Dear Dr. Nucleus,

We went to see the last "Friday the Thirteenth" the other night and we were given 3D glasses. That brings to mind: how do 3D glasses work?

Politely,

A Fan of Freddy

Dear Fan,

The so-called "3D" glasses are a sham perpetrated upon the general public by unscrupulous companies like comic book publishers and the motion picture industry. Using green and red lenses does nothing but confuse the Scientific brain. I advise that you destroy any odd pairs of these lying about your laboratory.

True three dimensionality can be only obtained by using glass crucibles (pronounced: SHOT GLAZZES). Fill them with reagent grade ethanol. Stare fixedly through them. Are things appearing to become 3D? If not, the ethanol must be replaced. Pour the crucibles into your esophagus (it will serve as a mild cleanser and stimulate the optic nerve fibers). Refill the crucibles with fresh reagent grade ethanol. Repeat as often as necessary. These steps point out the basic technique of Scientific experiments: keep trying until you get the desired result.

If all of this experimentation tends to lead to vertigo, immediately lower the experimenter's body toward the ground. Grass growing on the ground produces oxygen. Getting closer to the source of oxygen can prove soothing to the Scientist overexcited by his or her discoveries.

Always glad to debunk unScientific thought,
Dr. Nucleus