Three Kings

Dear Folk,

On this day July 2, at least three things happened. Probably a heck of a lot of great other things but shall we talk about at least these three and the three kings they affected?

I am sure most of you remember from an earlier date my talking about Hank VI, Lancaster king of Jolly Old England. It was noted that Hank was a nice guy but was a lousy king. He really did not do much toward keeping order, stability and prosperity in his realm. Instead he was caught up in things like Bible study and trying to decide the rules for kids painting on scrolls. Now I want to tell you about another guy who opposed Hank -- Jack Cade - and his rebellion. For on this date, the rebellion spread into London.

Jack might have been Irish, we really don't know. What we do know is that he sometimes went by the name of John Mortimer and fought for France against England during the Hundred Years War. With what England had been doing to Ireland since King John's time, who could blame him?

In May 1450, Jack and some local boys decided that the nobles were taking peasants' land, stealing folks blind, taxing and pillaging, forcing folks to work for nothing (we call that slavery), and the incredibly corrupt courts which were letting all this go on. Jack Cade's Rebellion, as it became known, trounced the government force at Sevenoaks, Kent, too. Huzzah! As mentioned previously, Jack entered London to the cheers of most. His boys forced the London authorities to condemn and execute both the sheriff of Kent and his father-in-law, the lord chamberlain under King Hank. King Hank was hurried out of the way to safety of Coventry. Heavy duty stuff. Everybody was ready to go back to business as usual but Jack pushed things too far. More violence erupted and the good London folk thought that was bad for business. You know how revolutions can get in the way of the tourist trade.

The rebellion was soon in chains. Most of his men accepted pardons and some offered concessions by King Hank. One little whoopsy: Jack Cade was pardoned as John Mortimer. On July 12th, 1450. the new sheriff of Kent, deciding to rectify things and take advantage of the opportunity offered by that error, hunted down and killed Jack near Heathfield in Sussex.

Now you might say that Jack Cade died in vain (or in Sussex) but that rebellion sort of catalyzed the events which led to the rise of Dick York (Edward IV and Richard III's dad) and the War of the Roses. Not only were Hank and the Lancasters of less noble blood, they were lousy administrators the Yorks could and did charge. So, thanks, Jack.

July 2 also marks the anniversary of the Battle of Marston Moor (1644) in the first English Civil War (1642 - 1646). This was a battle between the forces of Parliament and the Royalists (supporters of King Chuck I) in England. Marston Moor was a wild and windswept place about 6 miles west of York. The folks from Parliament were lead by Lord Fairfax. The Royalists by the 1st Earl of Newcastle. The situation in the war had been swinging both ways for awhile until the Scots got involved. Let's step back for a sec and look at the cause of this unrest.

Chuck Stuart I was a great believer of the "Divine Right of Kings." What he took that to mean is that sure he had some responsibilities but he was king because God willed it so. Anyone questioning the king's right to sit his throne was, in essence, a heretic. Cool position if you can get everybody to go along with it. Remember that Chuck came from the Scottish Stuarts who gave England King James (yes, the guy who commission the Bible to be translated) right after Lizzie I died childless. Okay, we all know Lizzie probably was Francis Bacon's mom but...oh, I wasn't supposed to tell you that, was I? Forget about that, okay? Anyway, these nice Scottish folk were heavy into religion and being king.

Problem was we had had so many other rebellions against bad rule there in England from King John and his baron's war to Jack Cade. The Divine Right thing just was not flying, especially not with the Parliament who had gotten stronger under Lizzie.

Back to Marston. Newcastle was aided by Prince Rupert and they were opposed by the Parliament forces aided by the Scots. Now you might ask why the Scots were fighting against the Stuarts who were Scottish. The answer is a long one but suffice it to say Scots like fighting everybody second only to fighting other Scots. Besides Chuck had gotten himself too far away from Scottish ways. He was pretty darn Frenchified to the mind of many a single malt drinker. Prince Rupert and Newcastle decided that being holed-up in York was not a good idea and decided to head out of town where they could commence to mash and bash these upstarts.

It was nasty and darkening when the Royalist forces finally got to the site. Raining. It was obviously too nasty to fight, the ground was all slippery and unsafe. Probably best just to pitch a tent and relax until morning. Darn it! Nobody told Fairfax and the Parliamentarians (what a wuss name! hard to even fit on a uniform much less as a battle cry.) Fairfax and company fell upon the Royalists. Slaying was the order of the evening. Rain and bad weather eventually did not bother any further 6000 late human beings. Most of the dead were Royalists, especially their officers and experienced troops. The Royalists decided York was not such a fun place and left quickly.

Two years later Chuck I surrendered to the Scots. The Scots turned around and sold Chuck to Parliament for 400,000 pounds. That is a ton o'money even today. Chuck made an escape to the Isle of Wight in November 1647. The Scots switched sides to fight for Chuck in order to get some English property in July 1648. Oliver Cromwell beat the Scots at the Battle of Preston in August 1648. King Chuck lost his crown and what was holding it January 30th, 1649. Sigh.

I cannot let today go by without noting the passing of a sweetheart of a guy named Michel in 1566. He was born 14th December 1503 near Avignon. He was a clairvoyant, an astrologer, a doctor of medicine, a cosmetician, and a considerable historian. His grandfather, a Jew, taught him Greek, Latin, Hebrew, and astrology / astronomy. He even had some luck at treating plague victims. Obviously a bad guy. Michel (Mike to us who knew him) did lose his wife and kids to the plague and his father-in-law sued him to recover the dowry he had put up. And you thought that unfair legal suits are new. He also upheld the heretical viewpoint that the earth orbited the sun (this was 100 years before Galileo, by the way.)

A chance remark caused Mike a bit of trouble. He told an "artist" casting some bronze statue of the Virgin that the artist "was making devils." He meant it as a critique of the artwork not because he wasn't down with the BVM, honest. Because of his astrology and because his family had been Jewish until pious Christians with swords and other devices convince them to see the light, the Inquistion did think they ought to torture him a might to see if they could get him back in line. Mike took off and hit the road. Sort of staying out of churches.

Queen Kate de Medici could not get enough of him. Mike predicted her hubby's death, Hank II with the splintered lance (remember?) and that all her sons would be king. Well, he missed on one of them, Frank snuffed before he could inherit. It is said that Hank II was not much interested in Mike's predictions. However, later on Kate even gave Mike a title of Physician in Ordinary, which carried with it a salary and other bennies.

Sadly though, Mike passed away on this date July 2 leaving behind the 12 volumes of prophecies covering thousands of years into his future. No other prophet since has covered such a large span of time. His book The Centuries contains 965 quantrains written in the latter part of his life. Oh, most folks called Mike by his Latinized last name: Nostradamus.

What have we learned? Divine rights of kings only work when all the folks believe it? In-laws should be outlawed? Scotsmen can attack at night and may switch sides to boot? Stay out of churches if you are an astrologer? Always make sure they spell your name right in the papers and on the papers? I think I like: Kings who do not pay attention get whacked.

Don't you get whacked out there. I need the audience. Send me your impressions, comments, praise, room keys. And when you forward these, and I know you will, please be gentle and keep my name and email on it. Thanks.

Celebrate your interdependence,
Ellsworth