The scientists have been busy studying again. This time it's the mating habits of fireflies. It seems the female firefly is persnickity about who she mates with. She doesn't get all aglow for just anyone, no, huh-uh, the male has to be a real stud muffin. To be *successful*, he must flash at the quickest intervals. Also, the females are particular about the length of time the flashes last, not wanting them to be too quick or too long. (Too bad Mother Nature didn't give the human male this sure sign.) (Oh...and *brightness* didn't seem to be a factor.)
Josh wants to become a pro golfer. When a sudden cloudburst happened on the 17th hole, he thought how nice it would be to have someone holding an umbrella over him while he putted.
OzarkLad says he lives pretty easy. He has maids that come and clean his house. He drops his laundry off at the cleaners on his way to work and picks them up on the way home. He just drives through the car wash. He eats out at restaurants. He has a kid mow his 3 acre lawn. Yep, he's got it made. (Now if he can find someone to wipe his butt...)
Shannon tells us he isn't *intentionally* growing a beard, he simply hasn't had time this last week. "Maybe I'll get a chance Sunday." And his girlfriend says she isn't intentionally growing a beard on her legs, either.
Robin says she'd had enough of the shenanigans a co-worker plays. So when the offender was cooling himself in front of the fan, she *accidently* spilled that flour behind it. "It was worth having to clean up the mess, if you could have seen his face!"
Nikki has chosen *fruit* as the decor for the kitchen in her new condo. Apples, pears, peaches, strawberries, plums. She put some fruit borders on the walls. She bought some fruit plates, bowls and glasses. And when the refrigerator was removed to lay new tiles, underneath it was an old lid, with fruit on it to match her new dinnerware. (Karma?)
Mindy has found a new way to aggravate the people who own the Chinese restaurant that she has been banned from. She'll stand outside the door with a pair of dark sunglasses on, holding a cup, pretending to be blind. She says it takes the owners about 2 minutes to come out and chase her off. And she has told us to keep our eyes open for fake vomit, she's got another plan.
REPLIES-----
CAN'T SAY HE WASN'T WARNED-----
A guy named Ottis had a horse for sale.
A fellow from town was told about it.
"How much do you want for the horse?" the man asked Ottis.
"Only $50" Ottis replied. "But I have to tell you the horse doesn't look too good."
The fellow told Ottis he wanted to see the horse anyway. After inspecting the horse, he told Ottis he could only offer $45.
"You just bought yerself a horse," Ottis said.
A couple of weeks later, the fellow went back to talk to Ottis. "That horse you sold me is blind," the fellow said.
"I told you he didn't look too good," Ottis replied.
I'm telling you, it's the heat.
Your President,
Kaye Coffey