'To Kill a Nightingale' 8/11 By phoenix99
(xphoenix99@hotmail.com)


X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X

CHAPTER 8

X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X

"When the night comes in 
 I hope I'm out in the rain
 When the night comes in 
  she makes me whole again 
 I never sleep, 
 I just watch TV and the gun, 
  it lies next to me
 whispering in an Alabama motel room 
 I reflect on her sweet perfume 
 I am down and out 
  but they will not get away with it again 
 Say you love me 
  we may never get the chance again"

-'Alabama Motel Room', Matthew Good Band

X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X

7:26 p.m.


When the car engine went silent, Scully found herself
surrounded by a mute world. It was too early in the year
for the sounds of crickets or tree frogs, so there was just
the dark, quiet night. When she got out of the vehicle she
saw Mulder sitting out on the porch, his jacket wrapped
around him tightly. He was watching her, though he
didn't startle her this time; she had almost been expecting
him.

She picked up her purse off the passenger seat, and
closed the car door. Pulling it over her shoulder she
walked up the stairs and stopped beside him. He was
sitting on the porch swing, where Scully was tempted to
sit down with him, but she knew they'd end up sitting
out there for hours--another luxury they couldn't afford.

"How did the interview go?" Scully asked as she opened
the front door. Mulder looked up at her, not saying much
with his eyes, and as he got up from the swing she could
feel the anxiety in the air.

"Well, let's go watch the tape and you can tell me," he 
said mysteriously as he followed her into the house.

Scully dropped her purse onto the kitchen table and
looked around. "Where's Karen?" she asked.

"Guess," he said as they made their way into the den.
"She has until 11:00 before she has to get up and we can
go to sleep." Scully made a face at his answer. "It's all on
the tape," he explained as he picked up the tape from the
coffee table. It looked like Mulder had spent most of the
day in the den. A half-eaten sandwich sat on top a pile of
used papers and there was a fire in the fireplace, or at
least there had been. All that was left were a few flames
and hot embers. It might have been romantic if she
wasn't so distracted by Mulder and the information she was 
anxious to hear.

Scully went and sat down on the couch while Mulder
slipped the tape in the VCR. He joined her a moment
later and pushed the play button on the remote.

The blue screen on the TV changed and Scully
recognized the surroundings of the living room. The
camera was mostly focused on Karen, who was sitting in
a chair, looking rather nervous. From the way the camera
was positioned Scully could only see part of Mulder's
head.

"Would you like to start off or should I start with a few
questions?" TV Mulder asked slowly, obviously wanting
to make everything as painless but efficient as possible.

Karen took a deep breath and pushed a few strands of
hair back behind her ears before she spoke. "I think I'll
just tell you what I know, then you can ask questions
after."

Mulder nodded to her, and she began.

"The people that died in the fire in Albany were not my 
original family. I loved them all very much, but in fact 
they had adopted me. I was born in Russia and my parents 
immigrated to the States when I was just a baby. We'd 
only been here for a year when my parents were killed in 
a car accident. That's when Jane and Lee Markston adopted 
me.

"I didn't realize that I was different until around the age
of five when a kid at the park scraped his knee and when
I helped him he ran away screaming. Before that I had
assumed that everyone was like me. From that moment
on, I knew something was very wrong so I vowed never
to tell anyone.

"I did some pretty stupid things though that might have
given me away. Lee had a dog. He was pretty old, but I 
loved that dog, so when I heard people talking about 
having him put down I started giving him back a few 
years. Lee noticed the difference in the dog's behavior, 
how much more energetic and playful he was, but he said 
that dogs weren't supposed to live past fifteen and 
that we'd be causing him undue pain. So they put him to 
sleep, even though he wasn't sick anymore. I don't know, 
it might have been the wrong thing to do, but Jake was 
such a good dog and I thought my Lee would be happy 
that he was in such good health."

Karen paused for a moment, looking down at her hands.
She scrunched up her face for a moment before going on.

"When I was nine, Jane's father became ill. I remember 
we went to the hospital to see him. Before that, I had 
told myself that I wouldn't interfere anymore with
peoples lives and it was one of the hardest moments in
my life to sit there and watch that man die, to hear his
thoughts and to know his pain. I couldn't deal with it so I
left the room for a little while, leaving Jane to talk 
to her dying father. I had been walking down the hall 
when I saw a girl, my age, in one of the rooms.

