bored at her in-laws' place and became a general nuisance. Billy's folks got tired of her and her public nastiness. She moved to Cologne, the big city, and lead a wild life. When she got drunk, she beat and berated her staff. She threw outrageous parties. Ripped right through any money they had left.

Anna had a rather public affair with Johannes Rubens. Eventually she moved in with him. In 1571 Rubens was arrested. Anna said they had done nothing wrong even though she was very obviously pregnant. Note: Billy had not been home with her in a long time. This was 400 years before soap operas, remember. Anna broke down, told Billy to just go ahead and kill her and her Johnny. Hey, it was within the law of the time. Billy said no and told Rubens to scram. Anna gave birth to Peter Paul Rubens, the rather famous painter. She also gave birth to Ruben's daughter Christina. Billy had enough and had the marriage annulled. You know it was just as well. Anna had really gone around the bend. The staff kept knives away from her, she was delusional, and raged horribly.

In 1573 Billy became an official Protestant. He remarried twice. And of course, the Catholics never forgave him. In fact, one stabbed him to death on this day 1584. Anna had left Billy and her country something precious, Billy's son Maurits of Orand-Nassua. Maurits lead the troops which finally got rid of the Spanish from the Low Country in 1600. Their sovereignty was finally recognized 48 years later in the Treaty of Westphalia.

Christina was taken care of by Billy's family. They even found her a nice German count to marry.

What have we to learn from this? Softly, softly, catchee monkey? Don't try to force your religion on anyone? Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open your mouth and be proven one? How about, no matter how good you are in battle, you got to take care of business at home? Like Elvis' ring used to say: TCB.

Remember, you cannot measure beliefs, only actions, folks. As always if you forward this or any of my humble missives, make sure you keep my name and sig. intact.

Your chronicler,
Ellsworth Weaver

SCA -- Sir Balthazar of Endor
AS -- Polyphemus Theognis
TRV -- Sebastian Yeats