Dear Dr. Nucleus,

Scientists postulate the existence of gravitons as an attempt to provide a consistent explanation of the laws of Gravity (as explained by Einstein's Laplacian world of General Relativity) using the discontinuous Laws of Quantum Mechanics. My question is this: What is the nature of the Graviton, and what implications does its existence have for Humanity?

Flangehead

Dear Flangehead,

Graviton is a German word for "Gravy Train", a rather marvelous, Scientifically derived, pet food and survival ration. As you may have read in the Journal of Experimental Medicine, Graviton makes its own gravy. How does it do this, you might ask. Microelectronics and subatomic physics is the answer. With the addition of aqua regia, miniature electric mixers are activated. A tiny fuel cell powers a signal which causes the gluons holding the nuclei of the food chucks to release themselves into the mix. Salt, sugar, fat, and caffeine (the Four Food Groups) are added by submicroscopic squirt bottles to completely balance the diet. Meat-like flavor is provided by dead and dying insects.

This will explain gravity (German for "to suck") if you have ever watched a 4 week fasting lab animal approach the offer of graviton. Graviton has also been used by underpaid graduate students to supplement their meals when their stipends no longer afford them the nourishment of SPAM (Scientifically Produced Animal Matter). Actually, lab animals eat far less than graduate students and usually smell much better.

Einstein won his first Nobel Prize (unfairly denied to Dr. Nucleus, at this writing) for his explanation of the "photoelectric effect". All he was really observing was the electronic activity in graviton when water was added.

Aren't you glad you asked?
Dr. Nucleus