A new Amateur Radio license class proposal
There seems to be a lot of concern lately over the perceived “dumbing down” of Amateur Radio. What with the lifting of the code requirement and the release of the test questions, it seems that “just anyone” can get a license these days. Why some of these Nuevo-Extras have even been observed talking to newcomers or encouraging CB’ers to get their amateur licenses.
What we really need is a new elite! For the ultimate in snob appeal, I would like to propose the new SUPER class license. The holder of this license would know no peer, and would not be bound by such mundane restrictions as communication with ordinary mortals. They could be easily recognized by their distinctive one letter call signs; A, B, C etc.
The license would not be available to just anyone. To even apply one would have to meet the following minimum requirements;
· 50 years as Extra class or higher.
· Holder of 50 WPM or greater Code Award
· DXCC above 500
· Fellow IEEE
· Doctorate in Engineering or Physics
· Former Nobel Prize winner
No one who does not meet ALL of these requirements will be considered.
The code test
The applicant should be to send and receive 300 baud ASCII using a straight key for sending and copying the text in his head. He should then be able to pass a comprehensive test on the text which will be either in Swahili or Serbo-Croatian. A passing grade will be 98% with a maximum of one parity error.
The Practical and Written Exam
This is a sample test only, actual questions may vary.
Read each question carefully. You must answer all questions fully. Time limit 3 hours, begin immediately.
1. Rules & Regulations
Rewrite part 97 of the FCC rules and regulations, be specific and concise. Take into account any new forms for communication which may be developed, their regulatory implications, and their impact on the socio-economic status of the American amateur. Be prepared to justify your proposal before a joint congressional committee.
2. Construction Techniques:
In a box on the table you will find an assortment of resistors, capacitors, IC,s etc., as well as parts from an old Buick. Design and build a multi-mode all band 1000W transceiver (160M-2M). Be sure to include your mathematical design notes as well as an operator’s manual in five languages.
3. Contest operation:
Construct a mathematical model of the 2009 Sweepstakes. Using this model create a general algorithm for completely operatorless contest operation. Assume a Z9109 CPU supporting 3000 terminals each to activate your algorithm; design the communication interface and all necessary control programs.
Describe in detail. Be specific. Compare with two other types of knowledge.
On the table in front of you are the disassembled parts of a World War I rifle, a single round of .460 Weatherly Magnum ammunition and a small file. Rechamber the rifle paying particular attention to head-space. In 10 minutes a hungry Bengal Tiger will be admitted into the room. Take any action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision to a representive of PETA.
6. DX Operation:
Establish two-way communication with a life form in another galaxy. Confirm this contact with a QSL card. Do not use the inter-galactic QSL bureau.
Create life. If this life form had existed 200 million years ago, estimate its effect on human culture with particular emphasis on Amateur Radio and the outcome of the 2009 Field Day.
Estimate what effect, if any, that the end of the world might have on amateur radio. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
9: Extra Credit:
Define the universe. Give three examples.
End of sample test.
The SUPER class license is not merely mailed; it is presented by the President before a joint session of Congress followed by a reception at the White House.
The holder of the amateur SUPER calss is also entitled to wear the special SUPER CLASS uniform consisting of blue leotards, red boots, a red cape, and, best of all, the large letter “S” emblazoned on his chest.
There you have it fellow amateurs, the beginning of a new elite. Lets all get busy and push this through, and then we can really show up all those nuevo-extras, no-code techs and CB’ers.
Write your Congressman!!! ( But don’t use my name !!!)
Warning for the humor-impaired:
This is satire. If you are not skilled in the reading of satire, please seek the assistance of someone trained in this area to explain it to you.