Women
I need to talk about women. Before I go anywhere with this, let first state that the final answer for any question that does not fit with what I am going to say is this: "Women are fucking crazy." There is no other way around it. Once as a man you can finally get it through your head that women are completely and totally insane, then you won't have a corinary at 30 trying to figure them out. Women do stupid and crazy shit. This is because A: They are women, and B: Women are crazy. We can get into just how crazy they are in a bit. As for me, I live my life by a strict 18 hour rule. The rule is simple, I don't spend any more than 18 hours in any given month with any given female. This includes sleep time. This breaks down into roughly 3 6 hour sessions. This is a managable time frame and it prevents women from getting their claws a bit too far into you. I have noted that after 18 hours women fucking snap. Something in their brain breaks and they start to go insane. They get all possesive and shit. So here is how you deal with women, just acknowledge they are crazy, don't try to udnerstand it, for god's sake don't try to fucking fix it, just be like water and let it happen, because it will. Look at it like you would a crazy person. If someone who is completely insane does something insane, you just accept it. It might even piss you off but you let it roll off your back, why? Becasue they are fucking insane, just like women. I'll tell you what I hate the most, women who try to pass themselves off as sane. Women who lie that they won't get possesive, women who slither around being what they are. If you are a woman reading this and thinking "I'm not crazy, my boyfriend/husband loves me." You are the worst offender bitch. Don't ask him if you are crazy, he won't tell you the truth, I on the other hand don't care about your fucking feelings which will change 12 times today alone, (maybe 20 if chocolate is involved). The truth is, he resents it when you try to get involved with every aspect of his life. Even if you pretend to enjoy whatever it is he did before he met you. If a man had an activity with other men before he met you, and suddenly you are there now that you are a couple... guess what bitch, you're Yoko Ono. And everyone hates Yoko. Don't try and slither your way through a back door by claiming to be a highly evolved female, they don't exist. You are just trying to justify why you are smothering your man. Now guys I know this sucks. That's why I go for 18 hours, and for christs sake don't live with women. The longer you live with them, the longer your soul is slowly drained away into the land of feminism. There are things they do that we can never understand. What guy understands that boiling pot of shit Pottpurri? What guy has a clue what smelly frilly things on the wall are for? What guy has ever owned a tea cozy without the direct intervention of a woman? Guys, please stop wasting time trying to get in touch with your feminine side. Men, do NOT buy into the rhetoric, it is NOT healthy to disect every fucking hang nail of your personality. Men work in very straightforward ways to solve problems.
Man: I see a problem, I decide on a solution, I fix the problem.
Woman: I guess there might be a problem. But how would I feel if I was witnessing the problem. How would I feel if I was the problem? What would shiela do about this problem, maybe if I call her and Debbie they can tell me. Oh phooey! Maybe the problem is with me, maybe I'm not pretty enough, maybe I'm too fat. *SNIFF* *SNIFF*. I HATE the media for trying to make me into some perfect woman, I hate hate them. It's men, men do this, men like my boyfriend, they are the ones with the warped view. I shouldn't feel bad about this problem it's HIS fault!
Men, don't try to absorb the essence of being a "sensitive pony tail man." You know what makes us charming and attractive? Broad shoulders and an underdeveloped emotional capacity. Women think they can fix it, they think we need them to repair our stunted emotional development. Let them think it, god maybe it will keep them away from our hobbies. Just don't buy into it. For god's sake, be a man. Be Masculine. The word Masculine has been given a bad wrap becasue some over zealous macho bastards smacked women around and all and all acted like shits. Be masculine, the more you effeminate yourself, the less attractive you will be. I'm not saying be a dick, I'm saying be a man. Quit pretending to truly care about their feelings. You all know that when you come home and find a woman crying about whatever that the entire time they blather at you you are only thinking about food, sports, sex or sleep. How many times have you been an emotional support for a woman just in the hopes that when she quits fucking crying her eyes out, you might get a blowjob? Is this bad? FUCK NO, it masculine. Don't let women try to tell you that being a man is bad, it's not. Being a sensitive pony tail man who caters the amazonian feminazis ideal of what THEY think a man should be is shameful. Be true to youself. Now, by that token, don't expect women to behave any other way than they are designed for. Their emotional uneasiness is hard wired to give us a sense that we must protect. Then it appears like we are empathizing, sex insues and the species survives another generation. Fuck romance, it's all chemical. Romance was invented by a bunch of pasty faced dorks in the 1400's that couldn't fight, so they wrote poetry to try and woo women. Women can be distracted by Mr. Sensitive, but that never lasts. Example, in the movie Bedazzled Brendon Frasiers character gets turned into Mr. Sensitive to woo the woman of his dreams (it seems she feels she needs a Mr. Sensitive). Lo and behold within minutes of his self induced emotional bubbling fits, she ends up wth a tough guy, who as she puts it, can screw her and ignore her. Why is this funny? Because it's fucking true. Also men, don't fucking be the woman in a relationship. I know you've been programmed by every dick chopping broadzilla since the 1st grade, but if you act like a woman, she will treat you like a bitch. You cannot expect her to do both parts. Stick to your side and let her stick to hers, you'll be fucking happy.