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Assistance

By Kati Frazier

Years, I'd been working

the old 9 to 5,

and somehow I'd lost

what kept me alive.

And I asked my friend

"How does the law abide

on punishing those

assiting suicide?"

He looked at me strange,

said, "I'm not quite sure.

Probably some time.

Prison years or more."

I asked, "Could you help

me release my fears?

...If you don't mind

prison for a few years."

He sighed, "We've been friends

10 years or more.

So I want to know,

are you really sure?"

I looked him in the eye,

"Very sure." I said.

He just sighed

and shook his head.

"I'd die for you, but

I don't know about this.

I'll sleep on it, my dear.

You are someone I'd miss."

So I walked home,

heart weighed heavily

through pain. I cried,

eyes blurred, I couldnt see.

That next morning

he was at my door.

He took it from his pocket.

Dropped it to the floor.

"It's a gun," he said.

"I'll do what you say.

May God forgive me

for years I will pray."

I bade him, "Sit down

give your legs a rest.

I can wait longer,

a few hours at best."

He picked up the weapon,

sat it on the table.

"I picked out this one.

It should be less painful."

"I don't want to stain

the sofa." I said.

We went to the kitchen.

My hairs stood on end.

"Where do you think

it will hurt less?

In your head

or in your chest?"

"Surprise me." I said,

keeping my humor.

He asked me again

"My friend, are you sure?"

I swallowed hard,

catching my breath.

"Yes, I cannot live.

Not without this death."

I watched the gun

level with my head.

I closed my eyes,

awaiting the dead.

The gun, it fires.

To the ground I fall.

I open my eyes;

There's a hole in the wall.

I yell and I scream

"I wanted to die!

You made a promise!

Why would you lie?"

He sighed and said,

"you take the gun.

Do your own dirty work.

Just this last one."

Down my face, tears streamed.

My pain burned red.

I took the gun, and

confusion filled my head.

He became agressive,

"Would you prefer a kinfe?!

You know that more pain

will surely end strife!"

I took the weapon,

pointed at my chest.

Suddenly fearing

my long wanted rest.

I close my eyes,

turn away my head.

The gun clicks, I fall,

presumably dead.

I open my eyes:

No heavenly gates.

I look to the gun

the barrel was blank.

I cry in regret

for fear of myself.

I look for comfort,

put gun on the shelf.

Wrapped in his warm arms,

I ask him, "Why?

You made a promise,

why would you lie?"

He lets me drown him

in sugary tears.

I feel his friendship

dissolve all my fears.

When I am near calm,

he sits me down.

He asks, "Did you see,

the sun rise at dawn?"

I look at him strange,

and ask, "What the hell?

I am at life's end,

and you care if day fell?"

He rolled his eyes

"You don't understand.

What do you live for?

What gets you out of bed?"

"How dumb can you be!?

There is nothing left!

where have you been?

God, man! Are you daft?"

He said, "I think not.

There must be something

for death is what

true despair brings."

"Why didn't I find

you in your room dead?

Skin cold and stiff

lying on that bed?"

"You had the means,

you surely had a way.

So what is it that

makes you want to stay?"

I search my soul. Afraid

I'm the only one.

"What I most fear

is dying alone."

"I wanted you here.

You are someone I trust.

I want comfort

when my old bones rust."

"But they arent old"

he said, "Look around.

The things you want most

wait to be found."

"It's strange," I said

"How they never seem

to be here for me.

In vain I dream."

"Then why, my friend

didn't I find you dead?

Even you have something."

he sighed and said.

"The world holds nothing!

It gives not to me!"

I became quiet.

"Why can't you see?"

His voice became truth.

"You say life gives nothing,

but friendship is life.

and I've gifts to bring."

"I have little money

but heart I have much.

I hope you'll suffice

with just a kind touch."

"A shoulder to cry on.

I will understand.

and when you need help,

I'll hold your hand."

This sustains most,

though most have more.

All that you need is

to open heart's door."

"What I give is hope,

and it has no fee.

It is my simple

friendship's duty."

"If life gives not

I will supply

until the day that

you naturally die."

I ask, "But what if you

die before I do?"

He replies, "I will

always be with you."

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