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First Times I suppose this story starts quite a while ago, Ganymede offered to give me my first ever r/l experience in BDSM and the more I thought about, the more appealing the idea got. I've been on IRC for a few months now, doing lots of talking and listening but no one could ever answer the sixty-four thousand dollar question....was this really for me? Only by trying would I ever find out for sure and I *really* wanted to know, I *needed* to know. I felt like I wouldn't ever be able to find peace with myself until I knew one way or the other. So I agreed to go for it; all my friends reassured me that it was a good idea and that this was a safe way to find out. I would be surrounded by lots of 'protectors' if I needed them, which made me feel safe even though I didn't think I *would* need them, one thing I already know is that this is all based on trust, and I trusted Ganymede.
Next came the waiting....and the waiting....and the waiting! It seemed so unreal, like it was just something we talked about and wasn't *actually* going to happen. People would ask me how I felt about it and I didn't know how to answer them, I had nothing in my past to help me guess what it might be like, I'd never been spanked before, even as a child. I knew the thought of it attracted me, but that was in my dreams and fantasies and how often do they ever really compare with reality? So there was always this niggle of a doubt, would I like the *reality*?
During this time Ganymede and I did a lot of talking, discussing what would happen. Even then I didn't form any real ideas about what was going to happen, it was just a black hole in my mind with only the vaguest notion of what was going to fill it. I found I had no real expectations of the physical aspects, I was happy to leave that as a fuzzy mist in my mind; it was always the emotions that I was looking forward to. It was like there was a 'something' in my head that I'd felt a little of before but hadn't been able to really let myself go to, I wanted to feel that again and this time follow it as far as I could.
I found myself focussing on all sorts of things during this time, it was like they were talismans. The main one was my outfit for the club; not having anything to wear meant I had to find a complete set, it became quite the topic in channel for a while and it was something I could concentrate on. It was almost as if, if I could just get my outfit just right, everything else would be okay too. Silly notion I know, but I ran with it and it worked for me!
While before the waiting had seemed like an eternity, a few days before the 'big night' time speeded up. I found myself in a strange place, knowing that it was nearly here. I wasn't nervous exactly, someone asked me how I was feeling and the nearest I could come to explaining was to describe that time just before a really big thunderstorm. You can feel the tension in the air like static but everything's gone deathly quiet, waiting for the wind to suddenly start blowing and the first drops of rain to fall. You find yourself straining your ears to hear the first rumbles of thunder in the distance and you can see that weird light you get when the clouds are really black overhead but the sun's shining underneath them. A strange analogy I know, but it was that sense of anticipation, like the world is holding its breath, that I was feeling.
Finally the day arrived! Not that I really had much chance to feel nervous then, I was far too busy. Getting packed and ready to go, travelling down to London, meeting up with the 'gang', going round the shops and then the munch kept me occupied so there was no time to be nervous. After the munch of course, it was time to go to the club and a whole gaggle of us trouped along on the tube. Even then, although I was excited, it seemed a little unreal. Even when everyone started talking about it, asking if I was ready (and pretty much advertising it to all the vanilla people sitting on the train too!) I still felt that strange 'calm before a storm' feeling.
We got to the club and I went to get changed, I took *ages* but it gave me time to get used to the idea that I was actually, finally, *there*! Walking out of the ladies, I got about five feet and then the nerves started to hit me. Fortunately I was able to stop there, near the bar, and talk to a couple I know from online but hadn't had a chance to meet in person before. We chatted and they could see how nervous I was, so it was thanks to them in the end that I got into the dungeon area to have a look (I got kind of dragged in). Not that being in there stopped the nerves, I ended up in a corner trying to ride the emotions, I knew then that I was really going to go through with it and was not so much scared of what was going to happen, as scared of how much I found myself *ready* for it. Something inside me was changing, I was about to do something that I never would have dreamed I'd do, I was becoming a different person and I was scared and excited all at once.
I'm reminded of an image in the movie 'Watership Down', it was when the rabbits needed to cross a river but the smallest ones couldn't swim. They ended up on a plank of wood and floated across but it wasn't very steady so they were standing there with their paws spread wide and their claws digging in to try and keep their balance. This was how I felt, I was desperately trying to keep my balance as these changes happened inside me and if I was a rabbit I'd have been standing just like those were. It was like all the bad things that have happened to me had been keeping me locked up inside, twisting the real me into knots and leaving me hunched and twisted. Now those twists were straightening, all the embarassment, the fear, the feeling of being less than I should, it all started to fall away and I was becoming the 'me' I always should have been.
It wasn't until later that Ganymede came and got me and it was then that a calm came over me, the fright just evaporated away and I felt, not numb but empty, waiting to be filled with something new. I walked into the dungeon area and waited while Ganymede cleared the bench for me, then lay myself over it. I felt one last twinge of the old me as Ganymede started to lift my sari up to reveal my bottom, a moment of embarassment but then it just fizzled away and was gone and it felt totally natural and normal. His wife stood right beside my head and I felt completely safe, I could feel a sense of total relaxation come over me. It was like that the whole way through, it was like the feeling you get when having a massage, relaxed and peaceful and I just drifted with it. Ganymede kept checking in with me and he was very gentle with me. It was a wonderful experience and I wasn't aware of anything except feeling so amazingly at peace. I never even realised that everyone had been watching until it was over and they all applauded. Afterwards I just felt like I had a sappy smile on my face (I probably did) and I wished it could have gone on longer because it had been so wonderful.
Later on in the evening, we got chatting to someone who did japanese style rope bondage and I was still feeling like I wanted to experience more so I volunteered to be tied up. By this time in the evening my sari had decided to come mostly untucked and was dragging on the floor and tripping me up a lot. When Ganymede suggested that it would be better off, this new me didn't even give it a second thought, off it came! Again, being there in just my underwear seemed like the most natural thing in the world. When I took off the belt, Ganymede took it and gave me a couple of whacks with it, which felt *very* nice!
After this, if you want a detailed description of what happened, you'd better ask someone else because it all got *very* fuzzy for me but I'll tell what I *do* remember. I got tied up and it was really comfortable, the rope went above and beneath my breasts and my arms were tied at the elbow with the rope going behind me and then my wrists were tied in front.
Ganymede tickled me while I was tied up, then he got out a horsehair flogger and used that. It felt very nice, stingy in the middle and tickly at the edges and the combination was wonderful. I remember he used a whole load of things on me then, and his wife was standing in front of me, holding me. I remember a strap, a crop (I *really* liked that!) and a pinwheel but by this time I had hit subspace in a *big* way. I was on another planet and it was *incredible*, I wish I could describe it but I just can't. I was floating and my whole world was just a wash of sensations, nothing else existed but what I could feel and *what* I was feeling was just amazing! I was told later that he used a paddle on me too, I never even realised what it was but I think I remember what it felt like. I was so deep I have no idea if there was anything else, it all just combined into a whole that I loved.
Afterwards Ganymede and his wife just held me and stroked my back and shoulders as I came back to earth. I have no idea how long it took me to come back, I remember I kept *trying* to come back enough to tell them I was okay, I didn't want them to worry about me, but I kept slipping away again, I just couldn't help myself. I had the most incredible feelings then, I felt so *loved* and I could have stayed like that forever! It was like love had become tangible, it was a blanket wrapped around me, keeping me warm and safe and everyone in the room was adding threads to that blanket and I was 'connected' to them all. This was everything I had ever dreamed or hoped for, and more! (and more and more and more!) I felt like I really belonged here, I was loved and accepted and I was really *me* at last. It wasn't so much that I had reached out and touched heaven, *it* had reached out and touched *me*. I had come home. :-)
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