It's Diva-geddon!
One fine night in a bar somewhere, we got into an alcohol-fueled discussion of the term "boogie" as it applies to rock and roll. For example, ZZ Top boogies, but Hall and Oates do not. REO Speedwagon boogies occasionally, but Styx does not, ever. As great as he is, Elton John does not boogie, because English performers don't generally boogie, unless they are Foghat or Savoy Brown. (What about Eric Clapton, you ask? Clapton boogies when he is playing blues-based music, but not on most of his hit singles, except maybe "After Midnight.") And so on. Bottom line: Certain people boogie and certain people don't, and if you have to ask why, you'll never know.

So it is with the word "diva," I am convinced. VH1 held its annual Divas Live show last night. Over the history of this show, some of the divas have been divas, and some have not. Aretha Franklin, for example, is a diva. Shania Twain is not. From last night's show, Gladys Knight and Patti Labelle qualify as divas--but Jessica Simpson and Joss Stone do not. Joss Stone has one of the most incredible voices you'll ever hear, and could be a diva someday--but she just turned 17. You cannot be a diva if you are only 17. (Although you can boogie at that age, like blues musicians Johnny Lang and Charlie Sexton did--except Joss can't, because she's English.) As for Simpson, I had to ask my wife just why she is famous. Was she a singer, actress, or what? Did she sleep with somebody famous or infamous? (Don't laugh--that sex tape was the best career move Paris Hilton ever made.) So diva-hood may also have to do with your ability to get publicity. Longevity also can do it. Apparently, you can to be a diva on VH1 if you ever have been famous, even if you're not famous now--which explains Debbie Harry and Cyndi Lauper last night, who are 25 and 20 years removed, respectively, from their prime hit-making years. [4/19/04]