Passwords to The Prosperity Zone:
Clues for Getting More by Doing Less
by
William S. Cottringer, MA, SCT. & Lora K. Haberer, M.Ed.
Passwords to The Prosperity Zone:
Clues for Getting More by Doing Less
by
William S. Cottringer, MA, SCT. & Lora K. Haberer, M.Ed.
Home
Book Synopsis (1) 
(2)
This is a uniquely formatted, easy to read 80K word, practical self-help guide, which encourages the reader to remember where the Prosperity Zone is and how to get there by practicing 101 Power "P" Points that can help him or her to get more by doing less.The Prosperity Zone is your self-actualized being. This is where you are at your best physically, mentally, emotionally, vocationally and spiritually. In this zone you are smart, happy, likable, whole, content and successful. It is the portal to infinite self- development. The Prosperity Zone is where you stop wanting and start getting. Everyone searches for this zone with varying degrees of effort and success. This search is the underlying purpose of life. The problem is that there is usually a big gap between where we are and where we want to be. Many of us have forgotten where the Prosperity Zone is, along with how to get there. This book is aimed at helping readers to remember where the Prosperity Zone is and close their gaps in getting there.
Passwords are Power Perturbation Points, or "P" points for short. "P" Point is our novel concept meaning small, effortless, but well placed and well timed interventions that produce major results. "P" Point insights bring about "light bulb" moments. Common everyday comercial adaptations of this concept include media headlines, political sound bytes and advertising jingles. In our book, these "P" Points are magical secrets or small keyholes to big doors, which help us to get more by doing less. They are practical, effortless solutions to getting more intelligence, well being and likability to be more successful at getting closer to where we want to be. These "P" Points represent the simple artof being smart, to assure success in any endeavor.
We all make ten key groups of mental mistakes. These are: Gaposis (not seeing the gap between where we are and where we want to be or seeing it and not doing anything about it), Instantaneousmania (getting caught up in a nanosecond world of instantaneousness), Either-orness (falling into the trap of dualistic thinking in which we set up opposites we have to chose between) Egocentric Conceit (developing an ego which separates us from the rest of life), Duncery (plain and simple thoughtless stupidity), Hide and Seek (denying who we are and our responsibilities and abilities), "P" Point Insensitivity (not paying attention to these little secrets that get big results), Priority Reversal (allowing the tail to wag the dog), Whussiness(weak-minded thinking and behavior),and Rationalizitus (making up excuses for not doing what we can to get where we want to be).
We offer 101 "P" Point solutions to overcome these mistakes. These solutions involve doing less, but doing less smarter, to get more. Our prescription for getting more by doing less is as follows: There are some behaviors we need to eliminate altogether. Examples are making excuses, being irresponsible or playing the edge game. These behaviors encourage us to do more and get less. Other behaviors need to be cut back, such as making assumptions, over-controlling and reality zone surfing. Again, we are doing too much to get too little. Then what is left over, just needs to be done smarter. Examples of these behaviors are becoming more assertive, controlling reactions and thinking in new information. This is when we stop wanting and start getting more by doing less.
Each of the 101 "P" Points is laid out with a germane quote in the beginning and end, a practical definition of the "P" Point, followed by an expose of the mistake's folly, some personal examples, poignant self-development questions and prescription for putting the "P" Point solution into action. There is a well-developed Introduction tying everything together and giving clear direction and the book is concluded with a clever piece, entitled The Puddle Fish Story, which amusingly re-summarizes everything in the simplest of terms. There are also six intriguing appendices, which offer much colorful, value-added benefit.
Although there are hundreds of other self-help/psychology books that offer key elements of our book, such as ways to improve intelligence, removing barriers to emotional well being, gaining wisdom, improving relationships, increasing finances, guaranteeing success at work, etc., none of them tie things altogether in a simple, practical system which teaches readers how to get more of everything by doing less. We have effectively translated others' technical psychobabble, erudite philosopicalese and religious doctrine into plain and amusing English which readers will appreciate and identify with. Our central "P" Point concept is novel magic, which effectively reduces confusion and creates clarity in an instant. It makes being smart a simple art.
We can all identify with the notion that there is a gap between where we are and where we want to be. The knowledge of how to get more by doing less in closing that gap is irresistible. The "P" Point solution concept is a wonderful discovery that has instant credibility, appeal and utility. The fact that it is a true insight and not a gimmick establishes its credibility and acceptance by readers and its importance and value to the public.
