Dear Doctor Nucleus,

I understand that water goes down the sink or toilet in a counterclockwise direction in the northern hemisphere and clockwise in the southern. What I want to know is which direction does the water flow in toilets at the equator?


A new fan,
Eric


Dear Eric,

Do not be ashamed of not knowing the answer to this question. Scientists from all over the world have wondered about this for years to no avail until just recently. Hang-on to your thinking cap 'cause here we go.

Toilet is a French term which has evolved from TOY (something to play with) and LET (which is the diminutive form); thus, "toilet" means "something little with which to play." Just shows you where those French have their minds. Alternatively, the Canadian French use the term "latrine" which comes from LA (the French word meaning "the") and TRINE (the French word for "trainee"); voila! Latrine means "the trainee." French schools must be very disturbing.

Sink, on the other hand, comes from the German ZINC, an element that is used for many worthwhile, workaday purposes. Zinc when mixed with sulfuric acid makes that wonder-working gas, hydrogen. Do not ever confuse the toilet for the sink, or vice versa, even when under the influence of laboratory grade ether.

The paucity of data on toilet water rotation at the equator is due to the almost nonexistence of flush toilets at 0 latitude. And a zero latitude it is! Pioneering attempts at indoor lavatory (Latin for "laboratory") plumbing were doomed to an explosive and watery failure. Finally, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration sent a space station (Tidy Bowl 1) to orbit around the equator. Precisely measuring laser devices were set to readout to the last decimal place the rotational velocity of the flush water. Laboratory water had been specially prepared and dyed blue (to prevent unsightly rings). At the exact moment as the station moved into the shadow of a total solar eclipse (to prevent the interference of solar flares) , the Scientists flushed the toilet. Swirling neither counterclockwise nor clockwise, the water rushed UPWARDS and soaked the Scientists. Proving that when all vectors of a vortex add to zero, strange things can occur. Some things are best left alone and toilet flushing on the equator is certainly one of them.

Flushed with pride in Science,
Doctor Nucleus