Instructor: This week I've decided to combine classes to save a little time and so I can hand out this week's Most Improved Attitude awards -- as voted on by your peers. J. Gordon: Mr... What are we calling you today? Instructor: Mr. Instructor will do fine. J. Gordon: Mr. Instructor, I'd like to change seats. Instructor: Why? J. Gordon: Busch keeps kicking the back of my chair. Kurt: I did not! R. Gordon: I saw you do it. Instructor: Kurt, quit kicking the back of Jeff's chair. Kurt: Fine. But I didn't do anything wrong. Harvick: Of course not, Rubberhead. You're on probation for being generally annoying, not because you did anything wrong. Instructor: Gentlemen, I mean it. Play nice or else. Now. I want to hand out the Most Improved Attitude awards for this weekend. First, is Elliot Sadler for his show of restraint -- no helmet throwing or ambulance abuse. Congratulations, Elliot. All: smattering of applause. E. Sadler: Thank you, Sir. I remained calm, did the deep breathing... and reminded myself it was just one of those racin' deals. Kurt: They're all racin' deals. Jimmy Spencer: (puts hands over mouth and mumbles something) Instructor: That was pretty good, Jimmy. Next time, try not mumbling at all. Jimmy: Yes, Sir. Instructor: Now, second runner up was Ward Burton for not throwing his booties,running up onto the track, or wishing to shoot at someone. All: (smattering of applause) W. Burton: Thank you, everybody. I accept this award on behalf of my team, my family, and my sponsor. M. Waltrip: Hey, Ward... you want to race one of your Caterpillars against one of the lawn mowers from Aaron's? Tony Stewart: Where is Wallace, Petty, and everybody else? Instructor: Sponsor events. They applied for time off. Tony: How do I do that? Instructor: Contact my office tomorrow... but it must be a legitimate excuse. M. Waltrip: Trust me, Smoke. They told me that taking Macy to school wasn't a good enough excuse. Make it a good one! J. Gordon: I swear, Busch, if you kick the back of my seat one more time... Kurt: What did I do now? Dale Jr.: It's true, Mr. Instructor, I saw him do it this time, too. R. Gordon: Me, too. And, being on probation, you'd think you'd behave yourself, Busch. J. Gordon: I am having a bad week, boy, and you are pushing my buttons... Kurt: Aww... well, too bad. I'm sorry some chick you dumped is airing out your dirty laundry. J. Gordon: You arrogant little... Kurt: What are you going to do, punch me? Come on... manage that anger! J. Gordon: He kicked my chair again! Instructor: Boys... that's enough. Kurt, go stand in the corner. Kurt: What? R. Gordon: It's that little angle over there in the wall. Harvick: Robby, hush, before you get sent to the big red trailer. It's no fun in there, remember? R. Gordon: Thanks for getting my back, Happy. Harvick: Just remember that, okay? Kurt: I'm not going over there. Instructor: One, two... Kurt: What am I, three years old? Instructor: Three... Dale Jr.: On behalf of the class, Olive Oyl, you do not want us to answer that question. Kurt: Did you hear that, Mr. Instructor? Instructor: If I get to five, it will cost you $5,000. Kurt: (stands in the corner) Instructor: Good compliance, Kurt. R. Gordon: How's the view from Time Out? M. Waltrip: It's probably not very fun over there. Kurt, if you learn to play nice, you can have fun every day and get all your dream appliances at Aaron's. Tony Stewart: Are we going to get on with class, or am I wasting my time again? Dale Jr.: Dude, chill. If we all sit here, act all nice and smile, we can all go back to bed. Tony: Jr. it's 10 a.m. Dale Jr.: Exactly. Biffle: I did my homework. Harvick: Hey, Biffle, shut up. I only have an hour before I'm on the Hot Seat on Inside Winston Cup. M. Waltrip: You are? I thought Jimmy was coming. Jimmy: My lawyers won't let me. Harvick: See? M. Waltrip: I still don't know. I thought it was Bootie Barker today. Harvick: Oh. Maybe I should check my schedule. M. Waltrip: Well, come on over, Happy. You can watch me spin around in my chair. Marlin: Can I say something? Instructor: Yes, Sterling. What's