Written by Dwight Latham and Moe Jaffe, 1947
Many many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife, she is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it, it simply drives me wild.
For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
After much careful research, it has
been discovered that the artist Vincent
Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:
His dizzy aunt.....................................................Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes...................................Gotta Gogh
The constipated uncle...........................................Cant Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store.......Stopn Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia.............................U Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white.............Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois..........................................Chica Gogh
His magician uncle................................................Wherediddy
Gogh
His Mexican cousin...............................................Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half brother.............Grin Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt......................................Tan Gogh
A sister who loved disco.........................................Go Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach .....................Wellsfar Gogh
The bird lover uncle.................................................Flamin
Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst......................................E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin.............................................Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking........................Wayto Gogh
The little bouncy nephew.........................................Poe Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van..........Winnie BayGogh
The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation.
Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. So now when someone says, "you don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.
"God, help me to be wise in what I accept as truth."
Cynthia E. Cowen
Although not intended to be humorous, I found it to be anyway. I'm sure anyone who has seriously done genealogy for any length of time will agree.
This item appeared in the newspaper,
THE CARLETON PLACE HERALD, on 27 February 1935.
"Traces Family to Adam. Columbus, Ohio, Feb 24. - Mrs. Christian Sell Jaeger announced today that she had succeeded in tracing her genealogy back through 159 generations to Adam and Eve. Mrs. Jaeger, who is historian of the Columbia Genealogical Society, went back through the American Revolution, through all recorded history and through the Bible to reach her first ancestor. Among her forebears as she traced them by the aid of records in libraries here, in New York, Washington and Chicago, were: Williams, Edward III and Henry I, of England, 21 generations of Scottish Kings, Irish Kings who ruled 19 centuries ago, the Pharaoh Nectonidus; Zedekiah, last of the Kings of Judah; David, King of Israel; Enos, Seth, and finally Adam (4000 B.C.)."