Out of hiding...

Well, I guess it's about time I started to come out of hiding. I really haven't been hiding from anyone but myself. I've been going through all the motions that I've done for the last few years of my life. I've gone to work, I've eaten - everything else that I'd normally do. But I've locked myself away from so many things emotionally so I've left off writing because that could be hard. I've had a lot of bad things happen over the last month and a half. I didn't really mention it in this blog but the day before my Dad's funeral Leia and I found out we were expecting a baby. Well a couple weeks later we had a miscarriage. Between all of this I managed to just want to hide out more than ever. Leia and I are doing ok and I think we've dealt with it pretty well. She is healthy.

I've used the roller coaster reference before and this was just another hill on that ride. I haven't really had a chance to slow down and just try to get myself back together but I'm almost there. I'm close enough that I'm feeling like writing again. The hardest thing for me to do is to show emotion. Every so often I let it slide but it's pretty rare. I'm getting there, though.

The last month and a half... hmmm... Well, my dad died - though I'm happy with the manner that everything happened it still stinks losing him. When he was around I guess I didn't talk to him as much as I probably could have but I can't go back now and change that. His last few weeks I talked to him almost every day so that helps a bit. There are so many things that I wish we could have shared but it's not going to happen. I did get a chance to show him my Ducky Planet website and I managed to show him what I've done with his Warm Fuzzys. He was even around long enough to find out that they started to sell a little.

I got to drive his car in the funeral procession - right behind the hearse. His old car that I had given him years ago was able to make one more trip with him. A friend of the the family rode along with me - Larry Lake. He was my dad's sponsor in AA. They were very close and I couldn't have thought of a better person to go there with me. Buried with my dad is a little red wagon that I managed to find that week along with a rubber duck, a stuffed monkey, a frog and a small pillow. The wagon was something him and I bought each other for christmas every year and this year wasn't going to be the exception. He had already gotten one for me and I'll get it this year. The duck was me, the monkey Juliann (my step daughter even though I still can't spell her name), the frog Leia, and the pillow was for a future kid that unfortunately won't be around.

Since then I've also redone the flooring in my mom's bathroom along with putting in a new toilet for her. It's been a very busy time and I'm just now slowing down enough to take a break. I'm glad I've had a few friends show up on here or on e-mail and I'm sorry I haven't been as talkative as I'd like. Hopefully now that things are starting to clear up a little I'll be able to keep in better touch. Everyone is doing okay but I still go through moments that it's hard.

Well, I guess that's about it for now from me. Thanks everyone for sticking through and reading my random babel.