"She and her father had been in a car accident, and the
doctors weren't sure if she would make it. So I helped
that girl. I didn't think to get away before the doctors
showed up, and it wasn't long before they started asking
me questions, but I pleaded ignorance and ran back
down the hall, only to find that Jane's father had
died. That's when I started visiting hospitals to heal
mostly the younger people because I felt I was cheating
nature when I helped the really old people. I often took
away their pain, but many of them were ready to go, so I
never did anything. It was hard watching their relatives
suffer when I knew I could help them.

"This was also when I started hiding myself from people.
Usually I can kind of blur people's vision of me--that's
why you got so many conflicting reports from the
hospital staff. People see what they want to see, it's not
necessarily the truth."

Karen stopped for a moment, picking up her glass of
milk and taking a sip. She brought her feet up and
folded them in front of herself before she continued.

"A few weeks before you showed up at the hospital I
knew that my time was running out. Only recently more
and more people started coming to the hospital; they
were dressed in suits and were armed. I stayed away from
them because I knew they were looking for me. One man
in particular, Alex Krycek, had been looking for me for a
while. So I started visiting the hospital less. When I 
heard about the boy who had fallen out of his tree house, 
I decided to take the chance and go. I saw you both there,
so I waited until I thought I'd have enough time to heal
the boy and escape. And I would have gotten away,
except you saw me in the basement when I was about to
leave.

"It was stupid to run from you, but I was so scared of what 
might happen if anyone found me. I was becoming so paranoid 
and I thought that maybe I could stay out of this whole 
conspiracy if I stayed away from everyone involved. I 
should have known better; it really was inevitable.  
Unfortunately you were the victim of my ignorance," Karen 
shook her head as spoke. "So was my family. They never knew, 
they were always so open to them and all I did was lie and 
keep secrets from them. They were all I had and now all of 
it is gone. I should have been there with them..." She 
dropped her head and wiped away the tears running down her 
face. 

"I'm sorry..." She murmured, sniffing before she quickly 
continued her account. "That car accident could have been 
avoided. When I realized what had happened, I was going to 
go back and help you there on the street, but when I had 
finally stopped running and looked back I saw the ambulance 
was already there, so I decided to wait. I felt horrible 
about what I had done, so I returned to the hospital to 
give you back what I had taken. But something unexpected 
happened."

She paused again, frowning as she sorted things out in
her mind.

"What happened, Karen?" Mulder encouraged. She took
a deep breath as she recalled what she could remember.

"Agent Scully was asleep and the nurse had just left, so I
took the opportunity to go into your room. Unfortunately
Agent Scully woke up before I could start, so I tried to
numb her mind long enough to finish and leave. The
thing that I didn't count on was your strong mental
connection to each other."

"What do you mean?" Mulder asked, leaning forward in his 
seat as his attention hung on her every word.

"Maybe I should explain how I do what I do first; that
might make it easier to explain what happened. You are
familiar with the idea of lucid dreaming?" Her question 
sounded more like a statement.

"Where people realize they are dreaming and can make
decisions and alter their dreams," Mulder clarified.

Karen nodded. "Most people's minds are separate from
their bodies; dreaming is a good example. When you
have a dream, it seems very real and the monsters in it
seem very dangerous. However, in reality they cannot
harm you. People who practice lucid dreaming recognize
this, and in their dreams they are able to conquer their
fears because they know they aren't real and pose no
great threat. For me it is quite the opposite. My mind is 
in some way directly connected to my body. When I dream,
the dangers are very real for me and there have been
many times I have almost died in my sleep. You both
suspected my father to have been the one that gave me
these bruises when in fact it was my own mind."

"So you're saying that your mind has complete control
over your body," Mulder asked, obviously trying to put
together all the puzzle pieces he was suddenly getting.

"Well, sort of. It's hard to explain. Usually I can control
my dreams and they aren't much of a threat to me. It's
when I am close to others who are dreaming... I... it's
almost as if I absorb their dreams and I become trapped
in them. That's when I'm in real danger because it's
extremely difficult to control an outside influence when
asleep. That's why I didn't sleep last night when you and
your partner slept. Your dreams are some of the last I
would ever want to be stuck in."

Mulder nodded, knowing how true that would be. He
knew he often had horrible dreams, and he guessed it
was the same for Scully. He wasn't the only one calling in 
the middle of the night.

