This is my favorite version of a list made up of contributions by parents on the
PED-ONC internet mailing list and on the "Parents of Kids with Cancer"
board on America Online.


            You Know You AreThe Parent Of A Kid With Cancer
            When . . .

                1.  You carry a tube of EMLA in your purse instead a tube of lipstick.

                2.   Kids with hair look kind of strange to you.

                3.  You can sleep anywhere, and anything that reclines more than 15 degrees
                looks "comfy."

                4.  Your spouse asks what that sexy perfume is, and it's Betadine.

                5.  You don't realize the sharps container is on the kitchen table until half-way
                through dinner.

                6.  You enjoy the drive at 3:00am to the emergency room because there aren't
                any other cars on the road.

                7.  You can name all the equipment used on "ER."

                8.  You can diagnose the patients on "ER" before the docs do.

                9.  You hear a truck backing up and you think the IV is beeping.

                10.  You are so proud that your baby finally gets hair (and he is 8)!

                11.  Your new bathroom trash can has "Hazardous Waste" written on it
                (recycled sharps container).

                12.  You can maneuver a double pole with six boxes and a kid riding on a
                tour of the hospital, and make it back to the room before the low-battery
                alarm sounds and the kid has to go wee-wee.

                13. You realize you've been home two weeks from the hospital and you are
                still measuring pee.

                14.  The nurses stop responding to the IV alarm, knowing you'll fix it anyway.

                15.  You use EMLA to pluck your eyebrows.

                16.  Your children ask what's for dinner, and you automatically reach for
                the hyper-al bag.

                17.  Your 2-year-old knows where all of the medical equipment goes and how to use it.

                18.  Your child's first word is a medical term.

                19.  You keep a bag packed all the time in the closet like you're 9 months pregnant.

                20.  You can eat with one hand while you hold the barf bucket with the other.

                21.  Your 5 year old can read and interpret the printouts of her blood counts,
                and argues with the docs over the calculation of her ANC.

                22.  You find yourself showing hospital employees shortcuts for getting around
                the building.

                23.  Your latest embroidery project is a wall hanging proclaiming "God Bless Zofran."

                24.  You notice that all the bookmarks in your house are alcohol pad packets,
                and the bathtub toys include several different sizes of medical syringes.

                25.  You ask your CPA if bribe toys are tax deductable.
 


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