Dear Doctor:

I was recently asked by my department to attend a seminar on AI. Could you tell me this, why should a computer systems analyst like myself learn about artificial insemination.

the Kingfish

Dear Mr. Fish,

Artificial insemination (AI) is the basis for all computing work. What could be more artificial (from the Latin:"arti"- pretty pictures and "ficial"-having to do with the face) than a computer? After all, computers are well known for drawing pretty pictures all over the face of their CRTs (Costly Round Things). Insemination means "to put things into". Putting things into your computer is exactly what Scientists are supposed to do. Don't be disturbed if your disk starts out floppy. With practice and confidence, hard disks can be maintained (sometimes as long as an hour). Beware of those who suggest adding RAM drives and byting. Most laboratory assistants will not put up with any more of such abuse (Doctor knows best, believe me). Surprisingly enough, "analyst" comes from the Greek. "Anal" (self-explanatory word) and "lyst"--to lean to one side. One can only wonder why anyone would take such a moniker. No wonder your department is asking you to leave! Take a cue from your computer, young Pisces Rex, paint pretty pictures and give them to your friends. Soon they will stop asking you to go away.

Lots of luck on your seminar,
Doctor Nucleus