"This is also how I heal people. I help their mind connect
with their body and I use that connection to heal them. I
don't really know how I do this. But I only heal people, I
can't make them into something they aren't. I can't
'regrow' arms or kidneys. I mean I'm not a scientist, but I
can't see how you can create something from nothing."
She was looking at Mulder soberly, before she looked away 
and took another drink of her milk.

Scully's heart sunk when she heard this. She had wanted
so badly for Karen to have given her back the chance to
have children, but now it seemed she was being told that
it wasn't possible. She knew she shouldn't complain--she
had already been given so much that she had no right--
but she had so wished.

On the TV, Karen was sitting very still as she thought
about what to say next. Her eyes seemed to be locked on 
something to her left, not even glancing in Mulder's 
general direction. Scully wondered what it was that seemed 
to be bothering her so much. 

"When I made that connection with you, I didn't give a 
second thought to the fact that your partner was holding 
your hand, I mean, it's never been problem before, but 
somehow that must have contributed to what happened. Once 
Agent Scully stepped into the loop I couldn't control the
amount of energy I was using. I tried, but it was out of
my hands. Nothing like that has ever happened to me
before and I never saw it coming. I originally hadn't
intended to make you younger, but I suppose it hasn't
hurt you in any way."

When she said this she finally looked directly at Mulder. 
There was a quiet moment and she seemed to regard him for a
second before diverting her attention and continuing.

"Another result of what happened, something I know
both you and your partner have been wondering about
but haven't connected to the incident yet, are the strange
dreams you've been having since it happened. When I
heal people, I try to put a sort of road block between my
mind and the other person's so that only certain things
are passed on. But there was no block between you two,
and mine fell when I lost control, so basically we shared
everything; experiences, memories, ideas. You wouldn't
know it and you won't remember much of it, but you'll
dream about it. Before I knew enough to block it, I found
that the memories fade after time--if you just keep
ignoring them."

Karen took a deep breath and shrugged. "I guess that's it. 
That's what I am."

Looked down at a sheet of paper in front of him where he 
had been scribbling down questions.

"Why don't you heal yourself? Those bruises on your
arms, can't you heal those?" Mulder asked.

"Well, I could," she paused, and Mulder nodded for her
to continue. "It's hard to face your own mind. To see all
your faults and everything you've ever done so clearly.  I
did it once before and it's not something I want to ever
have to do again. It is nice to believe only the good things
about one's self."

"So you've never had any strange experiences?" Mulder
continued.

"No, I've never been abducted by aliens or by the
government--at least not to my knowledge. I'm sorry I
can't tell you anything about my parents' history... but I
really don't remember them well."

"That's ok, we'll just move on to something else," Mulder
said as he picked up what looked to Scully like pieces of
thin white cardboard with symbols drawn in black
marker on one side. "I have thirteen cards, all have symbols 
on them. I'm going to shuffle them," he said as he began to 
mix them up, "then I'll pull one out, show it to the camera 
then you tell me what it is."

"Ok," Karen said before she finished off the rest of her
milk.

Mulder finished shuffling and pulled out a card. He held
it up to the camera before setting it face down in front of
him.

"A triangle," Karen said sounding rather bored. She had 
was right.

Mulder shuffled again. Pulled out another card, and
showed it to the camera.

"A cross," Karen said, correctly again.

This went on for a while before Mulder pushed the cards
to the side and pulled out some paper and pens and split
them between himself and Karen.

"I'm going to draw a picture, then you try and draw as
accurately as possible the same thing that I draw. Maybe
you can face the other way."

Karen turned around and sat with her legs crossed and
facing the wall. As soon as he was sure she couldn't see
him, Scully watched as TV Mulder began to scribble
away at the paper. It looked as if he were drawing an
elephant standing on a turtle, but Scully wasn't sure.

When he was finished he folded up the paper and placed
it on the table. Mulder didn't have to say anything before
Karen was turning around and starting on her own
drawing.

She didn't take long and when she was done she looked
one last time at the picture before pushing it across the
table to Mulder. He looked at it carefully before
unfolding his own picture and placing them side by side.
He then picked them up and held them in front of the
camera. The pictures were identical, in every way. Every
length, every width and angle of every line was exact.

