Cinq-ing Mars

Dear Folk,

On September 12, 1642, a twenty-two year old boy-toy of the King of France, who had been caught raising a revolution against his liege lord, was shortened by the headsman's ax.

Henri Coiffier de Ruze was born in 1620. He was the son of the marshal Antoine Coiffier-Ruze, marquis d'Effiat. The marshal was a good friend of one of the most powerful men of the Middle Ages, Cardinal Richelieu. When Antoine died in 1632, Richelieu took young Henri under his protective wing. Come on, we all know that cardinals have nice red wings, don't we? Henri became a very pretty young man. Richelieu introduced him to France's number one son, Louis XIII, and by 1639 Henri, at nineteen, had become Louis' favorite. Louis gave him the title "maître de la garde robe" ("master of the robes") which you may assume meant that he helped Louis get dressed and undressed. You may also assume many more things, you wicked readers, and are probably right. Louis was barely thirty-eight at the time.

Louis XIII (born 1601) was the eldest son of King Henry IV and Marie de Medicis, Louis succeeded to the throne upon the assassination of his father in May 1610. Remember the Battle of the Three Henries? The Queen Mom was regent until Louis came of age in 1614; but she continued to govern for three years more. As part of her policy of allying France with Spain, she arranged the marriage (November 1615) between Louis and Anne of Austria, daughter of the Spanish king Philip III. Isn't that interesting about how Ms. Blank of Austria seems somehow to be daughter of the kings of Spain? Those silly Habsburgs were everywhere. Yes, it was an arranged marriage, as most were among the royalty. What can one say?

By 1617 young King Louis, resentful at being excluded from power, had taken as his favorite the ambitious Charles d'Albert de Luynes, who soon became the "one with whom to speak" in the government. Louis exiled his mother to Blois; and in 1619-20 she raised two unsuccessful rebellions. Although Richelieu (who was not yet a cardinal), her principal adviser, led a love-in between her and Louis in August 1620, the relationship between the King and his mother remained one of thinly disguised hostility. Breakfasts were brutal, lunches were laughable, teas were tense, and suppers sarcastic. Plus Louis insisted on having those darned poodles and the even worse Charles d'Albert around underfoot.

Dear Charles died in December 1621. Louis was alone and had to face a Huguenot rebellion in the south. He actually went out to battle and was successful against a couple strongholds. He got some nice understandings with the Protestant folk in October. See, he could be king, Mother! Of course it was a strain. Louis was never in great health. He needed guidance. Even though Richelieu had been mommy's guy, he was pretty danged smart. In 1624 Louis made Richelieu has principal minister. It was a good move.

Richelieu built back the power of the French monarchy. He worked to decrease the Spanish-Austrian Habsburg power. He led a war against the Huguenot rebels at La Rochelle which fell in October 1628. Remember Buckingham and his attempts to rescue those folk? Another boy-toy of a king bites the dust. Heck, he even convinced Louis to lead an army into Italy in 1629. Richelieu also made the nobles of France give up their country fortresses and move into court. Not bad, keep those folks where you can watch them. During the dramatic episode known as the Day of the Dupes (Nov. 10-12, 1630), the Queen Mother demanded that Louis dismiss Richelieu. After some headscratching and cogitating, the King decided to stand by his minister. Marie de Médicis and Gaston, duc d'Orléans, Louis' rebellious brother, withdrew into exile. Louis adopted the Cardinal's merciless methods in dealing with dissident nobles. Meanwhile, Anne of Austria, who had long been treated with disdain by her husband, had given birth (September 1638) to their first child, the dauphin Louis . But I digress and for a purpose or two which may become clearer in a moment, he said twirling his mustachieaux.

So we have the Queen Mom and Brother Orleans being cheesed off, the Habsburgs roasting, Richelieu in the cat bird seat, and Louis with an heir (do not ask how) but now infatuated with Henri Coiffier-Ruze, Cinq-Mars. Although Louis was hung-up on Cinq-Mars, the fickle young thing put him through too many changes. Okay, they always kissed and made up but it was drama-queens with big hair everywhere. Cinq-Mars' extravagance, arrogance, and libertine behavior soon alarmed Richelieu. Cinq-Mars, no dummy, recognized that the Cardinal intended to prevent him from gaining political influence. Cinq-Mars decided that there were only so many places at the table for guys wearing dresses and that red was just so over. It was time to croak the cardinal.

Cinq-Mars first partnered up with the Count de Soissons in an abortive conspiracy against Richelieu in 1641. Lucky for him, Cinq-Mars covered his trail and did not fall when the coup went into the potty. Figuring that if you wanted something done right, you ought to do it yourself, he then devised his own plot, involving the king's brother, Gaston, Duke d'Orléans, and other high nobles interested in getting higher. Gaston was in exile and was just mad enough to help. The ideas was to start many confusing small revolts. While the King was occupied, the Spanish "friends of order" would send a peacekeeping mission over the border to help. Okay, Spain and France were technically at war with each other right now. Maybe Louis would misconstrue such an action.

On March 13, 1642, Cinq-Mars signed with the Spanish king Philip IV a secret treaty by which Philip promised to aid the rebellion with arms and troops. In a terrible blunder a copy of the document fell into Richelieu's hands on June 11. Students, write a three hundred word essay on how you would feel as Richelieu with that document in your hands. Now, write a five word one on how you as Henri Cinq-Mars would feel when you found out Richelieu had it. Two days later Cinq-Mars was arrested.

The 22 year old King's favorite was tried for treason. The document was damning. He was convicted and beheaded on September 12, 1642. Richelieu died in December of that year. Louis died of tuberculosis on May 14, 1643. He was succeeded by his son, Louis XIV, the Sun King.

What have we learned? Never write down damning evidence? Some sycophants are only patting your back to get it ready for the dagger? Sometimes if we are content to wait a few months, those who trouble us will go away? Cheesed off brothers are dangerous and should be whacked? How about "how sharper than a serpent's tooth is an ungrateful child?" I stole that.

So if you are helping a king get undressed, walking your French poodle, styling your wig, or simply planning on disposing of a busy-body cleric, and you want to forward these missives off to someone (maybe the King of Spain, who knows?) please, keep my name and sig attached.

Where is that boy with my wig?
J. Ellsworth Weaver

SCA – Sir Balthazar of Endor
AS – Polyphemus Theognis
TRV – Sebastian Yeats