Dear Dr. Nucleus:

Who put the bop in the bop-sha-bop-sha-bop?
Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong?
Who was this man? I ask because I'd like to shake his hand, thanking him for making my baby fall in love with me.

Thank you for your most wise counsel on this matter,
A client in Santa Ynez

TO:Client
XXX. Ranch
Santa Ynez, CA

Dear Sir or Madam,

We are pleased to accept your contract for this project and offer the following *preliminary* results:

The man who put the bop in the bop-sha-bop-sha-bop was one J.P. Richards of Dallas, TX. Better known as "The Big Bopper", Mr. Richards died in a plane crash with Buddy Holly. His skeleton is the property of his widow who does not seem interested in selling it.

The ram was inserted in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong by the Indian mystic Sri Rama,the Lama of Dhing Dhong. Sri Rama was tamping a block of ram (C-4 high explosive) into a prayer wheel of a neighboring ashram. During this friendly prank, some lower-caste buffoon spun the holy detonator prematurely. The holy prayers and the holy man ascended spontaneously. No bones are available here, either. Sorry.

The dip-shu-dip-shu-dip-shu-dip has been definitively traced to Mr. Paul McCartney, Esq. While he never claims to have inserted the dip in the aforementioned phrase, he does have a bill of sale that proves his ownership. We would advise not using this phrase in any of your music unless and until you can purchase *his* bones. Several of our more musically inclined staff offer to help out on this project.

Although it is entirely your business, the laboratory advises you to stay away from "your baby."

Helpfully,
Dr. Nucleus