on your mind? Marlin: I think Jimmy should have hit Kurt harder. Instructor: So you said. Kurt: (voice muffled by wall) Hey! Instructor: I said, no talking in Time Out. That's five more minutes. Kurt: But... Instructor: Ten. Kurt: But... R. Gordon: Somebody call the WAAAMBULANCE! Instructor: Robby, that could be considered taunting. R. Gordon: Really? All these years and I thought I was just being funny. Dale Jr.: Can we define 'taunting' please? I don't want to get into no trouble chasing my championship and all. Jimmy: Taunting is when someone says, "Come on you old has been... do something about it!" A mistake is when you do something about it involving fists. M. Waltrip: Tell me about it. Instructor: It's good that you see this, Jimmy. Dale Jr.: Please define taunting. Instructor: I don't think we're going to do that today, Jr. Today we are going to talk about respect. Biffle: R-E-S-P-E-C-T? Harvick: Find out what it means to me... Tony Stewart: It means you give a little and little punks don't take a lot. Instructor: Yes, that's true... Dale Jr.: It means knowing why you should have awe and respect at certain tracks... W. Burton: and why you don't throw booties... E. Sadler: or helmets! Jimmy: or fists... M. Waltrip: and always use NAPA parts! Dale Jr: Dude, not in here. Didn't you read the sign that said, "check your sponsor at the door." ? M. Waltrip: Sorry. It just comes out sometimes. Sorry, everybody. Make sure and watch me on IWC tonight, though. E. Sadler: No problem, Mikey. I'll check it out after I eat a couple of bologna burgers for dinner tonight. Instructor: Ahem... respect is... Biffle: acknowledging that some of the more experienced drivers actually know what they're talking about. Jimmy: Amen! W. Burton: Thank you, Greg. R. Gordon: Kiss up! Instructor: Respect, Robby, or you can go join Kurt in the corner. R. Gordon: How long has he been in there anyway? J. Gordon: Not long enough. Instructor: Shh... I forgot to set the timer. Kurt: I heard that! Instructor: Respect is.... Harvick: Respect is learning to keep your mouth shut. Dale Jr.: Respect is knowing you are entitled to your feelings but... Jimmy: but you can't always express them to others...at least not with fists. Harvick: Or on the radio where everyone else, including NASCAR is listening Moron... Jimmy: Are you calling me a moron? Harvick: (lowers voice) NO. The moron was implied to Rubberhead. Jimmy: Ok... Instructor: Respect is... M. Waltrip: Drama on TNT? Dale Jr.: I forgot the restrictor plate, so you're gonna have to keep your mouth shut. M. Waltrip: Ok. I'll try. E. Sadler: Drama is burning the bologna burgers... W. Burton: Drama is throwing your booties at Dale Jr. Dale Jr.: Drama is having to sit in this class when I could be sleeping. Biffle: Drama is... Instructor: Drama is trying to teach you klunk heads anger management!! J. Gordon: Did you just yell at us? Tony Stewart: In anger management class? Harvick: I don't know about you guys, but I think Mr. Helton-Instructor needs to join Rubberhead in the corner. W. Burton: I second that. Dale Jr.: Sorry, dude, but you have to lead by example. Instructor: Fine. I'm sorry, gentlemen. Move over Kurt. Kurt: There's not enough room. Instructor: Shut up, or I'll make you stand here during the Darlington race. Kurt: You wouldn't dare! Instructor: I don't hit with fists. I hit with fines, probation and points deductions. Tony Stewart: (whispers) Let's go guys, while the gettin's good! W. Burton: Robby, this means you have to be extra quiet and tip toe out. Do you understand? R. Gordon: No disrespect, but could someone tell me what he just said? Dale Jr.: He said, shut up and let's sneak out. R. Gordon: Oh. Can we do that? Tony Stewart: Yeah. Elliot's cooking bologna burgers at his place. We're all invited. Biffle: That would be great. I'm hungry. Harvick: You're always hungry. J. Gordon: Are we sneaking out of here or what? Dale Jr: Yes... let's go now before the Instructor forgets he forgot to set his timer... and no one knows how long the Instructor and Busch stood in the corner that day...