Humor Page

A Little Visual Humor-Click on a thumbnail to see the full image, then use your browser's back button to return to this page

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Loading a Bike

I received this file as an email attachment, but it was a little too large to resend to anyone. I converted it to a Windows media file to stream. Is this a proper way to load a motorcyle?

PMS Parking

I know from time to time, that  women seem to suffer from PMS. Why not put that pent up energy to use to park your car? Another man made mechanical device to cause you grief. Click the picture to start the stream.

How About a Button with an Attitude?

Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the beach and

picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the

bottle and with a smile said "Master, may I grant

you one wish?"



"Hey, bitch. Don't you know who I am? I don't need no

woman givin' me nuthin'" barked Bin Laden.



The genie pleaded "But master, I must grant you a wish

or I will be returned to this bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment. Then, grumbling about the

inconvenience of it all, he said "okay, okay, I wanna wake

up with three white women in my bed in the morning,

so just do it!"



Giving the genie an evil glare, he screamed "Now leave

me alone bitch!"



The annoyed genie said "So be it!" and disappeared back

into the bottle.



The next morning, Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena

Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis was

gone, his leg was broken, and he had no health insurance.

Damn Woman Drivers

Driving to the office

this morning on the Interstate,



I looked over to my

left and there was a



woman



in a brand new



Cadillac



doing 65 mph



with her

face up next to her



rear view mirror



putting on her eyeliner.





I looked away



for a couple seconds



and when I looked back she was





halfway over in my lane,



still working on that makeup.





As a man,



I don't scare easily.



But she scared me so much;



I dropped

my electric shaver,



which knocked



the donut



out of my other hand.



In all

the confusion of trying



to straighten out the car



using my knees against

the steering wheel,



it knocked



my cell phone



away from my ear



which fell





into the coffee



between my legs,



splashed,



and burned



Big Jim and the Twins,



ruined the damn phone,



soaked my trousers,



and disconnected an

important call.





Damn women drivers ! !
 

Just for Grins  

• If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
• If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?
• Why do we say something is out of whack? What's in whack?
• Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
• If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
• Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
• When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
• Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
• Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
• When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
• Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person that drives a race car not called a racist?
• Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
• Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
• If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
• Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
• "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
• Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
• Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
• If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
• Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
• What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?
• I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me, they're cramming for their final exam.
• I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
• Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?
• How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
• If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
• No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
• Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
• If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
• If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Things My Mother Taught Me

• My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why."
• My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
• My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
• My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
• My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
• My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."
• My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
• My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
• My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
• My mother taught me about WEATHER- "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
• My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
• My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"
• My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
• My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!"
• My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"