Readers generally respond better to learning about a new idea, which they can then use to remind themselves of what they already know. This is the most effective self-development technique and it is the style we use in this book. We pique the readers' intellectual curiosity, satisfy their emotional needs and suggest concrete actions to improve common sense behaviors.
The important ideas in the book have broad application and interest to reach a maximum reader audience. The book is an integrated philosophy written in everyday language, which will amuse professionals as well as lay readers alike.
The "P" Point concept has virtually unlimited application from improving golf to increasing career promotional potential to better sexual performance. There is much potential for stimulating improvements in other areas.
The style of this book is written in consideration of the most important driving forces in the marketplace today including, speed, choice, simplicity, change, accessibility and value.
Preface 33. Practice Prayer 68. See Life Principles Introduction 34. Keep Focused 69. Tune into "P" Points 101 "P" Points 35. Straighten Priorities 70. Solve Paradoxes 1. Believe 36. Challenge Reality 71. Go Below the Surface 2. Understand 37. Change Filters 72. Unleash Creativity 3. Make Exchanges 38. Rejoin Life 73. Solve Problems 4. Slow Down 39. Stop Prejudging 74. Have a Plan 5. Understand Control 40. Be Assertive 75. Set Goals 6. Develop Trust 41. Be responsible 76. Get results 7. Know What You Want 42. Simplify Things 77. Get Common Sense 8. Enjoy What You Have 43. Avoid Fatal Thinking 78. Remember 9. Energize Yourself 44. Devalue Consistency 79. Realize Perfection 10. Develop Will Power 45. Watch for the Edge 80. Listen More 11. Get Motivated 46. Deal with Anxiety 81. Be Honest 12. Make a Contribution 47. Beware of Roleplaying 82. Think Critically 13. Develop Strength 48. Stop Getting "High" 83. Think about Thinking 14. Live Now 49. Deal with Fear 84. Deliver Promises 15. Let Go 50. Close Gaps 85. Get New Information 16. Jump In 51. Walk Your Talk 86. Open Your Mind 17. Make Improvements 52. Stop Projecting 87.Acquire "Real" Wealth 18. Understand Timing 53. Avoid Reality Surfing 88. Make Decisions 19. Don't be Unhappy 54. Manage Anger 89. Know People 20. Stop Rationalizing 55. Diversify 90. Relate Well 21. Give Up Excuses 56. Confront Conflicts 91. Argue Correctly 22. Prioritize 57. Process Issues 92. Sharpen Vision 23. Practice Humility 58. Stop Assuming 93. Create Purpose 24. Control Reactions 59. Stop being Too Nice 94. Repair Things 25. Maintain Balance 60. Quit Quitting 95. Manage Yourself 26. Practice Patience 61. Examine Expectations 96. Develop Intuition 27. Give Change a Chance 62. Take Care of Yourself 97. Forgive 28. Stop Worrying 63. Work Smarter 98. Start Acting 29. Redefine Words 64. Seek Feedback 99. Be Kind 30. Change Your Nature 65. Laugh More 100. Give Back 31. Understand Destiny 66. Rejoin Head & Heart 101. Get Busy 32. Practice Morality 67. Practice Hindsight Conclusion, Etc.
"Good propaganda must proceed real events" (Erich Ludendorff). We are all on a journey. The journey is to reach our destination. Our destination is The Prosperity Zone, where we can be the best we can at everything we do. Our destination takes us from darkness to lightness, from unhappiness to joy, from imperfection to wholeness. We originally knew this destination clearly but we somehow forgot it. Now we are wandering around, hopelessly lost on the back roads. Maybe we did this all just to make things more interesting. Who knows? We can't remember our destiny, let alone why we can't remember it. The only clues we have left now are the whispers and faint images of our own private piece of a map to our destination in life, hidden in the depths of our souls and closely guarded by our heavily armed unconsciousness.
The only way we have to see, hear and figure out what our piece of the map means is by using our minds and learning how to communicate better. Unfortunately, we play tricks on our own and each other’s minds and communicate poorly. We have invented two very clever tricks to hide our destination and make it very difficult to find: (1) words which confuse our minds, erect obstacles and prevent any chance of understanding what our destination is, and (2) a self-imposed sentence of separation which keeps us from getting close enough to see, hear or feel our destination. Our words have created an artificial reality in our minds, which keeps us from being able to rediscover the ability that has always been inside. In this inescapable state of aloneness, we have a disturbing sense of not being "whole." Our living is a series of stupid little frenzied attempts to fill this void to become happy and complete with all sorts of imaginary destinations.
