My Tori

Transcendence of pain into beauty. The one small being standing at the foot of a mountain and trying to push it. A small child with glowing eyes hiding in the corner of a dim lit room and dressed in tattered rags. These are a few of the things I think of when someone says Tori.

Tori to me is not just a word or name. To me, the word has become a type of adjective. When someone asks me to tell them who Tori is, my tongue just knots up and all the wrong interpretations for the music come out. I just do not have the words to describe the taunting music that this banshee sings to me when I need her to lull me to sleep.

I wish that I could understand everything Tori has been and is, but I do not. I just accept her for what she is and that is all I or anyone else can ask of her.

I first heard Tori when I when I was in college. A friend of mine had his Little Earthquakes' CD and I decided to listen to it. I was enchanted by the song Crucify where the word "chains" rippled through the music.

Later that day, a friend of mine let me borrow the CD. Believe it or not, I did not think that Tori was very attractive which places me with all the other type of peers at High School that would not give Tori the chance. After listening to what Tori was saying and not so much how she appeared to me, I felt like a jerk.

Well. Enough of this. Back to the music.

The real song that took me away was Silent All These Years. About a month later, I saw a new album out, Under the Pink and I have not let her go since.

Sometimes, I think she falls on to me like a drug and I do not know if I can get enough of her. She falls upon me into a type of euphoria. Funny. I see all these people rising from the ashes and speaking how Tori has influenced their lives. Now I am telling my little tale. I just hope people are not like that kid in Precious Things. So many people are just grabbing the beauty without seeing the pain that made it possible.

Updated August 1997

Tori Birthday reflection: August 22, 1997

Tori's Birthday passed by. The 34 year old little girl hasn't aged a day in my eyes. When I listen to her music, I find the same girl when she came out of her shell. Maybe there is more to it, but I am still growing on her. I suppose we are all still growing and learning more about her everyday. When I finish a busy day at work and I just want to take a moment to find who I really am, I step out of the building, walk a few paces, and I look up at the sky. I find that somewhere buried in the floating clouds is the real me. This is a place I have created for myself, so that I can remember who I am. I am sure Tori fans can relate to me. You get so busy in everything you do that you do not have the time to take a breath. I used to have the time until I started working this year (graduated from Grad School). Anyway, I think I am handling events in my life better than when this year started. I usually make it a point on weekends to go to the local university and play on the piano. I have several piano books (just no personal piano) and I find I rediscover myself under the ivory plated keys. And, sometimes. Sometimes, I discover new things about myself. Anyway this is my little reflection of Tori and 1997.

:)

Another year pierces around the corner of our eye with new life experiences and expectations to come.

Sweet dreams, dew drops.

"Drops of Ivory",since July 1997