Title: Waltzing Down the Fair Weather Highway (7 of 7)
Author: phoenix99 (tyrrellr@home.com)


Please read--->
***Note: This is part seven of this series. These were my first 
attempts at fanfic, so if you liked them let me know. I know 
it's been a while since the last story, but I had myself 
convinced that I did not have the writing experience to 
successfully finish this story, having it end the way I 
wanted it to. But I decided that I should try and tie up lose 
ends, and this was the result.

Thanks to Tess and a few others who emailed me and got me off 
my ass so that I'd finish this story. I am eternally grateful!

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Mulder didn't come out of the bathroom for another ten minutes. 
I thought about checking on him, but I was feeling anxious, and 
wasn't up to having another bathroom debate. 

By the time he did come out, I had the food set out on his 
coffee table and was looking for plates or at least some 
utensils to eat with. On returning, I found him sitting on the 
couch, dressed, arms resting on his knees, hands covering his 
face. 

I held out a plate to him, but he didn't take it, so I sat it 
down on the table in front of him. I slumped down beside him, a 
comfortable distance away. I couldn't seem to bring myself to 
dig into the feast that lay in front of us. 

"Mulder, you really should start eating something. I got you 
some of those soft noodles..."

But if his wound had healed, it didn't matter, did it? He 
wouldn't have to follow the eating schedule the doctor set out 
for him. 

We lapsed into silence. I felt the gnawing hunger from before 
slowly vanish from my stomach. I set my plate down next to 
Mulder's and relaxed back into the couch. Closing my eyes, I 
realized how tired I actually was. I had been forcing myself 
to stay awake for so long. I had been having nightmares and I
hadn't been able to eat. When I was awake I had to keep myself 
busy so I didn't think too much.

When I caught myself drifting off for the second time I opened 
my eyes, only to find Mulder staring back at me. I couldn't 
read the look on his face, so, not being able to respond, I 
just stared back. 

He turned away and proceeded to stare at the blank screen of 
his TV.

"You wanna play a game Scully?"

My guard went up immediately. I recognized that tone in his 
voice. Sadness, resignation and a hint of bitterness. I hadn't 
heard it very often, but whenever I did I was instantly on the 
defense. He sometimes hurts me when he is like this. I know he 
doesn't mean what he says, but it still hurts to hear it.

"All right Mulder, what game are we going to play?"

He was still for a moment, then he turned full toward me, 
folding one leg up beside him.

"It's called 'Truth for a Truth'"

This was looking worse and worse. This conversation should not 
be taking place. We were both on edge, and with a few wrong words 
one of us would be storming out of here. Most likely, that 
person will be me.

"I don't think I've ever heard of that game."

He got this evil smirk on his face. As if he were the experienced
older guy about to tell his virgin of a girl friend all the 
kinky, weird sex games they were going to play. As this though 
crossed my mind, I felt a growing need to escape. My self 
preservation instincts were telling me to get the hell out of 
there. But instead I just sat up a little straighter and looked 
Mulder in the eye.

"Well Scully, we're going to sit here and spill everything. No 
secrets, no exceptions... everything. I'll tell you all my 
secrets, and you tell me all your secrets."

"Mulder... "

"The rules are, one- no yelling. Rule two- no storming out," At 
this point the panic I was feeling was almost choking me, "Rule 
three- no interrupting, I confess my soul, then it's your turn. 
Rule four- there are no exceptions. We have to tell each other 
everything. And I'm not talking about little things, I'm talking 
about important, meaningful things." He stopped here, and I 
though for a second he might withdraw and back out of this 
'game', but then he said in a slightly softer voice, "And we 
have to promise to try and forgive and forget."

I suddenly had the feeling that this was going to have a terrible 
out come. It also occurred to me that this could possible be more 
for Mulder's benefit then my own. I didn't have very many secrets.

"I don't know Mulder..."