Many people have tried to describe what the map should look like and so we have an abundance of maps. We have map colleges, map libraries and map businesses. We even have maps of maps. All the mapmakers are certain they each have the best, most accurate and complete map. Groups of mapmakers have even banded together to make a bigger and stronger case for their map versions. The media is now in charge of the map business, having created an endless supply of entertaining scripts and scenarios of back roads for us to explore. But despite all these many convincing maps, we can't escape the fact that we are still very lost, trying to go somewhere but getting nowhere. We waste much time and effort in doing too much to get too little. Now we have more maps of back roads than we know what to do with and yet, the highway of lightness and wholeness still remains virtually hidden and its traffic is light. Meanwhile, there is a traffic jam on the back roads.
There is a subtle, but very powerful event going on inside us, which is nagging and undeniable. Fortunately this keeps us from getting totally lost, despite all the gallant efforts made by the mapmakers. This internal event is the ever-widening gap between where we know we need to be and where we actually are. We try to confuse this issue by making the distinction between what we need and what we want. This doesn't work because the more we want, the more we think we need. This never-ending quest is disturbingly unsatisfying.
We started on our journey without adequate preparation. We failed to study our piece of the map before we started running off exploring back roads and getting lost. We have even allowed the media to redefine all of our destinations. When we can finally acknowledge being lost we make another mistake. We over-focus on how to get unlost instead of trying to find out where our destination is. We look around for more "how" maps. This is not smart. We are wasting more time and effort, doing even more to get even less. The only true map is inside us.
All along our journey our map piece has been growing in size and getting in better focus, all right in front of our own eyes. Oddly enough though, that location turns out to be the best hiding place of all! As a wise saying goes, "The obscure takes a while to see, but the obvious even longer." Maybe this is the benefit of studying history. If we take the time to get a good understanding of where we have been, we might get a clearer picture of where we are going. After all, we are usually three-quarters there already and the picture is nearly finished. Understanding this insight can be the starting point to finally seeing some light toward our destination.
Slowing down, letting go and accepting the undeniable rightness of our own piece of the map will help us to remember who we really are and where we started from. We can then share that information with others to rediscover the real destination. In the process, we can also share knowledge of some of these best back roads, which are most reliable to take us in the direction toward which we need to be going. Doing all this requires the right attitude of complete acceptance, which is always one of the toughest things to do. Next, we have to make the effort of undoing all the obstacles we have erected before our destination, by the confusion our words have brought about and by the illusion of separation our minds have convinced us exists.
This book is a celebration of true intelligence. Stupidity is what keeps us from getting closer to where we want to be. We have to see that we are presently doing a lot, but not really getting much in return. After all, the most valuable application of intelligence is to get the best results with the least effort. First, we have to begin to unlearn this stupidity by remembering critical "P" Points. These are points where small, but well-placed and well-timed efforts have major payoffs. They are small keyholes to big doors. This simple art of getting smart(er) is a system of getting more by doing less. This involves avoiding some behaviors altogether, cutting back on others, and then doing what is left smarter.
Lora and I wanted to be with our true love, but were far from it a year ago. True love is what happened to Lora and me when we finally woke up to who we are and where we are going. When we started remembering all the things in this book, we became smarter and consequently more likable. When we became more likable, we got in a much better position to find what we are looking for. For us, becoming smarter is the process of growing up by undoing all the unnecessary stupid habits we had learned. This was not an easy thing to do, but the reward made it all worthwhile. We learned to get much more by doing much less.
We all have a book inside us and this is ours. Lora and I have always been addicted to knowledge and especially how we use and abuse it to get where we want to go or be who we want to be. We also like sharing important insights. This is our story about some key stupid mistakes we've made and a few smart solutions we remembered during our journey. Our challenge to the reader is to study your own map well enough to know where it is taking you. Are you wanting and not getting? Are you doing much and getting little? If so, read on. If not, write your own book of secrets.
There is another wise saying, "Nothing is new, it is just old and retold." And, so it is with this book. There is nothing remarkable about the ideas in this book. The reader will probably already know most of these "mistakes" and what can be done about them to become smarter. However, we think we all need some gentle reminders now and then as to who we really are and where we are going. We seem to respond better when reminded to remember what we already know, rather than being shamed or otherwise forced into learning something new. Wisdom is not something new; it is something that is old and retold, over and over again until it becomes clear.
