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"stay single and eat a lot of pizza" a wise turtle once told me many moons ago. Ever since thet day I's been single an' alls I etts is pizzas. Tru sto'y. Later i larned thet thar was a man in thet turtle hide. He's 37 years old now and yes, he still lives in his momma's basement. He is my hero, besides Geo'ge Dubya thet is. He taught me all thar is to know about the way of the turtle. This hyar is mah sto'y, mah struggle as a Redneck Mutant Ninja Turtle... The mutant part came abouts fum all dat booze I
done ingested. |
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I have trained fo' countless minutes... |
... ah cain't count, durnit! |
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less jest say thet sewer ain't "sanitary" nomo'e |
mah secret hideout, no gals allow'd |
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constantly shootin', constanly drinkin'... or is it the other way around? |
when will thems childrens larn t'stay off mah propuhty! |
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"Hi, i'm Jack Daniel and I support Turtle Power" |
pine mulch pellows, i swears by 'em |
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i's never heard of no Nun named Chuck |
In a drunken rage ah ass-paper'd mah own tree farm |
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a turtle gotta eat... |
...thass why i shoot ennythang thet moves |