"Now I'm going to read, in my head, a random section
from this book. I'll show what section I'm going to read to
the camera before I start. As I read it in my head I want
you to write down the words you hear." Mulder picked
up a book from somewhere off screen and closed his eyes
before opening it to a random page.

"God, I feel like I'm doing a magic show," he murmured
as he marked a passage with his pen and showed it to the
camera. He then started to read silently and Karen began 
to scribble furiously. After about a paragraph Mulder
stopped. Karen finished up what she was writing and
handed him the sheet of paper. He compared her writing
to the words in the book, and of course, the outcome was
the same--they were identical.

"Now that we've tested your psychic abilities," Mulder
said as he disappeared from the camera view. He came back 
a moment later and Scully could see Karen's eyes grow a
little larger. "I'd like to test your healing abilities."

Scully sat forward in her seat, her interest perked and 
only magnified by her nervous feelings about what she was 
about to watch. She knew she wouldn't like what she was 
going to see, but it really couldn't be that bad since 
Mulder was alive and well and sitting beside her.

The Mulder on TV showed his left hand to the camera
before laying it flat on the table, palm up. His other hand
came into the picture at that moment, holding a large
kitchen knife. He took the knife and sliced slowly and
carefully down the center of his hand.

"God dammit Mulder!" Scully said, wincing. She was
about to give Mulder hell, but he nodded towards the
screen, unfazed by her anger.

"Just watch," he replied to her, and she could already
predict what would happen. 

TV Karen was watching the brightly colored blood ooze
out of the wound. She looked rather surprised, but that
only froze her for a moment. With a delicate touch, she
reached for Mulder's hand, brushing her fingers along his. 
Right before their eyes gaping wound closed and the blood 
vanished. When she pulled away, his hand looked perfectly 
fine. TV Mulder was absolutely fascinated by this, and
inspected his hand carefully, not forgetting to show it to
the camera.

Scully shook her head. She had a very big problem with
Mulder cutting himself up like this, and to her horror he
did it three more times, each time with a different camera 
angle. Each time, she became more and more curious and the 
fourth time she couldn't resist. She walked up to the TV, 
her face inches from the screen as she watched the skin 
close up before her eyes.

The screen suddenly went to static, signaling that the
tape was done. Mulder picked up the remote and turned
off the TV as Scully returned to the couch.

"Did you really have to cut yourself four times?" Scully
scolded as she took his hand and began to examine it for
herself.

"I just wanted to make sure the people who watch this
video will know that it's real." He told her as he 
watched her fingers explore his hand.

"Who will that be?" Scully asked him, her movements 
stopping and her voice sounding somewhat surprised. 
Mulder seemed reluctant to answer.

"I've been thinking a lot today about how to keep Karen
safe, and going to the media was the only thing I came up
with."

"No, Mulder, that can't be the only way. I'm sure we can
find something else," Scully voiced. She dropped his
hand and looked back up at the dark TV, shaking her
head a bit before speaking. "I just can't believe it."

"Yeah, I'm not surprised. If you had said you did believe
it, well, then I'd be worried," Mulder said as he turned 
to nface Scully and leaned back into the soft pillows on the
couch. He looked so pleased with himself, knowing that
there wasn't much she could deny about what they had
seen and experienced. But he also seemed nervous, and
she wondered if he had come to the same conclusion as
she had about her ova. Maybe she was being presumptuous, not 
everything revolved around her.

"No, I know I can't deny what I saw. I mean look at us--
we didn't look like this two days ago."

"But here we are," Mulder said, lifting up his hands to
emphasize his point.

"Here we are," Scully repeated, her voice barely above a
sigh. "I guess she explained how she got those bruises."

"You don't believe her?"

"I don't know. She could have easily manufactured that
story, but she has no reason to.  Her story is just so
fantastic," Scully explained as Mulder nodded in
understanding.

"But the fact remains that somehow she is able to heal
people and read their thoughts... and from what we saw,
even affect people's minds." Mulder remarked.

Scully found herself shaking her head again, the only 
action that seemed to relay her feelings. It was so 
unbelievable, and yet so undeniable.

"I had a dream last night," Mulder said suddenly. Scully
just looked over at him nervously, immediately thinking
about what Karen had said about them sharing memories.

"What was it about?" she asked, keeping her voice even
in invitation for him to continue.