In the end, it is only a simple act of acceptance, which keeps us from reaching our destination in becoming the best we can. We are always so close yet so far. The main question we need to be asking is, "Why are we so dense about this all?"
"Tell me quick and tell me true, or else my friend, the heck with you. Less of how your product came to be, and more of what it does for me" (Sonny Harris).
The Simple Art of Being Smart
"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy" (Guillaume Apollinaire).We are all searching for the prosperity Zone, with varying degrees of effort and success. We see the objects of our search clearly, whether it is finding true love, winning a promotion, getting wealthy, becoming enlightened, being happy or achieving other success. However, this search generally involves getting some usable answers to some basic underlying questions first, which we fail to do. These questions are "Who am I? Where am I going? Why? How do I get there?" We make some stupid mistakes in trying to answer these questions, which become bad habits and these habits keep the answers to these questions hidden from us. We have to undo this unnecessary stupidity and become smarter to see and hear the answers so we can move closer to where we want to be. That is "intelligence:" Being where you want to be. You are getting more by doing less.
The key to becoming smarter lies in the concept of Power Perturbation Points, or "P" Points for short. These are the secrets we have forgotten to get more by doing less. These are small keyholes to BIG doors. They help us see the prescription for getting smarter: Avoid some behaviors altogether, cut back on others and do what is left, smarter. The perturbation concept was originally an engineering term, but we are using it broadly here to mean critical points where the application of a small, well-timed and well-placed effort will produce major results. Common examples are raising the temperature of water to 212 degrees to boil it, teaching emergency procedures during an actual emergency, and giving someone a hug when he or she needs it most. Others are headlines, sound bytes and advertisement jingles and slogans. The more "P" Points we discover, the smarter we get. They are the only true short cuts to help us get where we want to go, faster. The problem is that we have forgotten most of them. The rest, we only see as a blur because of how fast we need to get things done.
Let's look at the example of finding true love. This complex situation is demanding of our intelligence and requires us to remember critical "P" Points, neither of which generally happens. The lessons from this example are widely applicable to many problem situations in life.
What is the process of finding your true love? Let’s face it, this is probably one of the most important events in life and one for which we are least prepared. We start our search all wrong. We don’t have the foggiest idea of what love is, let alone what true love might be. We conjure up a vague mental image of what we want our perfect mate to be like and then make an even vaguer shopping list. Then we go looking and hope love will be part of finding that person. Our search is often based on the perception of our own worth, but this self-assessment isn't always accurate. Inaccurate self-ratings can complicate the search. All this isn't a smart application of intelligence. We are doing much and getting little in the way of results.
If we find someone with whom we feel love, important conscious wants may be missing. Our new partner may not be good-looking enough, have a good education or be as financially secure as we would prefer. These missing things can lead to an unsatisfying relationship, despite our gallant attempts to be tolerant and accepting. The results usually don't mach the efforts.
If we are successful in finding our perfect mental image with all the characteristics and traits we want, love may be missing. The relationship may be comfortable and enjoyable, but there is no magic, romance or passion. These are not exactly the results we are after.
If we over-rate ourselves, we may continually lose in love and get disappointed over and over again. If we under-rate our personal worth, then we may be cheating ourselves. Again, no worthwhile results for all our efforts.
Then there is the situation that starts out okay but one person later goes sideways with inappropriate behavior he or she could stop but chooses to continue. Or even worse yet, out partner doesn't communicate what is going on. We make an assertive request as to what we need, but we get a negative response or no response at all. What dilemmas most of us have!
Much of the time we sacrifice the degree of love we need, along with the ideal traits and characteristics we want, hoping there is enough left to sustain a good relationship. Unfortunately there usually isn’t a satisfactory conclusion to this common scenario. "For better or worse" doesn’t include having to tolerate negative behaviors a person has control over but refuses to change, to accept missing important things we can’t live without, or not being told what is wrong. We simply cannot accept wrong behavior our partner has control over but won’t change, or not learning what is wrong in order to have a chance to correct the problem. Nor can we accept not having legitimate things we want and need for our emotional survival. These things go against our drive to grow and be healthy. We have done much to gain little.
