Dear Dr. Nucleus,

Why is it that the poisonous, ugly plant, the state flower of Oklahoma, is called "mistletoe?" It resembles toes not at all, and is usually used to induce surprise kissing in December. Is there any correlation at all?

Confused at Yule


Dear Confused,

Of course you are confused. The term "mistletoe" is a clever pun on what it really is. Just as "butterfly" comes from the actual term "flutterby," "mistletoe" comes from "Tow Missile." The Tow Missile is a wire-guided, Scientifically invented, weapons package that was invented at Ft. Sill, Oklahoma. It kills tanks. Thus, when a tank crew saw a Tow Missile coming, they would bend over and kiss their "most precious possession" goodbye. The impact of the explosions would knock down those green, parasitic plants that infest oak trees around Lawton, OK. Now whenever you see the plant, you should be aware that around the next hill hides a swift and explosive death. In whatever microseconds you have remaining, it might be nice to kiss something or someone goodbye. On the other hand, you might expand a binomial to the tenth power like I am fond of doing. Though what any of this has to do with Yule, a prestigious eastern college, is beyond me.

Thank you for asking,
Dr. Nucleus