"I was you," he whispered, looking over at the suffering
fire for a second before turning his attention back to her.
Crooking his head to the side, he recited his dream. "At 
least I think I was. You were young, maybe thirteen and you 
were sitting on a dock, and then I remember going to this 
party, and everyone was dressed in seventies clothing. 
This girl sent me upstairs because I told her I was looking 
for my sister."

Scully just stared at him as his voice trailed off. He had
recalled everything that had led up to that one moment in 
her life. She remembered that night so clearly and it 
surprised her when Mulder began to recite it with such 
accuracy. When she recovered from her momentary shock she 
tried to offer him an answer, without revealing too much.

"You think this was what Karen was talking about?"

Mulder nodded. "It was like I could feel everything you
felt; everything seemed so clear. I never thought I'd know 
what it was like to be you, even if only for a second."

Scully looked away from him, unable to respond to his
words with the kind of grace she wished she had at the
moment. Mulder had a knack for coming up with the
right words to throw her emotions madly off in all
directions.

"I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have brought it up." he said
gingerly, obviously regretting having said anything.

"No, it's alright. It was a long time ago and it doesn't
bother me anymore," she murmured. "I'm glad we can
share things like this."

He nodded slowly, realizing that she wasn't going to go
into any detail about that particular memory. There were
a few moments of silence before Mulder stood up to
gather the sheets of paper on the coffee table and start
rewinding the video.

"I want to take her to the hospital tomorrow to do some x-
rays and a CAT scan. I'll have to stay there for most of the
day. I'm expecting some things from DC and I still have to 
look at her blood and I'll have to review the test results, 
so you may want to take a cab back here." Scully explained 
as he sat back down beside her.

"From DC?" Mulder asked as he tossed the remote onto the 
coffee table.

"Just some medical stuff Frohike is sending." 

Mulder nodded, but he didn't move from his spot. He
watched her, as if he was waiting for something. He must
have known what she would do today, and now he
wanted to know for certain.

She looked down at her hands, still amazed every time
she saw the effects from what had happened in the
hospital. As minute as many of the changes were, she
sensed and recognized each one. She was far from used
to it. She felt a soft touch on her hand and looked up to
see Mulder leaning closer to her, his out-stretched hand
giving her the support she needed to continue.

Should she tell him about all of the tests she had gone
through today, all the x-rays and ultrasounds, all the
doctors? Should she tell him how she'd been afraid to do
any tests regarding her ova; how she had been so
desperate to hold on to the last shred of hope she had for
ever having a family of her own... no. He wouldn't want
to hear that. So Scully decided to tell him what she was
sure he was worried about, in the easiest way she could.

"I'm free, Mulder," she said to him in a quiet voice. She 
believed those words were simple enough that they would 
help to keep her composure. But they betrayed her and a 
wave of emotion and tears came to the surface of her hard 
exterior. Mulder seemed at a loss for words, his lip 
quivering slightly.

"No, Scully, *we* are free," he whispered back to her as
she dropped her head to his shoulder. He wrapped his
strong arms around her, sharing her relief.

They stayed like that for a while before Scully's tears
tapered off. Even then she clung to him like a life
preserver, not willing to let him go. He seemed to sense
this and held on to her just as tightly.

"This changes everything," Scully murmured into his
shoulder, her voice breaking down from her sobs and
tears as she spoke.

Mulder pulled back, his warm hands rubbing slowly
over her back. He looked into her bright eyes, her words
sparking something within him. "Does it?" he asked her.

She nodded, smiling slightly. "I think it does."

He tilted his head to the side and gave her a curious look,
but she didn't answer his unspoken question. She
reached out and framed his face with her hands,
regarding him fondly as her eyes refilled with tears.

"What is it, Scully?" he asked her.

She looked away from him a moment as she spoke, "I
never really told you. All the years I had that chip in my
neck, I always thought it was something I'd have for the
rest of my life. No matter where I was or what I was
doing, the knowledge that it was there and what it could
do was always a thought in the back of my mind." She
took a deep breath before continuing. "I used to wonder
what would happen if it ever stopped working, or if I
ended up on a bridge out in the middle of nowhere
again." She let out a shaky sigh. "But I never dwelled on
it long because I knew I had you, Mulder. I knew that I
had you to fall back on."

"Just like I have you," he finished as he lifted his hands
and placed them over hers. She smiled as they warmed
her chilled fingers. He slowly took her hands in his and
brought them away from his face, pulling them to his
chest.