"I'll go first. I'm in love with you. I have been for years. 
After our first case together, I was so impressed by you. You 
were the kind of woman I had dreamt about. Smart, sexy, 
independent, challenging, and with a strong will and spirit. I 
would have been all over you if it hadn't been for my previous 
experience with partner relationships. The horrible truth about 
Diana is... we were married at one time. It lasted all of two 
months, it was her attempt to keep me focused on her and not the 
X-Files. When I wasn't responding to her attempts at getting me 
to settle down and have kids, she freaked out. 

"Smashed a TV, and threw a toaster at me. Then she left for Europe. 
I'm sorry for not telling you. It was something I would have liked 
to forget. 

"With you I thought I could make it perfect. But without the extra 
baggage. I had never met anyone to whom I could put my trust into 
like I could with you.
 
"No matter what happened, since our first case, I've always 
respected and cared for you, but when they took you from me for 
those three months, I realized how much I need you. While you were 
gone I couldn't sleep, or eat. I felt hopeless because I couldn't 
find you. I was so depressed and stressed out that I ended up 
having a one night stand... also something I'd like to forget. 
I also tried to quit the FBI, but Skinner wouldn't let me. 

"When they returned you, I was so happy, but the coma you were in... 
Your family wanted to let you go, I was against it. I yelled at your 
sister, and your mother. I was not at my best at the time. Then 
when you recovered I thought I had been given a second chance, I 
made a promise to keep you safe, and to make everything better for
you... but soon we were back to normal I stupidly took it for 
granted. And when your sister was killed..." 

I couldn't feel my legs... nor did I think about it. At that moment, 
Mulder was the only thing I sensed. But I couldn't see his face; he 
was no longer looking at me, but at his hands which were folded on 
his lap, shaking slightly. His gaze was unwavering as he continued 
his seemingly well rehearsed speech. 

"She didn't deserve to die, Scully. But what makes me feel even 
worse it that every day I feel relieved that it was she instead 
of you." A single tear dropped from his still eyes, and dropped 
onto his right hand where it slowly rolled down the side. I watched 
it's slow progress as he spoke. 

"At this point I wanted... needed you to believe so bad. I tried 
to convince you at every turn. I researched everything I could, so 
that I might have an answer to everything. Something to match your 
science, which you hold so dearly. Somehow, wanting you to believe 
and wanting you to love me became intertwined as the same thing. I 
was convinced that if you believed, that you would love me. It 
wasn't something that I could understand at the time, and I felt 
that if I told you how I really felt... that you might become 
uncomfortable working with me, and that you would leave. So I 
continued on, not saying anything, not wanting to spoil what we 
had. You were always there to pull me back from the edge. But after 
a while you seemed restless, and I didn't know what to do. 

"When I sent you to Philadelphia I just... I'm so sorry for not listening 
Scully. I really can be a shit. I was blind to whatever was happening, 
either because I was preoccupied with myself, or I did see it 
but convinced myself it wasn't really there. 

"I had been taking you for granted for so long, and then when you 
said you had cancer... it was as if I was slowly watching my world 
fall apart around me, and I could do nothing but watch. When I got 
a break, and snuck into the DOD... I saw so much Scully. I saw 
everything. I saw women undergoing experiments, huge rooms filled 
with cataloging and data. I found your cure, and your curse there. 
The chip that saved your life, and almost took it away. Then when 
you told me about Emily. I wanted... I wanted so much for her to 
live. But at the same time it scared me. I thought that if she lived, 
you would no doubt want to adopt and be her mother. I knew that for 
you to do that, you would quit the FBI. I just want you to know that 
if that had happened, I would have followed you. If you had asked me, 
I would have left with you... "
 
Mulder's voice was now a combination of choked sobs and raged breaths. 
His still, clasped hand wet with tears. I had been sitting silently 
beside him. My own silent tears streaming down my face, and trailing 
down my neck. 

