Dear Dr. Nucleus,

Some physicians say that death is just a symptom. What do you think?

Mete Rion

Dear Mr. Rion,

Physicians, those erstwhile "doctors," should tend to their pill-pushing and leave Science to the Scientists. Meddling in matters of life and death is the domain of those of us with Master's Degrees in Science and laboratories well equipped with Tesla coils.

Death is not a symptom as much as it is a state, much the same as Texas. Death is Nature telling us that where we are (such as stirring up fuming nitric acid with potassium cyanide in the open air of our laboratory) is not where we should be (like Waco,Texas). Death also warns our brains that our subcellular components would like a holiday, maybe drinking reagent grade ethanol and eating BBQ'd SPAM (Scientifically Produced Animal Matter).

The so-called "brain death" occurs when the brain is exposed to non-scientific reading matter such as religious tracts, newspapers, or copies of so-called men's magazines. These publications can turn a once brilliant Scientist into a zombie, fit only as a laboratory assistant or upper management in a large public utility.

This also reminds me of a conversation I overheard between two youngsters exiting a religious revival. One asked the other, "Do you believe in the Devil?" The other replied, "No. It's just like Santa Claus; it's your daddy!"

Aren't you glad that you asked? I certainly am!

For a more Scientific world,
Dr. Nucleus