Blond Jokes
Updated on 6/17/03



A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee a sits down to drink it. She looks on the side of her cup and finds a peel off prize ticket. She pulls off the tab and yells, "I WON! I WON! I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!"

The waitress runs over and says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!"

The blonde replies, "No. I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!"

By this time the manager makes his way over to the table and says, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home, because we didn't have that as a prize!"

Again the blonde says, "No, you made a mistake, I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!"

The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL." Three blondes died and are at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.

St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful."

"Wrong!", replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?"

The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes. "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St. Peter incredulously. "Of course. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus was ready to complete his ministry on earth and ate his last supper, the Passover meal, with his disciples. After that evening, he was betrayed and turned over to a Jewish mob by one of those disciples. After a trial, the Romans tortured him, made him wear a crown of thorns, took him to be crucified and then he was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. Finally, he was stabbed in the side to make sure he was dead. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.

The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter." What's the difference between blondes and the Bermuda triangle?
Blondes swallow more seamen.

Blond Inventions

The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Mechanical Pencil sharpeners
Powdered water
Pedal-powered wheel chairs
Waterproof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
See-through toilet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do-it-yourself road map
Phallic Jell-O molds
Turnip ice cream
Toe implants
An all white flag
Rolls Royce pickup truck Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath the boat. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer. True Story right from the Associated Press:

Linda Burnett, 23, was visiting her in-laws. While there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up, her eyes closed, and both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked, and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She had initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour-until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And, yes, Linda is a blonde. A state trooper notices a car on the road up ahead, weaving back and fourth across the center line. When he pulls it over, a beautiful blonde woman gets out. She is clearly under the influence; but just to make sure, he gives her a breathalyzer test. Sure enough, she's over the limit.

"Madam," the trooper says, "you've had a couple of stiff ones!"

"Oh," replies the shocked blonde, "it shows that too?" A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.

"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"

After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."

They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.

Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."

The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"

The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!" A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When it was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature".

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?

She thought for some time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" "These two blondes walk into a building.
You'd think one of them would have seen it." When the surgeon came to see his young blond female patient on the day after her operation, she was slightly embarrassed. So the doctor asked her. "What's wrong?"

"Well this is a bit embarrassing for me, but just how long will it be before I can resume my normal sex life?

"Uh" stammered the doctor, as he thought pensively. "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it." replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first patient to ever ask me that after a tonsillectomy." Cheryl a blonde, just got out of the tanning salon. She was getting pretty desperate for money so she decided to go to a nice, affluent neighbourhood and look for odd jobs as a handywoman.

The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Cheryl, "Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"

"Sure, that sounds great!" said Cheryl.

"Well, uh, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.

"Is fifty bucks all right?" Cheryl asked.

"Yeah, that's great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage." The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.

"Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.

"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.

An hour later, Cheryl knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner.

The man was amazed, "You painted the whole porch?"

"Yeah," Cheryl replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!"

The man reached into his wallet to pay Cheryl.

"Oh, by the way," said Cheryl, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are all in the waiting room of a doctor's office.They are all pregnant

Brunette "I think mine is going to be a boy"

Blonde "Why"

Brunette "Cause I was on top"

Redhead "Mine will be a girl cause I was on the bottom"

Blonde "Oh my?.I'm going to have a puppy!!!!" A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?"

"The jerk called back." A blonde gets on an airplane to the Bahamas and sits in first class. The stewardess looks at her ticket and politely asks her to move to coach.

The blonde replies, "No, I'm beautiful and blonde and I don't have to move."

Another stewardess comes along and tells her she must move.Again she replies, "No, I'm beautiful and blonde and I won't move."

One of the stewardesses goes and gets the captain.After trying to reason with the blonde (a doomed maneuver from the outset), he leans down and whispers in her ear.

The blonde gets up quietly and moves back to the cheap seats.The stewardesses are amazed."What did you say to her?" they ask.

