Troll Report Form

This form is a humorous satire, presented for your amusement. Hint! Do not actually use this form on any forum, somone is going to be offended. I wrote this form in late July 2001, but have not wanted to post it... until now!


Minolta Forum Troll Form. Please check all that apply.

Dear Troll Candidate,

Thank you for your troll. Your troll has been evaluated by
our panel of experts. Here are the results of our tests.

We found that your troll was...
[ ] Incomprehensible
[ ] Offensive
[ ] Just plain stupid
[ ] Without merit
[ ] Grammatically incorrect
[ ] Laced with spelling and punctuation errors
[ ] Laden with circular reasoning
[ ] Laced with misunderstandings of basic scientific principles
[ ] Somewhat too revealing of your minimal mental abilities
[ ] Too similar to other trolls submitted by candidates in the past.

You could improve your troll considerably by...
[ ] Including a few actual facts.
[ ] Taking remedial English lessons
[ ] Mentioning the E-10 more.
[ ] Mentioning Memory Sticks more.
[ ] Mentioning that you are a professional.
[ ] Stating more falsehoods as facts than you already have.
[ ] Swearing more.
[ ] Including more colorful personal insults.
[ ] Using the phrases "you people" or "those people" more.
[ ] Modifying your insults to cover larger groups of people at once.
[ ] Ranting incoherently.
[ ] Using religious or racial slurs.
[ ] Using the words "junk", "crap", "garbage", "toy", "flimsy" and "Professional" more frequently.
[ ] Using childish taunts.
[ ] Including fake laughter such as "ha ha ha" or "har de har de har".
[ ] Focusing on just one outrageous topic will give your troll more punch.
[ ] Ignoring any facts, and using more absolutes in your troll.
[ ] Using all capital letters.
[ ] Focusing more on those areas in which "your" camera is better than "their" camera.
[ ] Exaggerate more, you need not be limited by facts. Examples: Say that you only used the camera for 10 seconds. Say that it was garbage. Say that the viewfinder was invisible. Say that the grip was unholdable. Say that the shutter was unpressable. Say that the colors were all wrong. Say that you could tell it was garbage by just looking at it. Say that the controls are all in the wrong places. Say that the camera color is wrong. Say that it is too heavy or light or too much or too little plastic or say that it was made by Sanyo or even elves; it dosen't matter what you say. Just say anything that pops into your head, you can do it. Think stream of consciousness.

Please get a...
[ ] life
[ ] grip
[ ] job
[ ] clue
[ ] book on basic photography
[ ] note from your mom
[ ] real camera
[ ] basic camera
[ ] film camera

You should...
[ ] Have someone who can read review your postings.
[ ] Save your postings out and think later if you really want to send them.
[ ] Take your meds.
[ ] Not have "one for the road" next time.
[ ] Stay in school.
[ ] Go and buy whatever camera you want, we don't care.
[ ] Think about other people's feelings before you post.
[ ] Get your ego boost some other way.
[ ] Realize that by trolling a group you hurt everyone, not just the people you are mad at.
[ ] Go away so we can talk about cameras.
[ ] Put up a web site with your great photos on it to show the world.
[ ] Take down your web site, your photos are horrible.

Suggested other activities besides trolling.
[ ] Posting something constructive.
[ ] Taking actual pictures with your camera.
[ ] Helping someone else.
[ ] Spending some time with your family instead of your camera.
[ ] Working off that big pot belly.
[ ] Get your ego boost instead by helping out at a local hospital.
[ ] Consider another hobby that does not require contact with other humans such as wood burning, breeding flowers, painting or mortuary science.

Thanks for your submission.

You have [ ] passed [ ] passed with honors [ ] failed.