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D/s I have had many ask me how I can feel I am a submissive and live the life I do. To explain that, one must understand that to be a submissive does not mean you cannot have a successful, independent life outside of your Dominate. In other words, as we have heard many times, being a submissive does not mean being a doormat to a Dominate's requests, orders, or demands. It must be remembered in a true Dominate/submissive relationship that it is still a partnership. The difference in a D/s relationship and a vanilla relationship is that in a D/s relationship, the submissive has voluntarily given up any power that she may have in the relationship and has given that power to the Dominate. This gift has been given out of love, respect and from a deep trust. A submissive does this knowing that the Dominate will take care of the "relationship" as a whole. That each choice made is for the two of them, and not one over the other.
I, as a submissive, want to feel my Dominate's love. Not just with my heart, but with my soul. I wish to feel I am the light of His life. I want Him to feel my love and devotion. I want to know my Dominate has a life outside of me. A life that allows Him to feel fulfilled and happy. I want Him to have respect for my work. For Him to know that I have a life outside of Him, but that I want His help and direction, is a form of my submission.
I know that I can take care of myself without a Dominate in my life, so that means that when I find a Dominate and submit to His judgement I have truly submitted in spirit. What greater gift can I give Him? It means that I know that this person will come to me and talk to me about anything that must be decided upon in the relationship. That my thoughts and feelings will be respected, but He will have the final word on what is done. I, as the submissive must respect His decision and support it. If it is something I disagree with I must not sabotage it. He, as the Dominate, must not be afraid to come to me and explain His reasons for doing as He did.
A Dominate has accepted a great deal of responsibility in a D/s relationship. It is His responsibility to see to the emotional, physical, and spiritual well being of the submissive. It is upon His shoulders that this responsibility rests.
A word of caution here for a submissive. YOUR DOMINATE WILL NOT BE PERFECT! (nor will you be!) Do not make the mistake of expecting Him to be perfect. A Dominate is also human, just as you are. Mistakes will be made on both parts - as a submissive it is not your place to berate your Dominate for their mistakes. Love and respect your Dominate as you wish to be when you make a mistake. And always listen to Him, He has only your best interest at heart.
Dominates - when you find you have made an error, go to your submissive and acknowledge the error. Talk with your submissive about how something similar can be avoided in the future from this conversation. Respect will only grow from this type of action. I know that when I must be Domme/Mom with my children, their respect for me grows when I admit I was wrong and ask for their help. Why would I expect it to be any different with a Dominate and submissive?
A submissive also carries responsibility. A submissive is not to sabotage the Dominate in any way or try to convince Him He is wrong. She must remember that power was given voluntarily to the Dominate to have the final say. When she did this it must be remembered that the level of trust when she submitted to Him was such that she knew He would always make choices for the betterment of the "relationship" and not just His wants and desires. For myself - I must have such a level of control in my public life that it is refreshing to know that I do not have to take care of the many responsibilities in a relationship. This is not to say I have no responsibility. My responsibilities are to make the life of my Dominate as stress free as possible.
It is my responsibility to find out what these things are. Is it making sure that I serve Him His favorite drink when He comes home? Is it wearing specific clothing for Him? Is it having the mail opened and organized for Him? It is my responsibility to discover these things by being alert and willing to listen to Him. To speak honestly with Him. Most of all to SUPPORT Him.
Many when entering a D/s relationship have the idea that it is just a sex thing. IT IS NOT!!!!! It is a chosen lifestyle that is mental, emotional, and physical. IT IS TRUST.
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