He leaned towards her, his cheek meeting hers and his
stubble tickling her skin. She could feel the warm puffs
of his breath on her ear when he spoke.

"I think everything was already changing," he whispered
to her. She closed her eyes as she felt him pull away.
When she reopened them he was in front of her, his eyes
partially closed and his mouth poised opposite hers.

"Maybe you're right," she said softly before she leaned in
and caught his lips with hers. The kiss lasted longer than 
she'd thought it would, not that she was complaining. This 
was not the same as the kiss they had shared in the 
bathroom the day before, and far from the kiss on New 
Years Eve. This was something altogether different to her,
as inexperienced as she was at kissing Mulder.

It quickly grew from just gently touching lips to
something much deeper and more profound, and there
was no stopping it. The house could have begun to fall
down around them and they wouldn't have blinked an
eye. The fire that had been sparked as soon as their lips
had met was unquenchable and the passion that had
been caged up for so long was about to be released in not
such a controlled manner.

She barely took notice of Mulder's arms wrapping
around her; hers had been sneaking underneath his shirt
since their tongues had first entwined. Their lips tangled
in an unnaturally familiar way as they unknowingly
tugged at each other's clothing.

He broke their kiss and all she could do was close her
eyes and hum her encouragement as she concentrated on
his lips and their determined but soft path along her
cheek and down her neck. She tilted her head to the side,
allowing him to dip down along her shoulder. He took
advantage of her generosity and she gasped when she
felt his teeth bite down gently on her tender skin.

Their clothes had suddenly become very restricting and 
irritating. Mulder was already pulling at the buttons of 
her blouse, trying to make a path for his mouth which 
was being held back by the collar of her shirt. Scully's 
heart was racing and every breath came out in quick 
little gasps. She was desperately trying to pull 
Mulder's shirt over his head, but he didn't seem 
interested in moving.

"A little help?" Scully said to him as she continued to
claw at the pieces of material blocking her access. He
slowly pulled back from her and she let go of his shirt
and stopped moving altogether as her blouse dropped
from her shoulders. She suddenly felt exposed in front of
him, like he was judging her and she had to look away.
Her momentary lapse in security quickly dissolved when
she felt Mulder's face on her shoulder before he put his
arms around her.

He held her tightly, probably more so than he knew, but
it wasn't hurting her. He burrowed his head against her
neck, his hands slowly clawing against her semi bare
back.

"I'm so lucky to have you, Scully. Thank you... thank you
for staying with me," he whispered against her.

"Thank you for trusting me," she whispered back to him.
He smiled into her neck, his lips brushing lightly along
her skin.

"I'll always trust you Scully, no matter what happens,"
he told her sincerely.

She moved her arms down and grabbed the bottom of his
shirt. When he pulled away from her she tugged it over
his head and tossed it to the floor.

They were almost equal now, their shirts gone and their
bare skin exposed to each other's curious eyes. They were
both breathing hard and they had barely even begun.

Scully reached back behind her, grasped the hook of her
bra and released it. She watched Mulder's eyes widen,
his lip trembling slightly before he practically attacked
her, knocking her backwards onto the floor.

Her surprised laugher died in her throat as his mouth
began a frantic survey of her skin. He was immediately
attached to her, his lips stuck to one exposed nipple as
his hands began to skim down her body and came to rest
on her waist. She was murmuring nonsense to him and
running her hands through his hair, encouraging him to
continue. Not that he seemed to need any encouragement
at all.

She was going mad with need and when she felt his
erection press against the inside of her thigh she thought
she would lose her mind entirely. Desperately she
attempted to grab at his pants, but she was unable to
reach low enough to pull them off and she made a
frustrated noise.

Mulder grunted against her, moving away from her
breasts and down her stomach. "If you keep pawing at
me like that, this isn't going to last long." Scully had to
laugh at that, feeling proud that she was able to do that 
to him, especially after doubting herself for so long.

He brushed her roaming hand away as he undid his
pants and pulled them off along with his boxers. Scully
reached down again but he had moved, his lips brushing
against the waist of her pants as he descended further
down her body. His breath was hot against her bare skin
and she shivered when she felt him begin to pull the
zipper down on her pants. He did it slowly, she guessed
on purpose, since it was killing her and making her
fidget against her will.

