Fifth Reflection

After considering various aspects of the concepts of gift in our first two reflections in which we also considered why it is we may rightfully esteem the friends we treasure as God’s gift to us, we went on to talk about those others who are our lawful superiors as God’s gift in the third reflection, and then yesterday evening we spoke of there other categories of other people in our lives whom we may rightfully consider to be God’s gift to us, namely, those we rub elbows with daily, those who try us or vex us in some way, and finally those who are needy persons. Now we must go on to reflect upon how it is that we, personally, can become gifts of God to all others. It may not be as easy to show as I originally thought.

Of course, there is one way in which we can be a gift to others in our relationships with them, and we know what this is in a general way by remembering what we mean by a gift. As we said, or at least implied at the beginning, a gift is something we give to another with no strings attached. By that I mean, without looking for any kind of repayment from the one to whom we give the gift. Repayment, as you know, does not necessarily mean giving money in return. There are so many other ways we can seek to obtain something from another, all of them something which satisfy a need or desire that we have. Perhaps we seek something from another – recognition, companionship, a dependency or indebtedness, or some kind of submission to our control. So in order to be truly a gift in all our relationships with the others that God puts into our lives, we have to make sincere efforts not to exploit them in anyway. We must not conduct ourselves in any manner that seeks to subordinate their needs and interests to our own.

To be a gift to others, then is to look for absolutely nothing in return in our dealings with them. And this should be true not only in dealing with the friends we treasure, but with everybody, even those who vex us and cause us annoyance and pain.

Thus, in order to be a gift to everyone God puts in our lives, to be God’s gift to these folks, we have to relate to them out of charity. As you probably know, the word charity comes from the Latin word “curus” which means “dear”. Charitos, or Charity, could be translated as “dear-ness” or “precious-ness”. To be charitable to another is, first and foremost, to consider and really value this other person as very precious, as very dear to us.

One aspect of charity, esteeming another as precious and thus worthy of being treated with reverence, is that it causes sadness to see what is precious and valuable damaged or defiled in any way. We have all had the experience of owning some fragile object which we really treasure because it is either very lovely in itself and is so pleasing to behold, or which is useful to us and brings us great benefit, and then one day accidentally dropping it, or seeing it break down with continued use. We remember how sad and disappointed we felt. Because we esteem it as precious we seek to repair it, and we resolve never to be careless or violent in handling or using it. We scrupulously avoid doing it the least harm.

So we can carry that way of dealing with precious objects over into our dealings with others. If they are O.K. and in good condition, good health of mind and body and spirit, we are careful not to injure them. Particularly we are careful not to damage the life of God in them. Because that is what confers upon them immeasurable value and worth. But if the people we deal with in any way are damaged or hurting in any way, especially in regard to the life of God in their souls, then the charity we have for them moves us to remove the hurt and heal the damage to the extent it lies within our power. With regard to keeping them from being damaged in any way, and especially from being damaged in their status as God’s children by adoption, we not only avoid giving bad example, we are careful to give only good example. With regard to the hurt they may be experiencing in a psychological or emotional nature, we do the best we can to lift them out of that state of mind, and if we cannot, we are at least compassionate, and we attempt to bear their burdens with them, both by giving them strength and courage to endure because they know they are not alone, that we are with them and for them.

In view of all that, the way to be gift to the people we come into contact with daily is really to follow the admonitions of St. Paul to the Colossians which we read in the Mass of the Holy Family yesterday: Clothe yourselves with heartfelt mercy, with kindness, humility, meekness (or gentleness) and patience. Bear with one another; forgive whatever grievances you have against one another. Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you.

One other very important aspect of charity – of holding others dear and being saddened when they are damaged in anyway, is that it leads to prompt forgiveness. If we could only love others and hold them as dear and precious as God the Trinity, each Divine Person holds them, we would be saddened not so much by the fact that others offend us, as happens from time to time, but by the fact that they are hurting themselves and the life of God in them far, far more than they are offending us. Forgiveness, which we should extend immediately and forcefully, then does help the offender to repent and to seek healing from God along with His forgiveness. Not to be forgiving allows the damage to stand, and may even worsen it. As Our Lord said: Receive the Holy Spirit (that is, receive Charity), whose sins you shall forgive will be forgiven; whose sins you shall retain shall be held bound. – That is, the damage remains. Though this quote applies chiefly and primarily to the priestly power to absolve from sins, it also applies to every Christian in his or her relationships with others.

Having said all this, that this is to be done with no thought of payment in return, must we say that there is no recompense, no reward? Of course not! Nevertheless it is a recompense and reward that itself proceeds from charity, and not one that is given from outside us. It is not a tangible reward but a spiritual “what is it?” It is nothing else than the “joy” of beholding and admiring something lovely and precious. It is akin to the joy of seeing a beautiful view or sunset or a beautiful starry sky. It is like the joy derived from hearing beautiful music or beautiful and moving poetry. It is particularly like the joy a mother or father experiences looking at their beautiful child. So the reward of being gift to others by charity is the inner joy and consolation of seeing something precious and without any defect or blemish. It is the joy of loving some precious thing for its own sake, and of being able to enhance or preserve that precious quality without the least hint of self-seeking.

Well, that is one aspect of being a gift for others: giving and cherishing with no strings attached. It is not so easy to see that the charitable conduct we have been talking about is gift when we consider a gift as being something unmerited. In other words, if I “owe” someone something, if someone “deserves” to be dealt with in the manner we have described, i.e., holding dear and cherishing, and relating to that someone as St Paul has admonished, then how can it be a gift? Because, in truth, we do owe it to every other to acknowledge the truth that he or she is the image and likeness of God, and with Christians, that they are Children of God. If we were to relate to people in any other way than the manner St. Paul describes, we would be denying them their due. So how then, from that point of view, is it possible to be gift in the lives of those we meet and associate with every day?

I am not sure that I know the answer but perhaps the dilemma can be resolved by thinking that we owe it to ourselves, also considered as being in the image and likeness of God and His Children by Adoption. Thus, I owe it to myself to preserve the integrity and the truth of my own being. Or better yet, we owe it to God, who gave us our humanity, to preserve it unto everlasting life, and the surest way of doing that is to be gift to all others, to deal with all others out of charity.

Having said that, we see how it is possible to experience suffering and joy at the same time. We can understand, at least intellectually that the more we suffer for love, the greater and more intense and profound the joy we experience. When we truly want to repair something we treasure immensely that has been broken, we don’t count the cost. So neither did Jesus count the cost when He had to endure the cross and the grave in order to restore in us the image of God and a share in God’s life. Let us ask Our Lord to give us such a tremendous share of His love for people, that we too, would suffer anything rather than see people damage their souls. In effect, we are asking for a happiness that exceeds all understanding.

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