Dear Dr. Nucleus,

As I was driving my car down the access road today, I heard a story on the radio about Insect Researchers hoping to eradicate some Mediterranean and Mexican flies. The questions that came to mind are: What kind of insects pursue research as a vocation, where are their labs, and where do they get such small lab coats? Perhaps we scientists could arrange an exchange program with these researchers.

Particularly interested as I remain,

A larval Scientist


Dear Larval Scientist,

Good work on your investigative questions. Someone needs to ask them even though they know that the government will squelch any true Scientific exploration of the subject. None-the-less, I am pleased to scratch your Scientific itch for knowledge.

Ever since the early days of Science, insects have taken a leading role. Brave Chinese Cabbage Whites, during the reign of Ghenghis Khaccoon, developed the Silkworm Missile on schedule and under budget. The renowned Dr. Jim N. E. Cricket discovered a way to mutate wooden meristem into human organs during the "Pinocchio Project" which saved so many servicemen during WW II. Dr. Bailey Beetle's laboratory consequently helped grub further into the capricious world of Army Antics. Dr. William "Bugs" Bunny invented the Mosquito Bomber that stung the Axis Powers, destroying all antennae on feeler missions across Germany.

Dr. Hal Roach invented the motion picture short-subject, often starring Butterfly McQueen, which has been used for the Science education of millions of moviegoers. The Vietnamese mathematician Dr. Pra Ing developed the mantissa which today bears his name. Even Ben Franklin was known to have a lightning bug.

Overlooked, underpaid, these six-legged savants have kept Science out of the web-work of ignorance. Exchange programs are improbable since most human Scientists cannot understand the insects' high squeaky voices and insist on stomping upon any "lesser competition."

Remember what we Scientists say, "Mothra knows best!"

Hand me the Raid,
Dr. Nucleus