How Does Your Bloody Garden Grow?

Dear Folk,

On this date July 7, 1553 Mary Tudor spent the day hiding in Sawston Hall. She was hiding from the Duke of Northumberland. What was she doing?

You may recall from yesterday that Mary was the daughter of Hank VIII and Catherine of Aragon. (One of my readers complained that I was using too many nicknames. See, I am cutting back.) She was his first child. If he had loved her just a little more, she might not have earned the sobriquet (more Laurel-sounding than "nickname") of "Bloody Mary." She had Cardinal Wolsey as a godfather which sort of led her to becoming a strong and (dare I say fanatic? No) fervent Catholic.

Guess how Mary felt when Hank dumped her mom? Well, how would you feel? On top of all of that daddy dearest was now head of his own church. Mary was rather outspoken which did not help to increase how dad felt about her. Hank did not take feedback very well. He even separated Mary from her mom.

Mary's new stepmom was that enchanting (in perhaps more ways than one) Anne Boleyn. Talk about your fairytale wicked stepmother! Anne did not like Mary one bit. The felines were mutual. Anne occasionally let it slip that maybe Mary and her mom were going to be shortened by Hank's axeman. Then she would say, "Whoopsy! Did I say that out loud?" and giggle embarassedly. Nothing like playing "flip-a-kitty" to raise a normal, healthy daughter. Yes sir, it was nothing like that at all.
Ex-queen Kate passed on from natural causes. Hey, I wasn't there. Anne got a taste of her own medicine when Hank told her she needed a close haircut. See what happens being so nasty to folks? This was in 1536. Mary got another new stepmom, Jane Seymour. Mary was only 20 and already had three moms. Jane, may she rest in peace, gave Hank what he wanted - a boy - but died giving birth to him in 1542. That was a shame, too, because Jane really seemed to like Mary.

When Hank finally died in 1547, young Eddie took the throne. Six years later, he died. Wow! It was not healthy being a Tudor, by marriage or by birth. Incidentally, no one told Mary about Eddie's death on July 6, 1553 for a couple days. Any guesses why?

We get back to Duke of Northumberland. He was Lord President of the Council, bunch of guys advising the young Eddie about how to rule. Remember, Eddie was 5 when he took the throne and only 16 when he died. Other folks were ruling here. Northumberland fixed things with the ailing young king to disinherit both Mary and Lizzie (Anne's kid) in favor of this wonderful gal named Lady Jane Grey. Jane, strangely enough, was Northumberland's own daughter-in-law. Jane was about 16 at the time, and a Protestant. She ruled for only 9 days as Queen.

Mary ducked Northumberland who was searching for her. I think he wanted to console her or otherwise ease her pain on the loss of Eddie. Sure. Mary got herself to London and was declared Queen. Northumberland decided that discretion being the better part of staying alive, went and kissed her hand. Smart move.

Although her advisors told her to whack both Northumberland and Jane, she nixed it. She did give the Catholic bishops back their Sees. When Mary did the crowning bit in Westminster, it was a September ceremony to die for, she let it be known that the throne was kind of cold and lonely. She got engaged to Phillip II of Spain. Her mom was Spanish, the Spaniards were getting very rich off in the New World. What was the problem?

A smallish revolution was whipped up by Sir Thomas Wyatt and company in 1554. They did not really like the restoration of Catholicism and worse, having a Spaniard sitting on the English throne. Mary's forces easily crushed the rebellion and had everybody with it executed, that also meant Lady Jane Grey. Can't say she did not warn her.

Strangely enough, that did not shut up the folk. Doggone it, those peasants and nobles just did not quit. Mary put into effect things known as Heresy Laws. Essentially, you speak against Mary and the Church, you die. You know, we take a lot of freedoms for granted. Those of you who wish to live in the Middle Ages, think on that for a second: Heresy Laws. How long would any of us live? (end of sermon) In four years, 277 folks in England learned to be very quiet. They were burned to death in the name of peace. Mary thought she was doing the right thing.

Mary did not have skittles and beer at her home either. Although she was in love with hubby Phil, when he found out that she could not give him a boy child, he left her. He hated the English and Bennie Hill, I think. Mary was sick a lot with dropsy (an accumulation of lymph in the tissues). Phil never missed a chance to dis her in public about that or anything else. The last of Mary's life was just depressing for her as the first. She died at St. James's Palace in London in 1558, at the age of 42. I think she was relieved.

Anything to learn here? Be careful of those wishing to console you? Grasshopper is always wrong in argument with chicken? Be careful what you wish on others because it may come to you? No matter how many folk you burn, you still may not be happy? Not many foreigners appreciate English cooking or comedy? How about a family that slays together... no, never mind.

Thanks for those well wishes. You folks are just wonderful. Some of you, at least. As always, if you want to forward this or any of the musings, just keep my name and email intact.

And a big happy birthday to a certain, unnamed poet whom I dearly love but will not embarrass.

I spell my name,
J. Ellsworth Weaver III

SCA - Sir Balthazar of Endor
AS - Polyphemus Theognis
TRV - Sebastian Yeats
(some people call me Maurice)