Untouched sheets of canvas
White eyes burning holes in me
My brush reluctantly approaches
But cowardly it backs away
Her woven strands of course cloth
Spread out naked before me
Her body's open to my interpretation
All she's taught me I've come to be
Each thread wants to be clothed
But my colors are cracked and dry
My wrists are now unbound
Though they continue to deny
Spilt turpentine rests on the table
The wood absorbs its rusty smell
She just sits and stares upon it
Yearning to soak it in as well
Her chalky skin looks inviting
But my hands are scared and hide
And I can hear her calling for me
The silent voice that never lied
She lay before me uncovered and bare
Stilled and ready to surrender
I would give her my whole world
But that's not much to render
My thoughts are now inconsistent
I stain her with my watery black
I run my fingernails down her
And shove her in my tiny shack
She'll gather cobwebs in that place
Until this world is worthy of her
But for now she'll remain in darkness
As my painting, as my lover.
Noir
4-30-99
Beautiful
She walks in torn jeans.
Black ragged Jncos.
Ripped from being tugged on,
And climbing out of the window last night,
To gaze at the stars.
She grins.
A hint of cherry lip gloss,
Chronically being licked off in secret.
No one has to know.
A fountain of tangled hair,
Pink I think.
Or was that a shadow cast upon her head by the
Crimson Sunset.
Her Cracker Jax rings coexist with her
Chipped lilac nailpolish.
Chipped from being chewwed on.
Hoping he calls her back.
Impatiently waiting
She walks into the rain.
Perhaps to dance with the moon,
Or merely to get away from it all.
She breathes in the intoxicating air,
And presses her lips together.
She smells of delicate skin,
And her boyfriend's colonge.
Which always seems to rub off
When he holds her.
She thinks of her life.
Walking in torn jeans.
She licks her cherry lips,
And grins.
She is beautiful.
Noir
(Krissy)
-Dirt-
Can't seem to wash this dirt off my hands I scrub Trying to carve it away with my fingernails They prove to be insignificant My hands begin to bleed Or so I think But all I see is dirt I feel it though Feel the pain The kind of pain that always renders blood The dirt is thick Thick like honey Caked on Like six feet of dirt on a grave This room Empty No bathtub No toilet This room Purposely made unusually small To protect me from myself Void creates fear To my left Just a wall Stained with cigarette smoke And a silhouette of my dying body I hate how my shadow mimics me To my right A door with no doorknob Apparently it has fallen out Just a hole there now A hole to provide air for me I feel a breeze Cold I envy it It's body fluid and formless as the water running over my hands In front of me The door to the medicine cabinet Wide open Hanging by one hinge Inside On a wobbly shelf Lays a razorblade Rather dull I slam the cabinet door shut Adding another crack to the mirror on the other side The mirror is filthy Perverted by the light that enters from the equally filthy window behind me The way it perceives me Is hideous It splits my face into three And each of these Three versions of me Can't seem to wash this dirt off my hands
Noir
-Runaway-
Hid on the roof last night Tired of hiding under the table It's cold and dirty down there When I feel around For my well-deserved comfort I only find myself Wrapped in a tiny ball Begging for a violent shove into sleep With constant thoughts And restless eyes I hate how you make me runaway Up here it is not much better The roof provides little temporary sanity for me I can still hear your lies of loving me I plug my ears Doesn't even seem to muffle them Love What an intense emotion to fake What a cruel thing to pretend You wrapped your cold body around me The smell of you Soaked into my skin And it will never be returned Your deeds, your arrogant pride Still seem to affect me My body Like a sacrifice to you Create me Mold me Make me into exactly what you want Then change your mind Throw me away and start over With someone new A lover for three months Now, a friend No, an acquaintance for the rest of my life Constant thoughts And restless eyes Have thrown me into insomnia Thoughts of when you kissed me You acted as if you were doing me a favor Your touch so condescending Your voice chases mine away You aren't worth fighting for Not now Not anymore I can't forgive myself For falling so helplessly into you This anger burns me deep Deeper than your love ever did Now you make me runaway And hide upon my roof To fight the night With constant thoughts And restless eyes Lying awake I watch the scenery disappear Always wondered how the moon looked At 2:47 a.m. Lying awake Your lies are still all I hear Always wondered how the sun looked At 5:17 a.m. The air is chilly But the coldness of the roof Could never compare To the coldness from your lips.
Noir
-Plaything-
Take me away Leave me behind Tell me to stay Tell me I'm blind Love me then go NO mommy NO Leave me to die WHY mommy WHY Mommy's gone mad So hard to please Hands on my head Scrapes on my knees Leave me alone Put me away Lock up my cage Fuck me your way Slap me around Keep me outside Rusting my joints Nowhere to hide Abandon my body Ignoring my cries Neglecting my needs I'm dead in your eyes Come back for more Undress me and play Don't comb my hair I like it that way.
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