Shopping Carts

Dear Doctor Nucleus:

Why is it that all the shopping carts at the front of the rows in the supermarket are jammed together, requiring Jaws of Life to separate one so a person can collect her groceries? How are the frail and feeble supposed to cope in a universe with such obstacles?

An Empty Cupboard mind

Dear Harried Shopper,

Why shopping carts stick together? They do so out of fear. Carts are living beings with a rather checkered past. Evolving from oxcarts up the evolutionary ladder to lawyer, these quiet servants have had to sell everything they owned (down to their chrome rib cages) and work nights in grocery stores carrying twinkies, spam, and dirty-faced urchins round and around the brightly lit aisles. All of this to afford the tuition and books which ensure that the carts can better themselves here in America. Most of the carts speak little English and are terrified of our brightly colored clothing and lilting accents. When you separate a clutch of carts, you may be tearing the children from their mother's arms, sweetheart from sweetheart, grandma from her grandkids. So, quit shopping at those sleazy supermarkets and do what Scientists do: call out for Chinese. I am sure you will feel better and so will the carts.

For a more Scientific world of food,
Dr. Nucleus