The captain replies, "I told her that first class doesn't go to the Bahamas." Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: " OOOOOhhh that looks like semen." She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says "It feels like semen."

The redhead reaches out and touches it with her fingers, smells it, and says "It smells like semen."

The blonde reaches out and touches it with her fingers and then puts her fingers in her mouth a moment and says, "It doesn't taste like anyone in this building?" Four housewives took up golf, but after a year the blonde still could not hit the ball worth a damn, so she decided to take lessons. The Pro watched her for a few balls and told her she was holding the club all wrong. "Hold it like you hold your husband's penis," he says.

She proceeds to hit the ball 375 yards straight as an arrow. "I've never seen anything like that in my life," says the pro.

"You mean you never saw a woman hit the ball 375 yards?"

"Not holding the club in her mouth," says the pro. A blonde woman strode angrily into the large store and slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.

The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"

The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that 'Pussy Treats' are meant for 'cats'?" A blonde's house is somehow set on fire so she runs outside to use a pay phone to call for help.

She gets the 911 operator, and is transferred to the firehouse.

"Mr. Fireman, my house is on fire. You have to help me!"

The Fireman replies, "Yes, yes Miss. And how do I find your house?"

The blonde pauses a moment, and replies, "Umm, it's the house that's on fire. You'll see the big red flames."

Realizing now that he's talking to a blonde, the fireman replies, "No Miss. You don't understand. How do I get to your house?"

Reacting with frustration, she says, "DUH, in your big red truck! " Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven't bagged any. One huntress looks at the other and says, "I just don't understand it-- why aren't we getting any ducks?"

Her friend says, "I keep telling you, I just don't think we're throwing the dog high enough." Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said " Look at that dog with one eye!"

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where?" The popular blonde cheerleader bounced into the local card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk. "Do you have any, like, real special birthday cards?" she asked.

"Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's a new one inscribed, 'To the Boy Who Got My Cherry.'"

"Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole box!" A drunken blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, "Gimme a beer."

The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?"

To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your pecker?" A blonde & brunette are in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets on who is perfect. Armani suit, great build, nice butt, but the bad part is they both noticed he had dandruff. The man got off on the 5th floor.

Once the doors closed the brunette turned to the blonde and said, " Someone should give him Head & Shoulders."

The blonde reflected on this for a moment and replied, "How do you give Shoulders?" The bank robbers arrived just before closing and promptly ordered the few remaining depositors, the tellers, clerks, and guards to disrobe and lie face down on the floor, behind the counter. One nervous blonde pulled off all her clothes and lay down on the floor facing upwards.

"Turn over, Cindy," whispered the girl lying beside her "This is a stick-up, not an office party!" Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves. Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well,if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!" Three women escape from prison....one is a redhead, one a brunette, and a blonde. They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage.

About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. The sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw. The deputy told him just three gunnysacks.

The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it......and she went " Bow-wow" so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one.

Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went "Meow." The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one.

Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again and the blonde said "Potatoes." This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on.

She replies that she was reading the directions the paint can and they said, for best results, put on two coats. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a pit bull?
Your last blow job....ever! A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde Flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated shouts out, "Dang it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either! Three women all work in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they'd be right behind her. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy happy happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!!! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day, at coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them.

"NO WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!" Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit their ball anyway. When they walked to the green, they discovered one about three feet from the cup, while the other somehow had gone directly in.BR>
They tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since they were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide, they returned to the Club House and asked the golf pro for a ruling.BR>
After hearing their story and congratulating them both on their superb shots under such adverse conditions he asked, "OK, so which one of you was playing the yellow ball?"BR>
A blond woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What is that?"

The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."

The blond then asks, "What does it do?"

The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So she buys one.

The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss, also a blond, asks, "What is that shiny object?"

She replies "It's a thermos."

He asks, "What does it do?"

She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

He then asks, "What do you have in there?"

"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle." A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly.

As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!" A blonde a brunnette and a red head all tried out for the same job as road stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever painted the most would get the job.