"But you always saved me. When I started to lose my faith in my 
beliefs, and you started to ponder the possibility of aliens. When 
they found you on the bridge... when you underwent hypnosis therapy. 
It felt like a slap in the face. As if fate was purposely trying to 
fuck with us. It all seemed too much, but you held us together. And 
then with Gibson... and losing the X-Files, I really didn't know what 
we would do. But I knew that I still had you, and really, I shouldn't 
have. You should have left. It would have messed me up, and god knows 
anybody else would have left in a second. But you stayed, and you had 
faith in me. And when they tried to separate us... and losing you to 
Antarctica... I thought..."

He paused here to regain some composure so that he might continue. 
 
"I decided after, that maybe you did love me like I did you, that 
maybe I could show my feelings a little more and not scare you off. 
I should have listens Scully. When you told be about Diana... I was 
being such a prick. I didn't want to believe you Scully... and then
the whole El Rico thing... and Dammit...  I've been such a basterd 
to you..."

I lifted my hand, intending to reach out to comfort him, but he shook
his head slightly, so I withdrew.

"I'm not done Scully. You may not want to comfort me after what I'm
about to tell you... it will make or break us I think... I wouldn't 
mind if you felt the need to beat the shit out of me. I wouldn't 
think twice about giving my body to you for the use of a punching 
bag if it means that you'll forgive me. My reasons for not telling 
you this are also very selfish, just like most of the things I do. I 
knew that after what happened with Emily, you would kill to have the 
chance to have a child. And, being the selfish basterd that I am, I 
kept my secret from you in fear that you would leave me to become a 
mother."

I started at this.  

oh my god...

Was this some thing I wanted to hear? 

But all I could say was, "What are trying to tell me Mulder?"

"That when I broke into the fertility clinic, looking for some clues 
about your cancer, I met more Kurt Crawfords, but what I didn't tell 
you was that they had your ova there. I took a vial. 

He paused at my gasp. As he continued his voice became more and more 
quiet. 

"I gave it to the gunmen to put someplace safe, some other private 
clinic, and they did. The doctors weren't sure if they could save 
them, they told me not to get my hopes up. Now if I hadn't fucked up 
the entire situation up by this point, what I did next just sealed the 
deal. I made a decisions I shouldn't have... after I came to see you 
in the hospital, I was informed by the clinic that they were able to 
save thirty-three of them, but that they would need to be fertilized 
within forty-eight hours or they wouldn't survive. So I had ten 
of them fertilize with a random donor, and the rest... with myself. 
I.. I'm sorry, I just... " 

And that's when he lost it.  "I thought that I could give you 
back your immortality... and I wanted to be a part of it so badly... 
I thought that maybe one day..." 

I wanted to moved over beside him; put my arms around him. But I was 
so stunned. I couldn't respond. He hadn't looked over at me yet, but 
tried to finish his painful confession. 

"I knew that if I told you about what I had after Emily died that you 
would take it in a second. But I needed you...and... and I thought what 
you didn't know wouldn't hurt you.... that when we found the truth... 
if we saved the world, then I could tell you what we have.. what you 
have. But the guilt didn't go away. Every time I saw you, whenever we 
were together, I felt it... I tried to justify my motives, but I knew 
that, really, I should tell you. But I didn't... and it got to the 
point where I thought you would leave if I told you, being so mad at me, 
just one more reason to hate me. I thought that you would take everything 
and leave. I tried to convince myself that there would be a time... that 
the right time would come along when you wouldn't be angry, when we could 
both take care of a child... when it could live in a safe world... but 
that time seems to get farther and farther away... and now... I couldn't 
hide from you forever Scully"

As my name left his lips, I felt the true force of his words hit me like 
a tank. He loves me. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I 
can have children... we can have children. 

But he kept my children for me. He was married to Diana and he didn't tell 
me. All those secrets he kept from me. How do I know he isn't holding 
anything back?

Mulder chose that time to open his puffy eyes. He turned his head slowly 
toward me and looked up into my face. His expression was sad, but 
hopeful. Scared yet trusting.

I was still trying to decide how to react when I felt the warm touch of 
Mulder's hand on my arm. I jumped instinctively and he pulled away like 
he had been burned. Turning his head back to stare at his hands, I could 
almost feel him withdrawing into himself. Ready to commit harri karri in 
an instant.