After considerable thought and discussion, Lora and I concluded that we had made four stupid mistakes in our own search for true love. Understanding and resolving these mistakes was a critical part of opening the door to our true love, along with all the other things we were looking for. This process involved fine tuning sensitivity to our own important "P" Points.
The first and probably biggest mistake we both made in the beginning was to pick the wrong person. This was a disturbing insight indeed. We tried to convince ourselves we were getting most of what we wanted, but the things we weren’t getting, such as intimate communication, easy-going compatibility, and romance and passion, turned out to be too important to sacrifice. What can be more important than picking the right person? Picking the wrong person involves doing much more than you have to, in getting where you want to be in the love arena. This is one of those behaviors to avoid altogether.
In our particular situations, there were only two options and they were both undesirable: To try and accept these flaws or look elsewhere. Lora chose the path of acceptance and I took the greener pasture route. Neither choice had a happy ending. My new pasture wasn't as green as it looked from a distance and Lora was trying to do something she couldn't do. A disturbing realization for us was that all our unhappy endings in past relationships had unmistakable red flags from the very beginning. We didn’t trust our inner voices trying to warn us. How foolish we feel now! We can laugh at thinking about how much we did to get so little.
The second mistake we made was in not focusing on our own likableness. We were more concerned about the other person’s unlikability. We were okay, they weren’t. We were waiting for the other people to change into what we wanted and needed before we were willing to do the same for them. We also failed to demonstrate what we needed. We only complained and nagged and grew further apart. Were we wasting time and effort in doing too much to get too little? Yes.
The third mistake we made was in failing to recognize the critical point of no return in our relationships. There is always such a point in normal relationships. If something drastic isn’t done at this critical point, the relationship deteriorates past being able to be repaired. This is a point where communication has to be its best, when it is often at its worst, as it was in our cases. Both partners have to recognize this point of no return and be willing and able to make needed changes in increasing their own likability. Unfortunately both people are usually already going in opposite directions and just don't want to admit it. In all our past relationships, this point came and went before we could see it. Our own unlikability had dulled our sensitivity, and we were unable to see what we needed to see when we needed to see it. The results came from an unbalanced equation of doing too much to get too little.
The fourth and final mistake we made was in thinking more picking would solve the problem, but we never learned the art of picking correctly. The problem was that we both had conscious desires and unconscious needs, which had to be met for true love to be realized. When our conscious desires were not being met, how can we even become aware of our unconscious needs? What chance of success could we have possibly had? None. In looking back, we feel really foolish. On the other hand, it was these mistakes which led us toward each other, so not all was lost.
When there are important things missing in our mate, such as ambition, desire to communicate, or lack of physical attraction, we only have two no-win choices. We can either try to accept this unsatisfying reality or look elsewhere. Both choices can be frustrating and lead to more problems. This is when we first started seeing we were doing too much to get so little.
We always feel a little guilty when we are not able to accept the other person, flaws and all. We can become even more frustrated and confused when we finally realize we are with the wrong person. By then, there are just too many obstacles to do anything about the situation. At this point we feel trapped. When trapped, we are capable of doing just about anything to get free. This all applies equally to many other hopeless situations such as being stuck in a get nowhere job or living somewhere that has no attraction. We are spinning our wheels.
Let’s get to the point. Success at getting closer to where we want to be is what we are all searching for one way or another, whether it is finding true love, becoming enlightened, being happy, getting a good job, losing weight or becoming wealthy. This is what we all want. Success moves you from being a spectator to being a player. It is very satisfying when you have it and very annoying when you don't. So, stop wanting and start getting. Start getting more by doing less.
How Do We Stop Being Stupid?
Can we do anything to turn stupidity into intelligence? Definitely! However, this answer is a paradox. Paradoxes are nature’s most clever hiding places for the best clues to get the most out of life. The effort to understand these paradoxes is always well rewarded. In one way true intelligence is pure serendipity, which more or less finds you; but in another way it is a planned, rational activity, which you can prepare for and get in a better position to find your answers. Being able to join these seemingly contradictory approaches is the heart of solving the paradox. Patience is the key.
Preparing for success in getting closer to where you want to be requires becoming more intelligent. We were all born quite intelligent, but in the course of "growing up" we have learned some stupid habits. The Tibetans even believe we have all the intelligence in the universe and then lose it by crossing over from baby talk to adult language somewhere about the second year of our lives. Just a few of the stupid habits we learn are our self-centeredness, our impatience, our unassertiveness, our inability to be creative, our lack of critical thinking, our useless worrying and complaining, and our unproductive assuming behavior. Becoming smarter involves undoing our stupidity by fine tuning our sensitivity to critical "P" Points. This requires making some changes in the way we think, act and communicate. Oddly, we will actually being doing less and getting more.