At the end of the first day the red head had painted 3 miles the bruenette had painted 2.5 miles and the blonde had painted 10 miles.

The boss was so exited he told her to keep it up and the job was hers.

The next day the red head painted 5 miles and the bruenette 5.6 miles and the blonde 4 miles he told her not to worry she still have a good lead.

So, on the third day the red hed had painted 6 miles the bruenette 5 miles and the blond only one mile.

The boss was so disappointed, he asked the blonde, "What went wrong, you were doing so good".

She said, "Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away". A blond goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift.

"Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow-up."

"Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't want to have to come back."

The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear."

"That's what I want!" exclaims the blond. "Let's do that."

Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office.

"Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks.

"Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever made."

"What's wrong?" asks the doctor.

"Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers.

"Lady," the doctor reports, "those aren't bags, those are your boobs, and if you don't leave that screw alone, you're going to have a beard!" An blond goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The airhead counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The blond bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Mandy!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "What were you doing when I asked you your name?"

"Ohhhh, that!" replies the blond," I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....' ". A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why, officer?"

"Because your breast is hanging out."

She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!" Three blondes are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first blonde, "What is three times three?"

"274" was her reply.

The doctor says to the second blonde, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday", replies the second blonde.

The doctor shakes his head and says to the third blonde, "Okay, it's your turn. What's three times three"?

"Nine", says the third blonde.

"That's great!" says the doctor.

"How did you get that"?

"Simple," says the third blonde. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday." A blonde, a brunette and a redhead apply for a position at a large company.

First the brunette goes in. The guy looks over her application and asks her one question: "How many D's are there in 'Bonanza'?"

The brunette replies, "None."

The guy says, "OK, you may go into the next room for the next stage of the interviewing process."

The redhead goes in next. The guy asks her the same question: "How many D's are in 'Bonanza'?"

She replies, "None."

The guy says, "OK, you may go into the next room."

The blonde goes in and he asks the same question: "How many D's are in 'Bonanza'?"

After counting on her fingers for a few minutes the blonde replies: "77."

The guy, in shock, asks her how she came up with 77.

She says: "Dun da da dun dun da dun dun da da" (the Bonanza theme)... A blond is driving the wrong way down a one-way street late at night.

There is a cop sitting across the street, and he sees this, so he pulls her over. He walks up to the window and bends down to ask for her driver's license.

She looks at him stupidly and says, "Driver's license? What's that??"

He tells her "It's the little rectangular thing with your picture on it, that says you can drive a car."

"OH DUH!!! OK... Here ya go!"

He looks at it and then asks if he can see her proof of insurance.

She looks at him, even more confused than before, and says, "Insurance? What's that?"

He rolls his eyes and tells her, "It's the little piece of paper that says if you have a wreck, that someone is going to pay for the damage."

"OH DUH!!! OK... I know what that is now... Here ya go!"

He starts thinking how dumb this woman is, and glances around to see if anyone else is around or might see what's going on, but no one is, so he unzip his pants, and pulls out his dick.

She looks at him, looks at it, and exclaims, "OH NO! Not another breathalyzer test!" Seems that 3 blonde party girls sat down at the bar.
The first blonde tells the bartender, "I'll have a BM".
The bartender taken back asks, "A what?"
She says, "A Bloody Mary, Duh."
The second blonde tells the bar tender, "I'll have a JC."
Again, the bartender asks, "What is a JC?"
She responds, smacking her lips, "A Jack Daniels and Coke, Duh!"
The third blonde, asks the bartender for a "fifteen". The bartender is really puzzled now and asks her what this means.
The third blonde shakes her head and says, "Of course, its a seven and seven, Duh!" A blonde and her girlfriend went to the beach for the day.

As they wandered up and down the shoreline in their bikinis the girlfriend began to notice that the blonde seemed to be having some difficulty walking.

The girlfriend finally said, "Did you hurt your leg or something? You're walking very strangely."

The blonde replied, "I have a big date tonight and I've got curlers in my hair." A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!" Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open,but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down." Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blond said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them. A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm WINNING ??!!??" There are three blonde women stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.