Surprizingly I felt the anger at him for not telling me slowly glow dimmer 
as I realized what he had done, even if he didn't realize it himself. I 
had finally excepted what had been done to me, this information... it 
was wonderful... and I couldn't watch Mulder beat himself up over this, 
if he's been hating himself for as long as he says, then perhaps that is 
punishment enough.

"Thank you."

Mulder turned back to look at me, hope, fear and confusion laid thick in 
his features.

"But Scully, I how can you be th..."

"Mulder don't you see? You may not realize it, but you saved me from 
myself. Even though you kept something from me that you shouldn't have, 
under the circumstances, I can't be angry with you. If you had given me 
what you had found, I would have left to raise a family, and if you had 
come with me like you say you would have, which I don't think even you 
could have done-"

"Scully-"

"Let me finish. If you had left the FBI to start a new life, what would 
have happened to the world? The truths that we have discovered and are
destined to discover? They would have remained hidden, terrible people 
would have gone unpunished...  

"I'm thanking you for giving me answers and the chance to make a 
difference and save millions of lives if, for giving me the gift to have 
something that I thought I'd never have... and for giving me your love."  
 
He closed his eyes. In relief or in an attempt to hold off more tears, I 
couldn't tell. 

I slid closer to him and reached my arms around him. He seemed to collapse 
against me, moving his arms to embrace me. 

"I'm so sorry Scully."

"I know, Mulder, I know." I rubbed his back soothingly. His body racked 
with jerky sobs, my tears falling silently onto his shoulder.

"How can you forgive me for what I've done? I can't understand how you 
can stay with me... you should save yourself from certain unhappiness..."

"I can forgive you because I understand your motivations, and I know that 
what you did was in both our interests. I also think if you had told me 
anytime earlier than this I would have reacted badly. I don't think you 
would have gotten a fair trial you're getting now."

Mulder held me a little tighter, and continued to cry together. I think I 
was crying more for his anguish than my own. The shear happiness in 
knowing that I could have kids overpowered my anger at him. It felt so 
good to just hold some one. To let everything out, and to have someone 
share it with you. Mulder and I had been missing out on that for a very 
long time, and I truly believe if we hadn't had this conversation, our 
partnership would have broken down, and not been able to recover.   

I felt the stress and tightness in my body leak out, being replaced 
with a comfort that I hadn't known for a long time, and barely 
recognized. 

"I don't deserve you."

His voice startled me out of my relaxed state. 

"Mulder, every day I work with you, whenever we are together, I am 
reminded about how lucky I am to know you. How lucky I am to have you as 
a partner, and a trusted friend. I never want any other person by my 
side, because I could never love any other person more than I love you."

He pulled his head back from my shoulder and looked me in the eye.

"I feel like the luckiest son of a bitch in the world Scully."

I arched my eyebrow at him the best I could. A small smile graced 
his lips.

I reached over and grabbed a handful of napkins from our now cold Tai 
feast.

I handed Mulder a bunch and he smiled his appreciation. After drying 
our tears, we both looked over the cold Tai.

"I'll put this in the fridge, then maybe you should go to sleep..."

He followed me as I carried the full boxes to his fridge, shoving 
them in tiredly and with out order.

"Are you going to stay?" He said suddenly.

"Well, sure, if you want me to."

"Will you stay with me?"

"With you?"

He got up and moved toward his bedroom. When he reached the door he 
turned back to me and waited for my answer.

I smiled at him and answered, "OK Mulder, I'll stay."


And for the first time in so many years, lying in Mulder's embrace, I 
felt loved, and whole. Despite my uncertainties about the future, and 
the worries I had about the things that had happened, I knew I 
wouldn't be alone. I had everything I needed, and my life as I had 
known it would be forever changed. 

But for the better. 

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THE END

Ok, yup. I'm calling that the end. If you think there should be more, 
please email me and tell me and I'll consider it... but it all depends
on how pissed off you seem. 
And if you liked it, please tell me!