Second Reflection

Yesterday evening we reflected a bit upon the meaning of gift, and we saw that every gift is a favor, that every favor and gift is unmerited, that it proceeds from the love and esteem that others have for us, and that therefore every gift or favor necessarily involves another person. We also saw that God is the ultimate source of all gifts and favors, and that the only appropriate way to respond to a gift or favor is by some act of gratitude.

Again, before we go on to speak of other people as God’s gift to us, we should say something about what it is that gifts and favors say to the person who receives them, or better, what the person who gives gifts or does favors is saying to the one who receives them.

First of all, gifts themselves are often used to say thanks; they are often expressions of gratitude.

Very often a person is surprised by receiving a gift, and the person wonders why the gift was given. It usually turns out that the one getting the gift was not doing anything particularly different in his or her dealings with people, especially people that are recent acquaintances. It also usually turns out that a little note accompanies the unexpected gift, and then the recipient learns that the giver of the gift, a recent acquaintance, was so taken by the kindness and the warmth or the generosity which the recipient had accorded the giver, that the giver had to give some mark of recognition and gratitude. Of course, the giver of the gift interprets the kind treatment and the warmth and generosity as signs of reverence and respect and esteem that the recipient felt for the gift-giver. So gifts then, do offer a way of saying thanks for being treated so kindly and reverently by others, which help the giver really sense that they are persons of dignity and great worth.

Another reason why gifts are given often could also depend upon the relationship between persons who have been friends for a long time. On these occasions, usually one of the friends, by means of a gift, says to the other: “thank you for being you!” And that is why gifts are given to someone who is celebrating a birthday. It is an appropriate time for giving a gift because it commemorates the day the recipient came into the world. By means of the gift, the giver is saying to the person celebrating his or her birth date: “Knowing you, and having you as a friend has really enriched my life. I am grateful that you have shared your own time and personal talents and abilities with me.” So a birthday gift is always a sign of grateful appreciation. And we must not forget to add that a birthday is an appropriate time for giving gifts because the giver does not look for anything in return for the gift. It so happens that at Christmas time, when gifts are exchanged, someone may be selfishly thinking about getting a gift in return. But of course, that destroys the value of what is given. It no longer becomes a gift, but a kind of payment, whereas a true gift is given with no strings attached and with no expectations of a return. But in most instances, I believe that even at Christmas, gifts are given with no selfish motives. I believe that they, too, are given as a means of saying “thank you for being you.” We said yesterday that Christmas time is an appropriate time to be reflecting upon the theme of others as God’s gift to us because the child Jesus represents God’s gift to us of His very self, and that Jesus sums up in Himself every good thing we have received or ever will receive from God. We can also think of the gifts we give to others at Christmas as really being gifts to Jesus Himself. After all, He did say: “What you do unto others you do unto Me.”

When we consider more closely what a gift given at the time of a friend’s birthday has to say to that friend, we can see that really, we are considering that friend, that other, as a gift to us from God. As we said, the birthday gift says: “Thank you for being you! Thank you for enriching my life. You have been a source of joy to me. You have helped make my own life so well worth living, so rewarding.”

But really, can we actually thank a person for his or her existence, as if to say that the person had created himself or herself, and brought himself or herself into being? Of course not, as you know! So really, when, by a birthday gift we say: “Thank you for being you”, we are really thanking God for creating that person, and endowing that person with the good qualities of mind and heart that we have experienced in our friendship with them. Since there is no good thing on earth or in creation that did not have its origin from God, then when we express thanks for the goodness we find around us, especially in our friends, we are implicitly thanking God for creating that person. And in a sense, we are also implicitly thanking the parents of that friend, because they were willing to accept that friend as a son or daughter and bring him or her up to be the wonderful person we know our friend to be. Even as I say this, I am aware then, of how much all of us are supposed to be grateful to the Blessed Virgin Mary for being willing to become the Mother of Jesus, God’s perfect and all embracing gift of God to us, His human children. Without Him as our Brother and Friend, it would have been impossible for us to find any happiness in this world, which, even with Jesus among us as our Emmanuel to enrich our lives, is called a “vale of tears”. Just as we cannot thank God enough for making a gift to us of His Son, neither can we thank Mary enough for being willing to bring Him to birth for us.

Of course, we must admit that each and every one of us who receive our being from God our Creator are also, in a sense, co-creators with God as to the kind of person we turn out to be in reaching adult years and in living out our lives to the end.

We are rightly co-authors of what we are in our adult lives because we come into this world in a totally undeveloped state or condition. We are a bundle of possibilities when we are born. We are, in truth, all potential, potential that cries out for realization. So, we are free creatures once we reach the use of reason and can exercise free will, must take the credit or the blame for what it is we are in our adult years. But even here, about the only credit we can claim, if we turn out to be good people, is that we have said yes to all the people God put in our lives, also as free gifts of His to us, who have helped us to realize our potential and to develop our talents and abilities in a way that enriches the lives of others.

Of course, we must take the complete and total blame for all the bad things we have done or have become. We must however, share the credit with others, and especially with God, who constantly gives to us the gifts called actual graces with which to choose the good and practice the virtues and to do all the other good things that allow us to enrich the lives of others and be a source of joy in their lives.

Thus we see that others are indeed God’s gift to us, and since each of us is an “other” in relation to those around us, we too, can, and must intend to be God’s gift to each of them.

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