Good Friends,
I felt you should be made aware of a few facts and observations. Please note the following:
Mr. T ate my lunch. In fact, Mr. T. ate everybody's lunch. Mr. T delivered
doughnuts to William Mercer *and* his company (true story). Now he and Gary Coleman
share an apartment for financial reasons. By "he," I mean Mr. T., not
William Mercer. Mike Tyson is an insane rapist caricature of himself.
Mike Tyson's impersonation of Daffy Duck is simply horrible. 0.4285714285714%
of the cast of Gilligan's Island is deceased, and another 0.1428571428571% is
self-absorbed. Nevertheless, Mary Ann is still a "betty." Dobie
Gillis may have owned a doberman pinscher, but this is by no means certain. I stole
the Batmobile. I captured and handcuffed cuffed Todd Bridges but did not arrive in
time to pump Dana Plato's stomach. George Peppard is deceased. Someday
scientists will grow clones of Jay Leno's chin as replacements for today's plastic chin
implants. DeForest Kelley is deceased. I would be happy to share an original
script with you, except that I've never seen one. Abe Vigoda is not deceased, but he
sorta looks like it. All new Star Trek episodes are re-runs of episodes from prior
Star Trek episodes. William Shatner's name is 0.285714285714% "shat."
Do you see a common thread forming? The numerologists will be pleased.
I do not know where Conrad Bain has gone, but I bet he's old by now. 3-5-7 is
not only a progression of odd integers, it's a firearms calibre with excellent stopping
power and an outstanding wound profile. Recipients of the gunshot wounds may have a
different opinion. Gary Coleman is 22% older than me, but I'm 40% wealthier and 71%
taller. And I've never had to dress up like an elf on the Tonight Show. Jay Leno is
an evil extraterrestrial gas station attendant. I would like a jelly doughnut. Jay Leno
has infiltrated America. Jay Leno's physical appearance is nearly identical to the
Beetleborgs' character "Flabber." If you don't believe me, run a
comparative chin evaluation. Furthermore, I think they have the same tailor. I
sold the Batmobile to a fence for $8. He sold it to Roger Clinton for a
buck-forty-five, and now it's in the front yard on cinderblocks. Ed McMahon would
kick Jay Leno's ass, even following as many as eight Budweiser station breaks. The
Budweiser draft horses are actually animatronic Clydesdales, not real ones.
Unfortunately for Sandra Bernhard, these electronic Clydesdales are incompatible
with contemporary cyberbestial teledildonic protocols. Ed McMahon sincerely wishes
he gets the chance to do his whoop-ass routine on Jay Leno, and I'd be happy to hold Leno
down while Ed goes to work on him. William Shatner has gone insane. He and
Mike Tyson now play bridge on bridges in Bridgeport, Missouri against Todd Bridges.
I do not know who their fourth is. Perhaps Omar Sharif. He also is
insane. I, of course, am also insane. But not as insane as Omar Sharif - that
requires camel ownership.
There is no substantive way that you can prove this message actually originated from the
me. Long live the internet.
Eat more bran.
UFO's are God's teacup saucers. 0.5714285714286% of the days of the week have a
"U" in them. That thread is rapidly self-fabricating an entire doily.
Don't forget to check your six (in other words, watch your back) -
Signed, your buddy,
Mike-o-matic*
* = If anybody has found a stray bottle of Lithium tablets, please notify me.
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