As we already said, we are all engaging in a search for something with varying degrees of effort and awareness. Although there are already plenty of general self-help books available, none really address the core issues of why we need to become smarter and how we can use intelligence to remember "P" Points to help get us closer to where we want to be. We feel that the issue of stupidity is way too important to not take on directly. Stupidity is at the heart of all failure. We all want to be successful and success requires the application of true intelligence. At the center of intelligence are "P" Points. The appeal of this simple art of being smart is that you can in fact get more by doing less.
Lora and I made our share of mistakes but still found true love. Then we found true love to be a major door opener to everything else worthwhile. We would like to make a contribution by sharing the prescription we rediscovered for becoming smarter and remembering important "P" Points. For us, becoming smarter involved applying the solutions to correcting three main mistakes: (1) Remembering our original prescription for intelligence (2) Removing stupidity barriers, and (3) Increasing sources of smartness. This prescription is a mixture of avoiding some behaviors altogether, cutting back on others and doing what is left, smarter.
Remembering Our Intelligence Prescription
Lora and my starting point in finding true love was to redefine what we thought Love was. We typically don't even think much about this. Love is more of an attitude, which we can develop, rather than something we do or a state of well being that we get from anything. After all, it is not the things themselves which can give us pleasure or satisfaction, but rather our attitude or opinion about those things. If we don’t have the right attitude about love, then love probably won’t do much for us. Without this right attitude, we can't even recognize what we are looking for if it is standing right in front of us. To get to this point we have to avoid one behavior altogether, that being having the wrong attitude.
What is the right attitude about being intelligent? Rediscovering the right attitude involves refocusing on our own stupidity. Why is this so difficult? We are spending all our energy in trying to change the whole world's stupidity. As usual, we have placed the cart before the horse and the tail is wagging the dog. We are busy looking for new answers out there when we should be remembering what we already know. We look for success before we remember how to be smart. We look for love before we learn how to love. We are doing more to get less.
Sooner or later, we must realize we need to stop what we are doing and be very still. We need to listen with both ears and see with our mind's eye. We need to tape our mouths shut and be silent. We need to remember to remember. When we do this, we will remember the rightness and benefits of an attitude of unselfishness and humility. We will also remember answers to the important questions of "Who am I? Where am I going? Why? How do I get there?" Once we get our answers, we can share them with others by living out those answers with the right attitude.
In living attitude is everything. Failure can be seen as a disaster or an opportunity to start over again. Negative feedback can be viewed as criticism or as instruction. Unhappiness can be seen as something to be avoided at all costs or as a necessary state to appreciate happiness. The right attitude to increase intelligence is a positive, assertive one. Negative, passive and aggressive attitudes only increase failure. Again, this isn't amazing news in the least; but what is amazing is the extent of negativity, passivity and aggressiveness despite the obvious fact that these approaches don't work. Sometimes we seem to need a two by four across the forehead to wake up.
If for some reason or another you can't have a positive, assertive attitude, then at least try to have a neutral, or "let's wait and see" one. Here is something to consider: The right attitude is free. It doesn't cost us anything and gives us great value. The right attitude always helps us see the truth, and that is how we know when we have one. It is self-affirming. Having the right attitude is the easiest way to get where you want to be in getting more by doing less.
Removing Stupidity Barriers
Often, the quickest way to get anywhere is to identify and eliminate obstacles that are in between where we are and where we want to be. In our need for instantaneous action and results we often overlook this critical activity. We see what we want and everything else is blurred. We try to run full speed ahead, tripping over all sorts of barriers in the process. Sometimes we end up with such a mess that we have to go back and start all over again. With our attempt to be smarter, our primary obstacle is our own stubborn avoidance of focusing on how we can become less stupid and avoid doing the things which keep is from being where we want to be. Removing these barriers requires us to avoid some behaviors altogether and cutting back on others.
Obviously, one of the biggest barriers to becoming smarter is the wrong attitude mentioned earlier. We need to stop thinking, sit very still and humbly accept the importance of having the right attitude. Why? Because we can’t get to where we need to be any other way. Continued rebellion against this simple truth is just futile loitering. Once the right attitude takes hold, we will begin to see other needless stupidity barriers and endless potential sources of becoming smarter. The right attitude helps us to move forward in the right direction. It helps you get more by doing less. If you can't avoid having the wrong attitude altogether, at least consider cutting it back a bit.
