The sun is damn hot
You could fry an egg up there
or even two eggs

I have corduroys,
and I know how to use them!
Drop the knife, buddy!

Orange and green cubes.
Refreshments in square glasses.
Kirk gets all the perks!

SUPER SATURDAY!!
NITRO BURNIN' FUNNY CARS!!
I wish I could read.

A Tribute to Edgar Allen Poe
co-written by Matthew Goers
Oh the Bells, Bells, Bells
Bells, Bells, Bells, Bells, Silver Bells.
Answer the damn phone!

Kraft Macaroni,
or Dinner in Canada.
They're subtle up there.

The Lewinski Tapes:
Three hours of heavy breathing,
with six french fries breaks

I love Clown College!
I mean, I flunked History,
I won't fail Big Shoes!

Cellophane tape Rules!
Not like royalty does, though,
It is just sticky.

Fish aren't magnetic.
You can't catch them with magnets.
Go buy some earthworms.

Do woodpeckers sleep?
Do they dream about big trees?
Or just about sex?

Bob is my snowman.
He's a dancing maniac,
When your back is turned.

Haikus that are just
one long sentence cut into
three parts really suck.

Clinton's new intern
Inappropriate contact?
Close but no cigar.

Funny Banditos,
"Plethora of Piñatas"
El Guapo's sweater.

The Hokey Pokey.
I love when cheerleaders dance.
Shake it all about.

Glenn in space again.
Man on board with pacemaker.
Geriastronaut.
by Matt Love

Brachial sickness
Chronic phlegm's my middle name
We hawk our loogies
by Steve Miller

Football playing dogs
Smelling butts in the huddle.
Chewing on the ball.

I don't believe you
It's not that I think you'd lie,
You quoted Clinton.

An ode to Homer.
Syllables are a problem.
"DOH" is only one

If I was batman
I'd wear a spiffy bat belt
but no spiffy pants.

Where's Sir-Mix-A-Lot?
Remember, he likes big butts.
Maybe he's bowling.

Kyle's mom is a bitch.
You killed Kenny, you bastards!.
This decade's Flintstones.

This is a good one.
This poem will touch your heart.
Are you there, heart? [Poke].

M&M's candies,
They melt in mouths not in hands.
No Monica jokes

The Phantom Menace.
An even newer Star Wars.
Where's all the muppets?

No poem this week.
I wasn't feeling too well.
Just hold your horses.

Jar Jar Binks is black?
And that cone-headed Jedi,
I suppose he's French?

I had a black eye.
Mom put a big steak on it.
The A-1 sauce burned.

They've found the tenth muse.
She's the muse of bad haiku.
Her name is Mable.

I am Pigeon Man!!
Fighting Crime and Injustice!!
Crapping on statues.

I have new long johns
I put them on when I'm cold,
and my new éclairs.

Why don't penguins cry?
They walk around without shoes,
that would make me cry.

I have a trained pig,
But he doesn't find truffles,
Just toenail fungus.

Never tickle snakes.
They don't have feet or armpits,
and their sides have scales!

Watch out for tree frogs!
They can emit vile toxins.
Plus, one has grenades!

Why are sloths so slow?
Perhaps a fast name would help,
Like speedy-buggers.

My parachute pants.
I hold my own destiny.
I packed them myself.

LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!!
Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.
MUTANT SPACE MONKEYS!!

My friend Eric's nose,
It sometimes shines, sometimes glows,
Depends on the beer.
by Dale Dobbratz

Tom sells giant peas.
They make good lawn ornaments,
or Hippity Hops.

Affluent Spiders,
They don't just use silk for webs,
They've got DSL.

Free the Sea Monkeys,
the lowliest of brine shrimp.
Send them to Utah.

I love my shampoo
"Gee, your hair smells terrific"
Afrodesiac

"Happy Holidays"?
What holiday, Arbor Day?
Say Merry Christmas.

Daughter of Don Ho
Writing japanese poems
Hoku Ho haiku
by Jason Donaldson

Me Chak the caveman.
Me no speak complete sentence.
Me haiku write good.

You look so dreary
Cocaine-chic in black clothing
Here, have a Lolly!

Pennies from Heaven
Terminal Velocity
It's death from above

I know you have beads.
Stop throwing them at women.
It's Lent already.

Roget's Thesauras.
It's a "means-the-same-thing" book,
not a French lizard.
co-written by Jason Donaldson

Our friend Peter V.
Beavis impersonator
"Never gonna score."
by Jason Donaldson

Jedi Mind Tricks work!
Wait, I can prove it to you.
"Buy a Goth T-shirt"

Went to Hawaii
I danced the Grass-skirt Hula
They voted me off.

Beware the Hands of Fate!
The Master will send Torgo!
He's got scary knees.

Week after Easter
Quasimodogeniti
Ring them bells, Quasi
by Rev. Walter Goers

A pint of Guinness
The SI Swimsuit Issue
Whiskers on kittens

The smell of leather,
Hearing the crack of the bat;
the ballgag hurts, though.

"Coochie Coochie Coo"
I'm tickling the baby,
Not playing Charro

I hate hard choices
'Twixt Scylla and Charybdis
Paper or plastic

If you're ever shot,
Don't cry for help, yell this:
"You're Dith-picable"

It was good english,
Oxford put "D'oh" in the book!
Don't have a cow, man!

Dinosaurs were fat.
Sure, they'd make up an excuse,
like "I'm just big-boned!"

It's the netherworld.
Of course, I did not mean you.
And it's spelled "hoary".

Eating at Clara's.
What kind of jelly is this?
It's "petroleum".

Phil bought me a horse.
I looked it straight in the mouth.
I can't help my height

What could he have meant?
And he smelled like rotting flesh!
He was too cryptic.

Crossing my veggies.
Genetic experiments.
Envision whirled peas.

I dig Aquaman.
He's got the coolest powers.
"What do the fish think?"

I miss my old cat.
Thank God for the hot glue gun.
I srapbooked his poo.

Don't boo Ms. Clinton!
You mean, right-wing radicals!
Er... I mean... Heroes!

"Attack of the Clones"?
"I was a Teenage Jedi",
now that sounds spiffy!

Look out Microsoft!
Opera version 6 rocks!
The fat lady sings.

How to name your kids.
Jor-El used a novel source,
"Nietzche's Baby Names".

1984
Big Brother didn't happen,
but Van Halen did.

Smiley face mail bombs?
At least it beats his first try,
Mr. Yuck anthrax.

My car smells funny,
Much like strawberry preserves.
The door is ajar.

New low-fat diets,
They are just killing my sales.
Deep-fried suet balls.


Special Happy Time Wonder Fun Sonnets!!

Feeling WileE
I happened on a roadrunner one time
while I was traversing New Mexico,
and though while famished I had found that I'm
not well equipped enough to best this foe.
So, quickly to a catalogue I turned.
It was for mail orders come from ACME,
the pages filled with rocket sleds that burned,
with earthquake pills and loads of TNT,
ball bearings, magnets, and some giant springs,
a batman suit to stop me if I fall,
huge catapults and other deadly things;
I got a veritable arsenal.
So now I have a bird that's blown to bits,
I need a recipe for McNuggets.