The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge. There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoohoo" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river, then shouts back,

"You ARE on the other side." A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms." What do you call a blond with pigtails?
A blowjob with handles

What do blondes have in common with peanut butter?
They both spread really easily!

How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
The joystick is wet.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A Golden labrador.

Do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted!

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.

Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes go in first.

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
Her ankles.

What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
"Have another beer."

What do Blondes say after sex?
1: Thanks Guys.
2: Are you boys all in the same band?
3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.

How do you brainwash a blonde?
Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear.
Buy her another beer.

How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

How do you get a blonde pregnant?
Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she's pregnant.

What will she ask you?
"Is it mine?"

How does a blonde kill a fish?
She drowns it.

How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

How does a blonde hold her liquor?
By the ears.

How does a blonde moonwalk?
She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
The rest are hunt'n peckers.

What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
An air bag.

Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.

Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
It's too hard to re-train them.

What do blondes do for foreplay?
Remove their underwear.

What's the mating call of the blonde?
"I'm *sooo* drunk!"

What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
(Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

What's the mating call of the brunette?
"All the blondes have gone home!"

What's the mating call of the redhead?
"Next!"

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
Because it said 'concentrate'.

Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
They don't know the route.

Why do blondes work seven days a week?
So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

What is foreplay for a blonde?
Thirty minutes of begging.

What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
You need a quarter to use the phone.
Only one person can use the phone at once.

What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

How does a blonde commit suicide?
She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

How do you plant dope?
Bury a blonde.

Why did god give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

How does a blonde get pregnant?
And I thought blondes were dumb!

How does a blonde part their hair?
By doing the splits.

How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
She drops her nail-file!
She says, "Next".
The next person in the line taps you on the shoulder.
I mean, who really cares?
The batteries have run out.

Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
(With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

How do you drown a blond?
Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
Don't tell her to swallow.
Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

How does a blonde high-5?
She smacks herself in the forehead.

How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.

What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A know-it-all bitch.

What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
One's a phony buck.

What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
One that never misses a period.

What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
An Italian suppository.

Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.

What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o?
Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.

Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
She was having sunny periods.

What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
Her feet!

How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
When she farts, her knees bag.

What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
Marriage.

How is a blonde like a frying pan?
You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A 69 interrupted by a period.

How do you describe the perfect blonde?
3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't. They're born that way.

Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.

What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
Way to go team!

Why do blondes have vaginas?
So guys will talk to them at parties.

What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
Full.

What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
"No, I just lie there."

What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
"Thanks, guys..."

What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
"Space. The final frontier......"

What's brown and red and black and blue?
A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.

Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
One.

Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.

What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
Divorced.

What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
Divorced.

How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off a cliff.

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.

How did the blonde die drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.

How did the blonde burn her nose?
Bobbing for french fries.

How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.

How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
There's writing on the white-out.

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.

How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
By the buckle print on her forehead.

How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
She has a checkbook.

How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.

How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
The blonde has the higher sperm count.

What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team?
The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde?
He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.

What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says "Are you done already?"
The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
Your job still sucks after 6 months.

What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says,"Any-cock'll-doooo."

What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
Not everybody has been in a limo.

What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.
You don't eat your bowling ball

What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
Lipstick.

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.

Why is a blonde like a turtle?
They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.

Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
They're doing research on black holes.

Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

Why do men like blonde jokes??
Because they can understand them.

Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
From eating with forks.

Why do blondes have more fun?
Because they don't know any better.
They are easier to keep amused.

Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

Why do blondes have legs?
So they don't get stuck to the ground.
To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.

Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.

Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
*Who cares?*

Why do blondes have periods?
They deserve them

Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
From dating blonde men.

Why do blondes wear tampons?
Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.

Why do blondes drive VW's
Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
To cover up the valve stem.

Why do blondes have square boobs?
Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Why do Blondes take the pill?
So they know what day of the week it is.

But why do brunettes take the pill ?
Wishful Thinking.

Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
Tits go in front.