Suddenly his head came up, and he looked at her with
dark uncertain eyes. She stilled her movements and
frowned at him. "What's wrong, Mulder?"

He studied her for a moment, his face revealing nothing
of his state of mind, before he smiled. "Just checking," he
muttered cryptically before dropping his head and
continuing his assault on her pants. Always full of
doubts, Scully thought to herself.

He gently pulled off her dress pants, her shoes coming
off along with them. Crawling back up her body, his arm
wrapped itself around one of her legs as his lips went
straight to her stomach. She felt him drop a delicate kiss
over the spot where her most recent sacrificial tattoo, care
of one Special Agent Ritter, had been.

Mulder moved on, his lips mapping out her skin. His
nose brushed lightly against her belly button, before she
felt him bite down on the fabric of her panties.

She stared up at the ceiling, hopelessly trying to control
her breathing as she concentrated on his soft touch,
unable to stop shaking with anticipation. The small hairs
on her skin stood on end, and she started when she felt
Mulder's warm hand splay out on her stomach, calming
her as his other hand slipped her underwear down her
legs.

He was whispering something against her, his warm lips
speaking secrets to her deaf skin. Scully's imagination
quickly began to create in her mind all the possible
things he could be saying and it only made her writhe
more under his loving touch. She knew exactly where he
was going with this and she really didn't have the time
for it. She appreciated the gesture, but she had brought
herself to edge just thinking about and feeling what they
had already been doing. She wanted this to be mutual
and she wanted it now.

She reached down and squeezed his shoulder, pulling
him up her body until he rested above her, his green eyes
dark and watchful of her every twitch and shake.

Cautiously, she wrapped one leg around his midsection,
showing him what she wanted as she pulled him towards
her, lifting up her head to plant a gentle kiss on his neck.
As they connected he pulled her to him, holding her as
close as he could and wrapping himself around her like a
cocoon. She clawed at him, trying to pull him into her as
they moved together, wanting so badly to meld with him,
as if they could become one person if she could only get a
little closer. She wanted to be with him forever, in this
moment and feeling these strong emotions. Did he feel
them too? Did he see the beauty of what they were
doing? Did he appreciate the simplicity and sheer
complexity of it all?

He was whispering to her again, his words frantic and
running together as if he were trying to tell her
everything he had ever wanted to say to her before this
moment ended. His breath was short and quick as he
continued his smooth movements. She couldn't see his
face, which was hidden beside her, but she could feel his
eyelashes fluttering against her skin.

It was at that instant that she realized it, saw that they
were finally together, after so many years filled with
nights of doubt and days of vehement words. So many
tense moments and desperate times and priceless
memories that brought tears to her eyes. It had all come
together to bring them to this point. The odds had been
against them and she had often feared that this moment
would never come--that they'd slowly lose each other to
pressure and time. But they hadn't; they'd made it this
far, had taken the last step and there was no turning
back. She finally had the man that she loved in her arms
and he only had eyes for her. It made her soul so happy
that she lost herself, the world dropping out all around
her as her body wept.

She was quaking beneath him, her breath slipping away
and her mouth dropping open. She felt Mulder's lips
close over her own as he caught her silent scream,
following closely behind her. He was still pushing
against her, unable to get close enough to her and lost in
such complete need that he seemed oblivious to
everything around him. She was so aware at that
moment; she could feel every fiber of her being and she
thought she might die. He gave two more hard thrusts
before spilling into her, his strained voice rough against
her shoulder.

The air was filled with their labored breaths, mingling
together and dancing their invisible dance between their
closed eyes. Scully could feel Mulder's arms shaking as
he adjusted himself above her. His fingers moved across
her cheek and she slowly opened her eyes with his
invitation.

Mulder's eyes were squeezed shut and he seemed almost
afraid to look at her. She lifted her hand to his head,
pulling back the small bit of hair that had fallen onto his
face. When he finally opened his eyes he was looking at
her with a mixture of worry and fear, his breathing still
uneven as he tried to regulate it.

"I'm so sorry, Scully," he apologized, shaking his head as
tears began to well up in his eyes.

"Mulder what are you talking about?" she asked him,
catching his face in her hands to still his movements.

He held up his fingertips and they shone with the tears
he had just wiped from her face. She touched her cheek
and felt the dampness for herself.

