Damsels In Sheep's Clothing
“Thou wilt admit to it? Were thee the defiler?”
“Aye, Sir Sir, but I did not know it was thy goat.”
“That matters not! The deed hath been done. Therefore, turn and draw,” exclaimed Sir Sir Knightington, “May death come swiftly to he who doth violate my livestock!” Withal, Sir Sir ran his foil through the jack and the duel ceased to be.
Thus begins the tale of Sir Sir, a knight of apt nomenclature, who was blessed with the duty of guarding the livestock of Baron Redland.
It was a morrow of rain, which was oft the state in the land. A knight approached Master Knightington, and called to him, “Sir Sir! Thy damsels art sheep and thy stench doth insult all who seek thee! How canst thou be considered a knight?!” As he said this, he didst bite his thumb.
“Dost thou quarrel, sir?” Master Knightington asked.
“Aye, Sir Sir! I am for you,” shouted the villain as he charged. He was quickly impaled upon the hero's rapier, and fell from his steed. The fallen spoke his last words, “Marry! The battle hath been too quick - too like the lightning which doth cease to be ere one can say it lightens! O! I am slain!”
Sir Sir said a customary prayer for his fallen foe, and then returned to watching over the animals. There was then a great commotion as the goats and chickens swiftly devoured the villain. Master Knightington did not so much as grimace, as ne'r a day went by without such an occurrence. He took out a piece of manchet and began to consume it, washing it down with perry.
“Sir Sir! Help!” a woman cried from somewhere behind the knight. He didst not look up.
“Pray pardon me,” the wench shouted, “Thou must hear me! I am in need of thee! I be a damsel...in a dress!” Sir Sir turned to see a woman in the clutches of a foul beast - a dragon.
“I shall choose my battles! It is my duty to guard yon beasts, and that is all.”
Withal, the dragon didst ravage many of Sir Sir's animals. Sir Sir was enraged by this, and shouted to the dragon, “Thou art a boil! A whoreson culliony barbermonger! Prithee come hither so that I may destroy thee! I am for you!”
The dragon didst advance, with the damsel still in hand. Sir Sir stayed, then exclaimed, “My beasts! Now is the time!” And withal, the animals didst congealeth to form a massive creature - one that matched the dragon in size. An epic battle, it was, but it was over quickly. Master Knightington's behemoth was the victor, having devoured the dragon completely. The damsel didst perish indeed, but the noble night had performed his duty well.
Sir Sir's courage hath stood the test,
As the baron's livestock did not cease to be.
He was a great knight, as thou can attest,
So spread his tale, upon the queen's decree!