"If you have anything to tell me of importance, for goodness sake,begin at the end" (Sara Jeannette Duncane)
Our stupidity has involved the confounded interaction of ten big mental mistakes: Gaposis, Instantaneousmania, Either-Orness, Egocentric Conceit, Duncery, Hide & Seek, "P" Point Insensitivity, Priority Reversal, Whussiness, and Rationalizitus. Becoming smarter requires us to first remember these stupid mistakes, and then do something about them.
Gaposis
There is always some perceived distance between where we actually are and where we want to be. We either don't see this gap, or we do, and don’t do anything about it for any and all of the reasons below. As long as we continue to forget we are making all of these other mistakes, our gaps continue to grow. Obviously, the wider this gap becomes, the harder it is to close. Some useful tools for closing this gap include: Focusing, following-up and following through, re-learning the art of conflict management, re-practicing assertiveness, recalling personal congruence, determining what you really want, merging free will and destiny and participating in a healthy intimate relationship which offers growth opportunities.
We have a tendency to go 1000 mph and then wonder why our vision is getting blurry and why we are getting dizzy. This hyper-shuffle results in significant gap blindness and interferes with the use of other re-braining tools. Unless we can force ourselves to slow down a tad, we can’t even see what we need to be seeing. Ways to combat this mistake include: Simplification, understanding miscommunication, avoiding communication shut-down, developing quality communication, practicing time management principles, avoiding time wasters, developing a sense of nowness, and appreciating the necessity of baby-stepping. Remembering and correcting this speed mistake has big payoffs in improving both our internal well being and external output. Obviously, the speed at which we are presently traveling, determines what we can see in relation to our wellness gaps and improving things for the future. Nothing can change until we slow down long enough to see what needs changing.
We seem to have an insatiable habit of splitting the world into pairs of opposites and then declaring one side as okay and the other as not okay. This habit generates more gaposis by unquestioned and unanswered fiat. In the re-braining process of rejoining life, we have to see the "crack in the cosmic egg" and work at avoiding polarization and lopsidedness. A start is to resolve the moral conflict of good vs. bad, in beginning to see the necessity of both sides of what is the same coin. The next step is to work towards restoring balance in the many areas we have allowed ourselves to get lopsided in. Most of the time this requires applying cures to the rest of the stupid mistakes we are making.
We have developed a fatal illusion of a distinct and separate self-hood which owns its own thoughts and controls its own destiny, apart from the rest of the universe and not at all dependent on anything else. Wow! We must quickly dissolve this I-me-ness, expose the control illusion, resolve the basic trust problem, adapt to the pervasiveness and inevitability of change, expand our open-mindedness, quit playing the I’m right-you’re wrong control and waiting games, challenge reality and change our perceptual filters. More than anything, we have to stop taking ourselves so seriously so we can free up some energy to get busy un-doing these other stupid mistakes.
We are all guilty as charged:Plain and simple unthinking dumbness, without quantity or quality, which contributes to gaposis exponentially. The re-braining skills we are in desperate need of are: Redefining intelligence, remembering how to think, thinking in new information, avoiding fatal thinking errors, reclaiming common sense, re-practicing effective decision-making, re-exploring "creatuitive 3-D" thinking, avoiding consistency, superficiality and pre-judging, seeing past the dust, re-learning people principles, understanding simplification, and thinking about thinking.
The last thing we want to admit is playing the ultimate cosmic game of amnesia, in which we forget who we are and deny the particular game we are playing, just to pass time and keep from getting bored. This irresponsible game is the gap. The most dangerous Hide & Seek game we play is the "Edge Game," where we tip toe to the edge of the cliff just to see how close we can get without falling off. We must blow the whistle on anyone who is playing this one, immediately. The only known way to expose this hide and seek fraud is to look in the mirror and see past what you see. Another name for this technique is meditation. Other secret hiding places we need to remember include irresponsibility, role-playing, nicey-wicey, paradigm morphing, role-unmodeling, reality channel surfing, getting high, being in love with love, mistaken love, projection, anxiety and suicide. One good way to un-hide is to re-practice having a healthy intimate relationship with another human being. As mentioned before, this is also the best known cure for gaposis.
We are blind and deaf to seeing and hearing the critical moments of truth (perturbation points) in life, which if noticed, can greatly cure gaposis. Mental activities to increase "P" Point sensitivity include: Improving awareness to timing, uncovering paradoxes, compiling important life principles, avoiding going past the point of perfection and studying things in nature. Remembering the nature of vicious circles we get caught up in and then reversing that process into a positive centrifugal force to spin out of and move forward, is a major "P" point to tap into.
We also engage in a rather peculiar habit of doing important things bass ackwards, such as spending 80% of our time getting 20% of the results in closing our gaps. Special cases of priority reversal to be aware of are greener pastures, efficiency vs. effectiveness, mine or yours, big brother defining us, and getting caught up in the heroin pleasure-pain syndrome. The more we look, the more we find. A road map through this maze is to re-order our basic life priorities, as to what is really most important.
Also guilty as charged: Nandy-pandy, willy-nilly, whimpy, whingeing, weak-willed, lame regression of giving in and giving up when things get a little tough. This quitting syndrome is also a major producer of gaposis, in that it keeps us from doing anything about the mistakes we know we are making. A few smart tools to help remember strength include: Separating commitment from contribution, changing your nature, re-practicing effective problem-solving skills, eliminating fear of failure and fear of success, using will power effectively, dissolving worrying and complaining, taking care of ourselves, and appreciating humor.
We have developed a truly amazing talent for explaining even the most negative and insane situations in a positive light, only when it comes to ourselves. This mistake is probably the best example of egocentric conceit in action, because it keeps us chasing our tails within our own gap, while denying we are even doing that. Nothing will ever change, though, until we cease this subtle it’s my nature and other just as unproductive hide & seek games and eliminate our bad habits of explainitus, excusosis, and over-closure. The more reasons we have for not doing something, the less chance it will get done. We have to become smarter if we are going to get closer to where we want to be.
"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do" (John Wooden).
Copyright by William S. Cottringer,1999.
http://webpages.charter.net/ckurtdoc/mental_mistakes.html
Published by William S. Cottringer
Last Updated: November 26, 2001
