Hannah and George
“Hannah! George! Get down here!”
“Coming, mom!” the duo replied, nearly in unison.
“Please hurry kids, your grandmother's waiting outside,” the mother said as the children descended the stairs, “She was nice enough to offer to take you out to lunch, don't make her wait any longer!”
The kids could see the shimmer of the car's golden grill from the front doorway, and they smiled as they put their coats on. The grill made the car unmistakable, and in the children's minds, it signaled a trip to McDonald's. This monthly trip was the kids' only chance to experience the many delicacies of the restaurant, as their mother was a bit of a health nut; the trip with her mother was permitted because the importance of spending time with Grandma overshadowed any health concerns.
“Goodbye, my little dumplings! I'll meet you at Grandma's house around nine!” the mother said as the kids climbed into their chariot. Hannah and George both climbed into the front seat for the usual kissing and stretching of cheeks. They each got hit in the face by Grandma's gold cross as she kissed their foreheads, and feigned interest in her questions - they had other things on their minds. As Grandma drove down the street, towards their destination, Hannah and George saw them - The Golden Arches. Grandma looked on with a wicked grin as their faces lit up; she knew that her plan would soon come to fruition. She pulled into a parking spot and let the kids out. Hannah and George made their way into the establishment with Grandma close behind.
“Yes, children, get anything you want,” said Grandma, diabolically. Hannah and George were too enthralled by the menu presented in front of them to notice her tone. The duo ordered from the pimple-faced kid with the golden nametag and retrieved their orders as they were ready.
“Don't choose a table too far away, kids - we don't want to waste any of that precious energy. You'll be ordering a lot more than just that, after all.”
“What do you mean, Gramma?” Hannah asked.
“Oh, nothing, Hannah - you're fat enough. I was mostly talking to George. We need to fatten him up!” Grandma replied.
“What are you talking about, Grammy?” George inquired nervously.
“George...you didn't think I was taking you two out all those times just to be nice, did you? I need you two to be nice and plump so that I can sue the McDonalds Corporation for causing your obesity!” Grandma said, quietly enough so that nobody else would hear. With this, Hannah and George looked at each other distraughtly.
“But what if I don't want to eat anymore, Grammy?” George asked.
“Oh...now George, you love your Grammy, don't you? I just need you to eat a little bit of food. It'll make me very happy.” Grandma said with a smile. She had used a grandmother's deadliest weapon - guilt. George conceded, but Hannah had a bad feeling about the whole thing. She knew that Grandma was stepping outside of the realm of power that came with her title, but she didn't know what she could do about it.
“I'll have nine number sevens and four number threes,” Grandma told the acne-infested automaton.
“Would you like to super-size those?” the teenager asked.
“Yes! All of them! Super-size them all! Super-size them all! All of them super-sized!” she replied, growing more maniacal with each syllable uttered.
“And is that for here or to go?” the employee asked, unfazed.
“For here! They're eating it all here! They're not having anything 'to go' until I get my money!”
“Right,” the boy answered, “here's your change.”
Grandma brought the feast back to George and sat down to watch him devour it. Then she asked, in her normal grandmotherful tone, “Hannah, would you be a doll and go make sure there aren't any police officers around?”
“Yes, Gramma.”
“Thank you, dear. George! Why have you stopped? You're not nearly fat enough yet!” she stated, as she examined George's fingers, “You've so much more to eat! You wouldn't let that expensive food your Grammy bought for you go to waste, would you?”
“No, Grammy,” replied George as he tried to fit another hamburger into his mouth.
When Hannah returned from her mission, she stated, “Gramma, I'm gonna go order some more food for George.”
“Good idea, darling! Here's some money!”
Of course, Hannah's intent was not actually to purchase food, and so she took a place mat and wrote a note on it. The note read:
PLEASE HELP!!!
MY GRAMMA IS FORCING MY BROTHER
TO EAT UNTIL HE'S FAT AND
SHE'S GOING TO SUE THIS PLACE!!!
She handed the plea to the pimple-faced boy, who replied, “Uhh...I'd better get my manager...Paula! There's a little girl with a note! I think she's trying to rob us!” This got Grandma's attention, and she got up and approached the counter. The manager read the note and understood what was happening.
The manager spoke to Grandma, “Hello, Ma'am. Your little girl here just gave us a note. She was asking if there was any way we could increase the fat content in our food to better suit the needs of that dreadfully skinny boy over there. She also wanted to know if we could let you behind the counter to help in the adding of the fat and grease.”
“That would be wonderful! What a great idea, Hannah! I knew you were more than just the fat one!” Grandma exclaimed. The manager led Grandma behind the counter and showed her how the employees were constructing hamburgers and deep-frying everything until it could be fried no more. Seeing that Grandma was distracted, Hannah nodded to the manager. The manager extended her leg behind Grandma, and Hannah got a running start. Hannah struck Grandma with great force, causing her to let out a screech, and sending her toppling over the manager's leg and into the deep-fryer. Her scream was muffled by the grease and French fry concoction as she entered the vat and it was not long before all of her body movement had ceased. Her gold cross could still be seen, shining through the murky grease.
The other patrons in the restaurant looked on in disbelief as Hannah and the manager celebrated and George cheered. Just then, the children's mother busted in the front door and exclaimed, “Hannah! George! I'm so glad I found you! I got so worried when you weren't at Grandma's house!”
She hugged Hannah as her daughter approached, and then went over to see George. “Wow, George, you're quite the eater! If only you'd ravage your broccoli like that!”
The mother's excitement died down a bit. She pulled the kids closer and said, “Kids, I have something important to tell you.”
Hannah interjected, “But mom! Guess what happened to Gr-"
“Not now, Hannah, this is important!” the mother replied scornfully. “Kids, your father is dead. Now, I'm not going to tell you why or how he died, but I'll assume that you'll be content with that because he was an evil man who made me into the health nut that I've become.”
“Ok, mom, but there's something we really have to tell you!” Hannah stated.
“What is it, dear?”
“I wrote a note and made friends with the manager and pushed Gramma into scalding grease because she tried to make George fatter and she was going to sue McDonald's and now she's dead!” Hannah explained.
“Hannah! That's awful! But I'd say we're even. I won't turn you in if you don't turn me in.”
“Ok, mom - deal!” Hannah agreed. They both giggled and helped George to his feet. The three of them made their way out the door, passing under the golden arches as they walked to the car.
The family ended up suing that McDonald's for having unsafe deep-fryers, and they received so much compensation from the settlement that they would never have to work again. They lived happily ever after, because, as it turns out, money can buy happiness.