Oh Ricky, You're So Fine (part II)

Dear Folk,

Thank you for your patience.

Where were we then? Ah yes, Eddie IV was on the throne, now married to Elizabeth Woodville, the beautiful widow of a rather common knight. Eddie's brother George Duke of Clarence married Warwick's elder daughter, Isabel, and Eddie was hacked. No consideration there for Eddie embarrassing Warwick on his mission to France. Ricky is now Duke of Gloucester.

Warwick was very peeved at Eddie. In 1469 Warwick did a little channel surfing and found himself allied with Maggie of Anjou, the Xena of the Lancastrians, and her son Edward Lancaster. What is worse, Warwick talked his new son-in-law George Duke of Clarence into switching sides and deserting his brothers. Warwick even married up his other daughter, the lovely Anne, to Edward Lancaster to seal the deal. Warwick tried to bring Ricky over but Ricky stayed loyal to his brother Eddie. Good lad.

You have to hand it to Warwick, he did things right. He came back across the channel and kicked York butt. Eddie and Ricky fled off to Burgundy. Warwick sprang Hank VI, the old king, from the slammer and set him up as king. Admittedly we do not know if Hank VI even knew he had been deposed for awhile.

Eddie and Ricky did not just sit there drinking Burgundy dry. Everyone knows that burgundy is fairly sweet anyway. I once tried drinking Canada Dry and almost drowned. Eddie and Ricky came back and beat on old Warwick. George Clarence switched sides, again. Surprised? Meanwhile Warwick and Edward Lancaster (married to Anne Warwick) got themselves acutely and chronically deceased. By 1471 Eddie was back in the saddle for good.

It seemed important to make sure the Lancasters stayed down so Eddie ordered Hank VI to see his primary care physician at a special York HMO. Hank expired of "natural causes" - over abundance of iron I hear. Shed a tear.

During the unpleasantness, Lizzie went off and had a son by Eddie. They named him Eddie (as in Eddie V). Later on they had another son whom they dubbed Ricky York (after his uncle); aw.

Ricky asked his brother Eddie's permission to marry the widow Anne. Anne was pretty darned rich being one of the heirs of Warwick and the Neville's fortune. George claimed he was Anne's protector. Somehow Eddie never trusted George again after those trips across the channel. Ricky got to marry his childhood sweetheart, Anne. I know, you saw Richard III and think that Anne was some helpless pawn in the clutches of the ruthless Ricky. Maybe that is true but they did know each other pretty darned well..

George somehow was not smart. One of the words on the street was that he had obtained some evidence that Eddie and Lizzie's wedding wasn't legit. He was "discreetly" showing this evidence to one-person-at-a-time. Eddie arrested George and was going to quietly try him for treason. Ricky actually pleaded for his brother's life. Lizzie's kin were very hacked at George, of course, and at Ricky for muddying up a perfectly good lynching. In 1478, just after Isabel's death, Eddie did the right thing by his bride and had George see that doctor of his.

Not much happened in the next few years until 1483. Richard and Anne lived sweetly together in their childhood home. All was cool and the kingdom prospered. Of course in April 1483, Eddie IV died. In his will
he named Ricky to be guardian of Eddie V and protector of the realm. Lizzie's folk, the Woodvilles, worried about being sent back to the trailer courts decided to just take care of little Eddie V themselves. Ricky got wind of it, drove down to London and grabbed the boy from those yokels.

Then within a week that evidence that George had gotten hold of suddenly surfaced. Seems that Edward IV was really already betrothed and could not have legitimately married Lizzie. Whoops! That makes Eddie V and Ricky York born on the wrong side of the tapestry, so to speak. While embarrassing, that did mean that the only one with claim to the throne was Ricky. He took over with the wishes of Parliament and the people of England. Mostly.

Two years does not seem like a long time for anything. Ricky III got to be king only for two short years. On August 22, 1485 the last Lancaster Henry (VII) Tudor's forces met Ricky III at the battle of Bosworth Field. Remember the "a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse" scene? Hank Tudor only won because the Stanleys betrayed Ricky at the last minute. Ricky III perished himself there. Hank did not even fight in the battle. Coward!

Tudor was from an illegitimate line, himself, but he did win that battle, sort of. Who killed those two sons of Eddie IV? It may well have been Ricky but it may have also been Hank Tudor. With all this legitimizing of bastard kids, Eddie's kids were much better claimants to the throne. For that matter, there were at least ten others with better claim to the throne. Somehow those folks all died, must have been in the same HMO, within a few years of Hank VII's ascension. Puzzling evidence.

Hank tried to look a little more presentable by marrying Eddie IV's eldest daughter, Lizzie York. From this line we get Hank VIII, a pleasant guy who had some dysfunctional marriages, and his daughter Lizzie I, the Virgin Queen. Gee whiz, Shakespeare was writing about the time of Lizzie's reign. Isn't it interesting that Ricky III, the guy killed by Lizzie's grandfather, was portrayed as such a bad guy? Hunchback and everything. History is a bit confused as to if Ricky was deformed but it made great theatre. Look what Disney did with Victor Hugo.

So ends the War of the Roses and the short reign of Ricky III. Hero, villain, or just this guy? You decide. What have we learned with all of this? You might be careful of channel surfing when someone else is trying to watch? Following your uncle's advice might not be so hot? Some bastards shouldn't be king but some wind up being one anyway? Marrying your childhood sweetheart is worth the wait? Write flattering things about your patron's family? I don't know, I think I'll stick with "History is written by the winners."

And yes, "Looking for Richard" is simply wonderful. Go rent it and see Al Pacino deconstructing "Richard III." Wynona Rider, you were luscious as Anne. I would stab myself if you asked it, too. Kevin Spacey was very deep and crafty as Buckingham. The whole thing is worth owning. Buy a copy and give it to you local theatre group.

As always, forward to whomever but keep my name and email on it. Maybe Wynona will want to get in touch.

Go out and do something historical,
Ells