Freddie Goes to Antioch

Dear Folk,

On this day, July 30, 1178 a German, possibly the most kingly of men, was crowned king of Burgundy. No human could successfully stand against the man the Italians nicknamed "Red Beard". Must have been a very fiery personality but I wonder, astrologically speaking, how much water did he have in his chart.

Frederick was born in 1122 or 1123 to the Hohenstaufen family. He was named after his dad, who was duke of Swabia.. When his dad passed on in 1147, Freddie took his place as duke. A year earlier (1146) he had already sort of made the cover of "People" magazine by whomping up on Duke Conrad of Zahringen. So he had proved himself in battle. In March of 1152, Freddie was hands-down elected King of Germany. Hey, he was kingly.

Freddie took Charles the Great (Charlemagne) as his ideal of what Germany and the rest of Europe needed. Fact of the matter, Freddie could have ruled the world, at least he believed, if the rest of the world would have just known him.

Let's set the stage a little. Lothar III was crowned emperor of the Holy Roman Empire by Pope Innocent III in 1133. Conrad and Freddie's dad had said they recognized that (took them two years of tussling to get to that point.) Lothar died in 1137. Conrad, Freddie's uncle, stepped into that gap. The Second Crusade (tell you why we are talking Crusades here in a bit) failed miserably in 1147 just as Freddie became duke.

Freddie married a gal named Beatrice who just happened to be the heiress to Upper Burgundy. There was this constant push, you see, for Frederick to become something more than just king. What marriage and relations could not donate, Freddie felt that arms might. When he invaded and then destroyed Milan (home of those yummy Milano cookies; love the ones with double stuff), the Italians gave him a nickname that stayed with him throughout history, "Red Beard." In Italian it comes out as "Barbarossa.".

The Pope crowned Frederick I Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. Freddie took that as a signal that it was okay to lay his plans down over everybody. Many of the city states like those in Lombardy rebelled. Fact is that Freddie had to fight with just about everyone, including the Pope. The Vatican rarely lost any long-term wars. Finally, Freddie and Pope Alexander III made peace in Venice when the Pope decided that Freddie really and truly understood that an emperor's business was domestic affairs and that religious things belonged to the Pope. Freddie could play nice when pressed.

That settled, Frederick had little to do but to do the right thing and liberate the Holy Land. That nasty Saladin had been whomping up on the Latin East for quite some time. In 1187, Saladin wiped out the flower of the Latin East at the Battle for the Horns of Hattin (we talked about that on July 4). Freddie wrote him first a stern letter saying: give those lands back to the Christians or you'll be sorry. Saladin wrote him back saying that he would give back a church or two and maybe even release some Franks (not hotdogs, the crusaders were all called Frank. It was sort of like "Joe" in WW II.) Well, that was down right insulting, so Freddie packed up and moved a crusade out.

I think that reports exaggerate the size of Freddie's army when they say 100,000 troops. Still, he must have had a grunch of gunchers with him as they set out from Regensburg in May 1189. Think of that: Freddie was leaving just as Richard the Lionheart became king of England. Freddie was about 67 years old and here he is taking off to kill some heathens. Got to admire that spirit.

The troops under Freddie were well-disciplined. Things were always tough marching towards the Holy Land. It was hot, and dry, and a very hungry land. Even so, everyone held together. No one wanted Freddie to spank them.

On the other side of the ditch, over in Constantinople, Byzantine Emperor Isaac Angelus was getting a tad worried. Here was an army of mostly German folk, marching toward his kingdom. Fact is, Isaac had been fighting with some nice folks in the Balkans (remember the Bulgars?), while the Turks were pushing into Anatolia (what is now Turkey), and the Italians were fighting for hunks of Macedonia. Freddie had passed unmolested through Bulgaria which could only mean that Freddie was in cahoots with the rebels. Yeah, it was tough for Isaac.

I know this sounds shameful but Isaac Angelus had cut a deal with Saladin. Isaac promised Saladin that Freddie's troops would be held up as long as possible. Neither wanted all those hearty German tourists with broadswords staying in their lands. Isaac made sure that food was elsewhere. Frederick decided to turn his folks down to Thrace where he knew he could get some sauerkraut and knockwurst. This put the two Emperors at a deadlock. Isaac imprisoned Freddie's German envoys. Freddie decided that Thrace really was part of the Holy Roman Empire and go ahead kill those envoys, Isaac. Eventually, Isaac could not stand against Freddie. In February 1190, he agreed to transport the German troops across the Dardenelles.

Freddie and company took the inland road toward the Holy Land. Konya fell to the crusaders in May 1190. Their route then took them through some very dry and hot areas as they trekked the Taurus mountains. Finally, they emerged at the Calycadnus river near the town of Seleucia. They were hot, tired, dry, dusty. Freddie was so happy to get clear of that nasty desert mountain range, he decided that it was a perfect time for skinny dipping. He plunged into the river and tried to swim across it. The Calycadnus was a lot colder than it looked, a lot swifter than it looked, and had a nifty whirlpool. Freddie and the whirlpool collided. The whirlpool won. Fred was dead.

The crusading army was shattered. Some returned home right away. Others carried Freddie, pickled in vinegar, to the Holy Land and buried most of him in St. Peter's church in Antioch (place where they found the Spear of Destiny). A few of Freddie's bones were taken all the way to Jerusalem.

What, if anything, have we learned from Freddie? Fighting the church seldom wins you a seat in heaven? Sometimes guys you deal with have their own problems and agendas? Not everyone will go along with what you know is right? A few ambassadors are not an even exchange for a whole lot of land? Getting pickled sometimes makes travel more bearable? How about always swim with a buddy? Man, that thing about swimming in a creek seems to be true!

Happiest of birthdays and birth weeks to a friend, Martin the Warrior. May your struggles bring you victory.

As always, if you are forwarding these to the Holy Land, make sure my name and sig. are attached.

Looking for a safe swimmin' hole,
J. Ellsworth Weaver

SCA - Sir Balthazar of Endor
AS - Polyphemus Theognis
TRV - Sebastian Yeats