One of my favorite games is "If I Were Mayor". It has one player: me. Naturally, it's lots of fun—because I always win.
But I don't mean to be selfish. You can play too. Would you like to give it a try?
The rules are simple. You are the Mayor and Supreme Ruler of your city or town. (If you’re a county resident, you get to be Mayor of the nearest town. Or just pick your favorite local municipality: Asheville, Woodfin, Weaverville, Mars Hill, Marshall, Hendersonville, Waynesville, Canton, Black Mountain—whichever you like. It really doesn’t matter.) Your subjects are adoring and fanatically loyal, so they obey your every whim without question. You get to set all policies—including the structure of government, the laws of the city, the legal and enforcement systems, and so forth. What’s more, your domain extends beyond the city into the surrounding county, where you can do anything you like. It's all up to you.
Of course this is far more power than any real mayor has. But so what? It’s only a game.
OK, it's your turn. Go!
Oh, you say. But I've never run a city. I don't have any experience in this sort of thing. I've never given it any thought. I would have no idea what to do.
Well, I say. If you won't play, then I will. Here goes!
I pick Asheville, since it’s not far from me. If my rules are not to your liking, feel free to take over the city and run it any way you wish.
(I want to make it clear before I begin that this is in no way a criticism of Mayor Sitnick. She is doing an excellent job, considering the real-world constraints of the position.)
Rule 1: Anyone caught littering will be immediately sentenced to spend one whole day picking up litter. Repeat offenders will be sentenced to one week.
Rule 2: Asheville is hereby declared a no-smoking city. Smoking is banned in the entire city—including all parks, public buildings, private companies, and restaurants.
Rule 3: An Urban Growth Boundary (UGB) will be placed around the perimeter of Asheville. All new construction must take place inside this boundary. The purpose of the UGB is to encourage compact and planned development, as opposed to the urban sprawl we have going on here now. Of course, this means that all annexation plans are cancelled.
Rule 4: The entire downtown area will become a car-free zone. This area includes everything south of Interstate 240, west of Charlotte Street, and north of Hilliard Avenue. Pedestrians will be able to stroll and shop in peace, unimpeded by traffic, noise, and exhaust.
Rule 5: To facilitate Rule 4, the Asheville Transit Authority will be greatly expanded. The frequency of all routes will be increased to provide 5-minute service. New routes will be added throughout the city, offering stops within 5 minutes’ walk of anywhere.
Rule 6: All city employees will be given a copy of the computer simulation program SimCity. They will be offered training in the use of the program, and encouraged to use it frequently. Suggestions based on running the program will be the topic of regular monthly meetings.
Rule 7: All major new and pending infrastructure projects are hereby cancelled. This includes the I-26 extension. Such projects may be considered again only after all existing infrastructure, including our aging water system, is repaired and updated.
Rule 8: The primary consideration in matters of economic development will be: how green is it? This refers not to the usual green of corporate dollars, but to the color of our mountains, and lakes, and skies. In other words, will a new business be environmentally benign? Will it generate minimal pollution? Will it be sustainable long-term?
Rule 9: Cruelty to animals is strictly prohibited. This specifically includes hunting, which is deemed to be a barbaric act better suited to troglodytes. Farm animals may be kept for production of milk, eggs, honey, and the like—but only if treated humanely. All domestic animals must be provided with sufficient food and water, and space to exercise. Vegetarianism will be strongly encouraged.
Rule 10: All pesticides are banned. There will be absolutely no exceptions.
OK, that's it. Nothing you couldn't sneak past Asheville City Council if you got them drunk enough.
Stupid rules, you say? Crazy, naïve, irresponsible, and unworkable to boot?
Well, maybe not. In fact, many of these ideas are already being successfully employed in cities across the country. Portland, Oregon has had a UGB since 1974, and it is consistently rated as one of the most desirable cities in the country. 18 cities in California have UGBs. Orlando, Miami and other Florida cities recently implemented UGBs as part of their Sustainable Communities Designation Agreement.
Regarding bans on cars and smoking: many cities have streets where traffic is not allowed, including Boston, Aspen, Sacramento, Burlington, and Boulder. Hundreds of cities have smoking bans in public buildings. The town of Sharon, MA is entirely smoke-free. (Even whole states have banned smoking, including Vermont, California, Maryland, and Utah.) These and many other cities have reaped the benefit of intelligent design and policy.
Yes, I know. That’s fine for them, you say, but it would never work here. Asheville is a unique city, with its mountainous terrain and rich agricultural history. We have ways of doing things here that work just fine for us.
OK, you're right. I yield.
Your turn!