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Brookline Carmel Bulletin
January 8,
1961
Cogitatio Sancta
(Holy
Meditation)
It is the common teaching
of spiritual writers that we enter the path of perfection by undergoing a
‘conversion’. Obviously, this doesn’t
mean the conversion from heresy to the true faith, nor from a life of serious
sin to a life of virtue, though in rare cases these accompany it. Rather, it is the firm determination
to become a Saint at any cost.
When many of the Saints spoke of their ‘conversion’, they meant exactly
that: turning from a path leading to
mediocrity to one leading to outstanding holiness. It involves the inauguration of a ‘new’ way of life designed to
implement the firm determination.
The genesis of conversion
is not the same in everyone. In one
person it may be occasioned by some tragedy, which profoundly impresses him
with the fickleness and ephemeral quality of happiness founded upon mere
creatures. In another it may be the
cumulative effect of spiritual reading.
In still another, the fruit of a Retreat or a Novena. Conversion may also be the result of
spiritual exercises and devotions:
attendance at Mass daily, frequent reception of Holy Communion, tender
devotion to, say, the Sacred Heart or to the Blessed Virgin, the practice of
the Spiritual and corporal works of mercy, or even just plain generosity in all
things. But whatever the origin, it is
the same, psychologically, in all: a
strong and efficacious act of the will, which marshals all the forces of body
and soul and coordinates them in an organized, sustained attack upon the
desired goal.
The soul that experiences
the conversion will also find itself to be captivated by some incidental but
exceedingly desirable aspect of holiness, one which exerts a powerful
attraction upon it, and which is, in fact, largely responsible for the
conversion. Great variety is found
here, too. For example: A Saint practices all the virtues perfectly,
heroically, making him resplendent with moral beauty (a Light of revelation
to the Gentles, and the Glory of my people Israel);
a Saint enjoys a state of uninterrupted interior peace and joy, and silence,
i.e., absence of turmoil, in its appetites; a Saint enjoys perfect liberty of
spirit, untrammeled freedom (love God and do as you please!). All the
spiritual delights of Holiness are summed up in the expression, ‘juge
convivium!: eternal banquet (i.e., the
banquet of ancient Rome and the East), which, in the drawing of St. John of the
Cross, is placed at the summit of the mount of perfection. Or else, instead of viewing sanctity in
terms of personal benefits, one may see it in its relation to Jesus Christ (a
far better way): Every Saint, emptied
of self can say, “I live, now not I, but Christ lives in me”; Sanctity satisfies one’s desire to belong entirely
to Jesus Christ, to make Him a gift of every atom of our being; the soul of a
Saint ravishes the Heart of Jesus; therefore, Sanctity is the only adequate
proof of one’s love and gratitude for the love He first bestowed (and bestows)
on us. Again, Sanctity alone satisfies
one’s thirst to give souls to Jesus Christ:
one act of pure love of God, posited by a Saint, gathers them in
‘wholesale’.
It follows from this that
the mode of life one enters upon following his ‘conversion’ is largely
determined by his personal view of the accidental features of holiness. Even when, which is frequently, it induces
one to embrace the state of evangelical perfection, there remain a galaxy of
orders and congregations to choose from, each with its own specific scope.
The strength and efficacy
of the conversion enables it to produce its effects for a long time, but not
forever. And so the firm determination
must be nourished and renewed. This is
especially true when the person who has undergone it has had only a vague idea
of what it must pass through on its road to spiritual perfection, what great
things it must suffer for Jesus’ Name’s sake.
When God begins to plunge his soul now and then into dark, purifying
fire, he falls into great danger of abandoning the struggle completely. Precious and desirable as the state of
holiness seems, he wonders now if it is really worth the cost.
We may well make the acquaintance, some day, of a poor tortured soul, a would-be-saint who cannot relinquish some trifle. “Why”, we might say, “I surrendered that long ago, with scarcely a second thought. Poor, unfortunate thing!” Then suddenly God asks us to give up something we never knew we were attached to. We love it so dearly we identify ourselves with it. To give it up is tantamount to annihilation, a kind of psychic suicide. Then we begin to wonder if Sanctity is worth the price. Like the rich young man in the Gospels, we may, after making a fine, generous start, turn away at a time of spiritual crisis and become one more (alas! how many there are) monument of unrealized potential, of promise unfulfilled.
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