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Rumblings from the Goondocks
 Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Crisp Air
Been in a really weird mood as of lately. Some of it i blame on the time of year... the closer i get to the holiday's ... the more indifferent i get.
The thing is as of lately i've been doing my usual way to much thinking... which i tend to do in bunches this time of year. Fall it seems changes me into dwelling on many things some of which i just don't understand.
I have my birthday coming up in January and that annoys me. I got to thinking that i'm only going to be 2 years away from turning 30. That spooks me out to no extent. Especially this time of year I can almost taste playing football in highschool or walking to my grandma's from grade school.
I think that is a part that is also weighing on me, is the fact that really i only have my mom and dad left in my family, and as i get older this really makes you think that to some extent you are on an island. I tend to throw myself into a helpless pit of work to drown out these thoughts. It's just one of those things things that i don't understand well.
It's funny like that, i can work anyone under the ground.. but when it comes to emotional issues i call a pass... i'm almost to the point of just disregarding everything emotional. I think that leads me to my confusion.. i can't make any decisions related anything to my personal life. I'm always afraid of choosing something and then regreting it in the long run. So i choose the safest route of not choosing. This can reflect in many ways on many individuals...
It's funny that after 27 years on this little blue planet... it seems that i still don't understand myself... but that is all in learning.
posted by Brad Chaney # 11:46 PM
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