Last 200 Blonde Jokes


201. Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher
learning?
A: A visitor.
202. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
203. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
204. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
205. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.
206. Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
207. Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
208. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
209. Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
210. Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
211. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
212. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
213. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
A2: I don't know.
R: Neither did she.
214. Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the
air?
A: She missed.
215. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to
see where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her.
216. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when
she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for
a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an
drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
"CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight
miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
217. How about the suicide blonde,
she dyed by her own hand.
218. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The
brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The
blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
219. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving
the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the
people were leaving.
220. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
"Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
"Driver's licence? What's that?..."
"It's a little card with your picture on it."
"Oh, duh! Here it is..."
"May I have your car insurance?"
"What's that?..."
"It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
"Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."
The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde
exclaims:
"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"
221. Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron,"
then we could do without the ironing lady.
Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to F*ck me properly we could
do without the gardener.
222. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
223. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One
of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing
a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and
we all fell and hurt ourselves.
224. What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was...
225. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette,
a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the
mainlandand estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced,
"I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles,
and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she
was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if
she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than
stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had
a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she
even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she
drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made
it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5
miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was
just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So
she swam back.
226. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when
the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you
pull you finger out, I'll sink?"
227. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked
down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde
looks and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguig, and
one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
228. The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked
what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her.
Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her
about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can
f*ck and suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook."
229. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the
door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting
to rain and the top is down!
230. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe
a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly
over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or
that would've hit me right in the face!!!"
Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly."
231. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the
Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come
into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry
he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said
Saint Peter
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks
with me!
Andy tells me..."
232. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked
out a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and
found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...
233. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
234. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked
the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
235. A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun
- they just don't remember who with.
236. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when
they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver
blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes
like that that give us a bad name!" To this the other blonde replied
"I know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown
her."
237. ... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant
with the slogan "Billions Served - just today"
238. Q. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day.
A. She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't find
her pencil.
239. Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
240. Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
241. Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.
242. Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.
243. Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
244. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
245. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing
board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
246. Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
247. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
248. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
249. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
250. Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless
Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
251. Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
252. Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
253. Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during
parades.
254. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
255. Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)
256. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
257. Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.
258. Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and
a skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.
259. Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes
and a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
260. Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
261. Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
262. Q: Why don't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she
stands?
A: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.
263. Q: What's the difference between having sex with a blonde
and eating Jell-o?
A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
264. Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't
stop until it gets blood.
265. Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
A: She was having sunny periods.
266. Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
267. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.
268. Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.
269. Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
270. Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
271. Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
272. Q: How do ya paralyze a blonde from the neck down?
A: Marry her.
273. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
274. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
275. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
276. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
277. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
278. Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde
with PMS?
A: Lipstick.
279. Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.
280. Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.
281. Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
282. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and
a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
283. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
284. Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.
285. Q: Why do blondes wear tampons?
A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.
286. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.
287. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
288. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
289. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
290. Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: A brunette with bad breath.
291. Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
292. Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
293. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air bubbles.
294. Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde
standing on a street corner?
A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!
295. Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.
296. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
297. Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
298. Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks,
four bucks.
299. Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
300. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.
301. Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
302. Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
A: They both got f*ck*d by 10 men whilst on holiday.
Q2: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.
303. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
304. Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.
305. Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
306. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said
"DON'T WALK".
307. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
308. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
309. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
A: Because she loved children.
310. Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge,
who would die first?
A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to
stop and ask for directions.
311. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
312. What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: Third Grade.
313. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of
it.
314. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
315. Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
316. Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
317. Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
318. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're f*ck*d.
319. Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?:
"Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
320. Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
321. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her
arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
322. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should
cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
323. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
324. Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back
seat.
325. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents
occur around the home?
A: She moved.
326. Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
327. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
328. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her
husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
329. I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
330. A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her
job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor
wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled
out
"GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter
she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked
to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said
she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote
this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE
UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green
side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew
of blondes laying sod across the street.
331. Did you hear about the blonde who:
1 had more on her body than on her mind?
2 was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient
in the bean?
3 took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
4 got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant"
sign up?
5 was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
6 7 had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
8 thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
9 was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have
a crazy cat?
10 after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get
taller girls?
11 went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
12 brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
332. Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the
arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I
just know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was
on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to
be a boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says,
"Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"
333. There were three women who were at the gynecologist having
pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position
was the baby concieved ?"
"He was on top ", she replyed.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.
"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....
334. Blondes...
They take a lickin', and keep on...
Lickin!
335. Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love
handles" referred to her ears?
336. Confucious say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
337. At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas
coming out at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes
off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes latter,
she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my
car phone!"
338. This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno
shop. His boss comes out and tell him that he has to leave for a while,
and "can you handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but
with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees.
A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she
can practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How
much for a box of rubbers?"
"They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax."
"Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."
339. Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant
display and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my
husband."
"Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk.
"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
340. Another blonde in the porno shop:
She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black
one before."
She pays him, and off she goes.
A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much
for the black dildo?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never
had a white one before..."
She pays him, and off she goes.
About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How
much are your dildos?"
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid
one, I've never had a plaid one before...."
She pays him, and off she goes.
Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do
while I was gone?"
To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold
one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
341. After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex
with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for
some food to replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass
of milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is
still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just
then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how
you refilled those."
342. Blonde Medical Terminology
Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coathook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small tablet
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumour -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited
343. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little
packet.
344. Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A: Blow in her ear.
345. Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: To keep her ankles warm.
A2: To keep her neck warm
346. Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what
she did with her cigarette.
347. Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!
348. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: By the chipped tooth.
349. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
350. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
352. Why does a blonds bra say T.G.I.F?
Tits go in first.
352. Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
353. Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on
a motorcycle?
A: Rebel without a clue.
354. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE WITH A RUNNY NOSE?
A: Full.
355. Imitation of a blonde refuelling..
(Flap hand, blowing air into ears)
356. Q: WHY DON'T BLONDES BREASTFEED THEIR BABIES?
A: It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.
357. Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you
sexually active?"
A: "No, I just lie there."
358. Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
A: "Thanks, guys..."
359. Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL 10 BLONDES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POOL?
A: AIR POCKETs.
360. Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
361 Q: What did Jimmy Swaggart pay for his prostitute
and her four blonde friends?
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four
bucks.
362. Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs
brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
363. Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire
Bengals team?
A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.
364. Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
365. Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
A: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.
366. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refriderator cold.
367. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the
Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.
368 Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.
369. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
370. Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
371 Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
A2: Their mothers told them not with there mouths full.
372 Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence
gone?
A: Divorced.
373 Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
A: Divorced.
374. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette
said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head
and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively,
"How do you give shoulders?"
375. Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage?
Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.
376. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the
blow dryer!
377. Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
378 Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
379. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said
when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
380. Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes with yeast infections?
A: A wine and cheese party!
381. Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence ?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!
382. (Visual Joke)
Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the
first time?
A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking
off motions)
383. Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
384. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
385. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
386. Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-f*ck*ng
a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .
387. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?
388. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...
389 Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
390 Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
391 Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
392 A: Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing
school?
She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform
the Hymenlick Manuever.
393 Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
394 Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
395. STATE OF OHIO
DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE
451 HIGH STREET
George Voinovich COLUMBUS, OH 43210 Ralph G. Pacheco
Governor Phone (614) 445-8627 Director
FAX (614) 445-3225
BULLETIN NO. 91-92
------------------
DATE: January 7, 1992
TO: All Ohio Insurance Agents
FROM: Ohio Department of Insurance
SUBJECT: Automobile Dimmer Switches
Pursuant to the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles Act No. 97-12,
all motor vehicles sold in the State of Ohio after February 15, 1992, will
be required to have the headlight dimmer switch mounted to the floorboard.
The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by
pressing the switch by the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed
from the left foot pedals to avoid inadvertent operation or pedal confusion.
Included in the above act and beginning June 1, 1992, all other
vehicles with steering column mounted dimmer switches must be retrofitted
with a floorboard mounted dimmer switch of the type described above.
The steering column mounted dimmer switch must be disabled or removed from
the vehicle.
Vehicles which have not made this change will fail the forthcoming
Ohio Safety Inspection program which will begin on this date.
It is recognized that this will cause some hardship for the driving
public.
However, this change is being made in the interest of public safety.
Ohio DMV Act 92-13 will revert all Ohio motor vehicles to the prevalent
dimmer system in use prior to the influx of foreign market vehicles.
A recent study entitled the "Inflation Sequence in Ohio Nightime Highway
Traffic Accidents" was conducted jointly by the Ohio Department of
Motor Vehicles and the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicle Research. It has shown
that 96% of all Ohio nightime highway accidents are caused by a blonde
getting her foot caught in the steering wheel........
396 A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps
out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency
cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and
yells
"Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
397. Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant?
A: She sneezes. 

First 200 Blonde Jokes

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