Another major barrier to intelligence is poor communication. In fact, miscommunication may be related to all failure, one way or the other. Often, miscommunication keeps us from remembering our prescription for being intelligent. Good communication increases understanding, which opens a major portal to personal growth. Confusion, on the other hand, creates misunderstanding and puts a lock on the portal. Miscommunication is the culprit responsible for most failures. We all need to work at cutting back on poor communication.
The most serious miscommunication problems involve four situations: (1) one person not communicating what is really on his or her mind (2) one or both people not listening (3) one or both people not understanding, and (4) defensive situations where there is too much emotionality. Special care needs to be exercised to avoid these traps.
At some point we need to remember that we originally invented words to represent realities that we were trying to communicate. Somewhere along the line the sequence of this word-thing relationship got reversed. Words now define the reality of things for us. If someone calls us "stupid" for making a simple mistake, we become totally brainless and incompetent. If our partner is more preoccupied with a practical concern, he has an unromantic, boring personality. We must reclaim some power that has been given to words, to re-establish the real realities we intend them to represent. This is especially important in arguing where we have a tendency to use hateful and hurtful words and not really mean them. These words do more than sting the soul.
Before we can do anything to make progress in improving communication we have to realize just how bad our present communication really is. Assuming our communication is being successful is not smart. People's minds rarely interpret accurately what their own ears "hear" what other people's mouths are "saying." We are saying more but understanding less.
Today, babble is more the rule, than the exception. Consider the original divine confusion from Genesis: 11: 6-9:
"And the Lord said, 'Behold, they are one people, and they have all one language; and this is only the beginning of what they will do; and nothing that they propose to do will now be impossible for them. Come let us go down, and confuse their language, that they may not understand one another's speech." Therefore it's name was called Babel, because there the lord confused the language of the earth…" We can become smarter by improving our communication. We can improve our communication by following a few simple rules: Listen more and talk less, choose words wisely, learn to argue skillfully, never assume understanding, clarify any misunderstanding and ask for feedback as to how you are doing. In oral communication we should pay attention to the manner in which things are said, and in written communication we should practice writing as we speak. Taking the time to learn a little about the person to whom we are writing or speaking, and then making the necessary adjustments also helps to improve the impact of our communication (See Appendix E: Total Quality Communication, for a detailed system of improving communication).
Increasing Sources of Smartness
The third solution in becoming smarter is to identify potential sources of becoming that way. It only stands to reason that the more sources of becoming smarter a person has, the greater the chances of success. This part of the prescription is doing what is left over from avoiding and cutting back key behaviors, smarter. Fortunately for all of us these sources are virtually unlimited. They are abundantly scattered all around life. All we have to do is look harder and listen closer to all the clues and acknowledge them with a positive, assertive attitude, rather than missing them through passivity or attacking them with aggressiveness and negativity.
This is certainly one area we have permission to borrow each other’s ideas. New sources of intelligence are highly contagious. Find one and it will lead you to another. For instance, develop a new interest and you will become more interesting with higher energy. With that come more opportunities. And the more opportunities you have, the more you learn. The more you learn, the more you know and the more you know, the smarter you are. Are you starting to remember all this?
The 101 "P" Points which follow are a few important insights we have rediscovered in improving smartness. They are also answers we have remembered to the important questions of "Who am I? Where am I going? Why? How do I get there?" Our challenge to the reader is for you to remember your own mistakes and solutions, along with the answers you already know to these questions. We can all probably benefit from applying Winnie the Pooh’s advice:
Our list of "rules" for becoming smarter is short:
"How can you get very far, if you don’t know who you are? How can you do what you ought, if you don’t know what you’ve got? And if you don’t know which to do, of all the things in front of you, then what you have when you are through, is a mess without a clue. All the best that can come true,if you know what and which and who." (The Tao of Pooh) Focus on and compete within yourself, rather than against others. Have a positive attitude as often as you can. Understand as much as you can well enough but not too well. Control the controllables and let go of the rest.
Copyright by William S. Cottringer, Ph.D. and Lora K. Haberer, M.Ed.,2000
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Published by William S. Cottringer
Last Updated: August 30, 2000