She smiled at him. "No. Good tears, Mulder," she
reassured him. He watched her carefully and she
repeated her words before he sighed with relief,
dropping his head so he could recover from his fragile
state of mind. Finally he rolled over, pulling her with him
and holding her to him as if she were his own personal
blanket.

She exhaled with satisfaction, absorbing the warmth of
the dying fire beside them and the warm body beneath
her. She knew she would be sore tomorrow, but she had
told herself she would live in the moment. This was their
second chance and she knew it had started off on the
right foot... or note... she wasn't sure what word worked 
best in this kind of situation.

The house was very quiet and Scully opened her eyes as
she listened, suddenly remembering something, or more
precisely, someone.

"Mulder--" Scully started, preparing to bolt.

"Still have a few hours. Stay with me," he whispered into
her hair, stubbornly refusing to release her. He squeezed
her fondly once more before relaxing again. His breaths
were beginning to even out, and she thought maybe
she'd wait until he fell asleep before she moved. But
Mulder was not falling asleep; he reached up to play with
a few locks of her hair, running his fingers through the
red strands and holding them up to the dimming fire
light.

"Your hair looks like gold. Like fire..." he muttered, 
his voice full of boyish wonder. Scully could only smile 
fondly at him. She was starting to feel tired, the long 
day catching up with her. But instead of sleeping, she 
started to think, which was always a dangerous thing 
when she was this open with someone. The familiar need 
for some sort of admission started to nag at her 
consciousness.

"I remember when I wasn't going to let this happen,"
Scully murmured against Mulder's chest, where her head
had finally settled. The steady breathing beneath her
stopped for a second, before starting up again.

"I wasn't either, but that was a long time ago."

"Not so long for me," Scully added. Mulder peeked at her
through his drooping eye lids, obviously curious about
what she was trying to tell him. "I was so afraid to lose
you, but so afraid to hurt you. I'd convinced myself that
you wouldn't want me... and if you did, I told myself I
wouldn't let you suffer."

Mulder was starting to shake his head in horror at what
she was telling him, but she continued, "I didn't want to
make a commitment when I thought I could be led away
at any moment by the chip in my neck. I worried that the
cancer would come back, and if we were together you
would only suffer more. Even now that it's gone, I still
can't give you everything Mulder. I had hoped that
maybe what had happened to us might have given me
back the ability to have children, but it hasn't, Mulder.
And you deserve more than what I can give you." Her voice 
was breaking as she finished, as she berated herself for 
bring up something so disappointing during such a content 
moment.

"No, Scully, please don't say that," Mulder said
desperately, pulling her head to him as he held her. "It
doesn't matter, none of it matters, you're wrong. If we had
never gone to Albany, it still wouldn't have changed
anything to me. I would still love you as much as I do
now. I don't want anything or anyone else, Scully, please
don't say those things."

He was obviously very upset and again she chided herself for 
saying those things to him, but she had been carrying them for
so long. What a selfish thing to do, she said silently to her
hazy mind.

"Please don't doubt what you are to me, Scully." He
whispered to her as he reached for the blanket on the
couch. She smiled against him as he wrapped it around
them, his words reassuring her and killing some of the
doubts she had been having. Mulder went back to playing 
with her hair, his movements seeming more concerned as he 
ran his fingers through her gold locks, twisting and 
wrapping the fine strands around his ring finger before 
letting go and starting again.

They rested like that for awhile, and Scully told herself
she was only going to stay for a moment more before
getting up and dragging Mulder upstairs to sleep. But as
the minutes went by, she felt her breathing slowly even
out as she began drifting to sleep. She was just so
comfortable... maybe just a little nap....

Just before she drifted off she incidentally noticed her
hand, which was sitting on Mulder's left shoulder. She
moved it and looked at the smooth skin, slowly running
her fingers through the small hairs there. Karen had said
she could only heal, not create something that no longer
existed. Scully told herself how lucky she was to have
been given so much and she tried to think of other things.

Her limbs were growing heavy as her eyes began to sag.
Mulder's eyes were already closed as he snoozed
peacefully beneath her, still not letting go of his Scully
blanket, his one hand resting in her tangled hair. She 
closed her eyes and listened to his life, his body beating 
and breathing under her ear. She fell asleep there to the
soothing rhythm of his heart.

X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X

END OF CHAPTER 8

X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X<>X