It all began with one man...and a whole bunch of women.
The rapid rise of the Johnson family in recent history is attributable mainly to a legend.
Hugh G. Johnson.
Hugh Johnson, rascal, scallywag, clergyman, and most notably, adult film star, reportedly began his life as a common farm boy in the West Karanas plains. Tired of the drudgery, the toil, and the lions that wandered daily through the walls of the family's small cabin, Hugh travelled at an early age to the city of Qeynos. There he found gainful employment in a series of jobs, including assistant beggar, beggar, executive beggar, and housewife. Switching fields, Johnson fell in among the rapidly growing construction trade and became a master spackler. It was here that his luck would change
Film producer Dorn B'Dynn on Johnson:
"I was working construction part-time back then, trying to get my first film off the ground. It was a cool job. You got to take your shirt off a lot. Anyway, one day, I wandered into this new guard tower we were working on and right away Hugh caught my eye. I could tell immediately he was one of a kind. He was self taught, I guess. I mean, nobody else in those days spackled like that. Not shy, that lad, no. I came back through there on my way home later that evening, and there was spackle everywhere. On the walls, the ceiling, the furniture, the carpet, his hair, my hair (not sure how that happened). It was amazing. And then I noticed his package. Wow."
"That's when I had an idea."
B'Dynn's passion as a filmmaker and Johnson's enormous tallywacker were an unbeatable combination. Following their first film "Hail Slut", came a string of hits unrivalled in the adult film industry. After creative peaks such as "Make Like A Dead Goblin, Baby" and "Erudin: Black & White Nights Vol. 7", Johnson and B'Dynn began the popular Johnny Spoo series of films.
Meanwhile, in his personal life, Johnson was savoring the excesses he could now afford. Even early on Hugh was a man of flexible morality, but success drove him to wilder extremes. Beginning primarily in the Qeynos-Surefall-Halas TriCity area, Johnson laid the seeds of the future Johnson clan. As his films grew more popular, publicity trips carried him all over the known world and his womanizing grew legendary. Paternity suits began to arise but were quickly covered up by B'Dynn, whose connections to the underworld smoothed the way to their success.
Former friend Barrett Strong:
"Them's was some days! Ol' Hugh spent most of his time chasing women and drinking. Hell, usually wherever he hung his hat was his home. I remember when we went to Kelethin for an expo, and Hugh would spend hours and hours hanging around the orc lift, just watching those recently killed Wood Elf chicks pop up at their bind point. That was some booty! But then the bottom fell out of the business, and well, I guess you know the rest."
Indeed, the arrival of Charm spells and fear of newly developing STD's (sorcerously transmitted diseases) struck a hard blow to the porn industry. Ill equipped at this point to ride out tough times, Johnson's life spiraled out of control. Stories emerged of Hugh being seen turning tricks in the back alleys of places like Neriak and Grobb. Having broken with B'Dynn over the now-infamous "sphincter" incident, Hugh made a last few small budget films, sinking to his final low "Troll Love Vol. 23".
Johnson knew he had bottomed out. After an incident involving Hugh attempting to steal unwary teleporters' backpacks at a druid ring, he decided to turn his life around. He remade himself as a storefront preacher, taking on the title "Priest of Discord" and denying any link to his past.
Especially his link to any young fool who wandered by named Johnson.
And there you have it.
Hugh Johnson, a man of prodigious talents and appendage. Father to the Johnson clan.
A final word from illegitimate son Vidus Johnson:
"The prick was no father to me. He wasted his whole life and Mom never got over him, believe it or not. And then when he died, all that he left us...was alone"
"'Course then he turned back up at his bind point, waving that stupid skull-on-a-stick around like an idiot."
"Fucker."
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