Why do blondes like tilt steering?
More head room.

Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
More leg room.

Why do blondes have orgasms ?
So they know when to stop having sex !

Why do blondes wear underwear?
They make good ankle warmers.

Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Because red means stop.

Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Why don't blondes double recipes?
The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
They can't remember the number.
She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.

Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
Cause their balls show!

Why don't blondes breast feed?
Because they always burn their nipples.

Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Because they can't get their head in the jar.

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Introduces themselves.
Walks home.

What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
Bucket seats.

What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?
Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
"What's a lightbulb?"
One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

What's a blonde's favorite wine?
"Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"

What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747

What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A brunette with bad breath.

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
Her IQ goes up!

What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted.

Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.

What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits!"

What does a blonde make best for dinner?
Reservations.

What do blondes do with their assholes in the morning?
Pack their lunch and send them to work.

What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
They both get easier to pick-up with age.

What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
They both have a black box.
Both have a cockpit.

What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.

What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
"Thanks for the refill!"

What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
They pull up their pants.

What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
Last years hide and go seek winner.

What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A whine cellar.

What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
Air bubbles.

What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
A whine and cheese party!

What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A waste.

What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
An air mattress.

What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
An Air Bag.

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.

What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.

What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
Divorcee'

What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A visitor.

What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
All you can eat, under a buck.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.

What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
Sweet Fuck All...

What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A Space Invader.

What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
Branch Manager.

What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
The back of her head.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...

What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.

What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.

Why did the blonde cross the road?
Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?

Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.

Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
Because she loved children.

Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ??
She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.

Why did they call the blond Twinkie?
She liked to be filled with cream.

Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

What is the blonde's favorite battery?
Ever-ready.

What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A vacant possession.

How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ?
She wasn't used to the front seat!

Why did she finally pass her test?
She took the examiner with her

Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?
Who cares

What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time?
"How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions)

What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .

Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.

What did the blonde do when she got her period?
Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

Why are there no dumb brunettes?
Peroxide.

What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.
Nothing - they've never met.

What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
She can't say "No".

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
Data transfer.

What's the difference between a Blonde and a shopping cart.
A shopping cart has a mind of its own.

What was the blond psychic's greatest achievement?
An IN-body experience!

When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
After a dye job.

What did the blonde say to the physicist?
"Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! they spelled MACYS wrong.

What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
They drowned in Spring training.

Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
The more you bang it the looser it gets.

What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.

What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
They both wriggle when you eat them.

Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

How do you get a blond out of a tree?
Wave

What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
They both have black roots.

What does a blonde owl say?
What, what?

What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A brain tumor.

What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
Two brunettes.

What's the Blonde's cheer?
"I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
So she could lip read.

Why did God create blondes?
Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Why did God create brunettes?
Neither could the blondes.

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
To turn the blinker off

Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Why does it work?
"Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay)

What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A blond doing cartwheels.

What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
She missed the Earth!

Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
She blew it both times!

What do a moped and a blond have in common?
They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

How do you know when a blond's been in your frige?
Lipstick on the cucumbers!

What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
About 2 cans of hair spray

What is the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
Pick them up off the floor.

Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.

How many blondes does it take to play tag?
One.

What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
Far-from-thinkin

Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
They can't get the smell out of the tuna

What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain.

What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
1: The Blonde!
2: The other guys waiting their turn.

What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"

What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot.

What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
Air Supply.

Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A blond electrician.

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So brunettes can remember them.

Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
They keep breaking them with the hammers.

What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
Perri-air

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
The Air Pump!

Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
Because she got an F in sex.

Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
She missed.

Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
They can't keep their calves together!

When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
After a dye job.

What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
Because she blows the horn!

Why is a blonde like a door knob?
Because everybody gets a turn.

Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
Because she's been laid all over the country.

Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men!

What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
She picks up her purse and goes home.

To a blonde, what is long and hard?
Grade 4.

What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.

Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
Because at 69 they blow a rod...

What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
They both drip when they're fucked.

How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.

Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.

What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade.

Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe. Back to the main Jokes page